Are marriages relationships where resentment is bound to develop no matter what?

[Archaea]

Is it possible for marriage to be lasting and to avoid resentments carried over time?

[JohnnyLingo]

Originally Posted by Archaea

Is it possible for marriage to be lasting and to avoid resentments carried over time?

Arch, if your marriage sucks, go to a therapist or counselor or something.

Don't be so cheap you seek advice on a message board.

[Archaea]

Originally Posted by JohnnyLingo

Arch, if your marriage sucks, go to a therapist or counselor or something.

Don't be so cheap you seek advice on a message board.

Have you ever heard of mindless banter asshole. Please go some place where you can add intelligence, wit or something of value, like a gallon of vasoline.

[UtahDan]

Originally Posted by Archaea

Is it possible for marriage to be lasting and to avoid resentments carried over time?

It is absolutely not inevitable if you are willing to swallow your pride and so is your wife. Caveat: you have to be ready to lead by example in this department and be patient.

[Archaea]

Originally Posted by UtahDan

It is absolutely not inevitable if you are willing to swallow your pride and so is your wife. Caveat: you have to be ready to lead by example in this department and be patient.

I'm not familiar with too many men who really carry resentments, but I'm familiar that most married women do. I'm trying to think of one over forty who doesn't carry resentments in any marriage I've ever observed. I can't find one. Something in the emotional make up of women causes them to resent and to build resentment to the detriment of everybody within the household, and it's an over forty phenomenom where it becomes so apparent.

[Surfah]

Originally Posted by Archaea

I'm not familiar with too many men who really carry resentments, but I'm familiar that most married women do. I'm trying to think of one over forty who doesn't carry resentments in any marriage I've ever observed. I can't find one. Something in the emotional make up of women causes them to resent and to build resentment to the detriment of everybody within the household, and it's an over forty phenomenom where it becomes so apparent.

I know I am newly married, but my wife is amazing. She holds zero resentments. It actually drives me nuts how she can just forgive and forget. If anyone has reason to be resentful towards another person, it is her. She's had some incredibly difficult circumstances to endure in her young life. She's a good example and I am learning a ton from her. I think it's possible under the prescribed counsel from UtahDan.

[UtahDan]

Originally Posted by Archaea

I'm not familiar with too many men who really carry resentments, but I'm familiar that most married women do. I'm trying to think of one over forty who doesn't carry resentments in any marriage I've ever observed. I can't find one. Something in the emotional make up of women causes them to resent and to build resentment to the detriment of everybody within the household, and it's an over forty phenomenom where it becomes so apparent.

I'll get back to you in another 8 years.

[Archaea]

Originally Posted by surfah33

I know I am newly married, but my wife is amazing. She holds zero resentments. It actually drives me nuts how she can just forgive and forget. If anyone has reason to be resentful towards another person, it is her. She's had some incredibly difficult circumstances to endure in her young life. She's a good example and I am learning a ton from her. I think it's possible under the prescribed counsel from UtahDan.

Beware.

Don't let her do things for you, she will secretly resent that.

Do extra things for her and find how she wants to be loved.

But don't let her do things for you. Do your own laundry, do her laundry when you can, prepare meals, shop for her, the kids and yourself. Minimize what she does as she will resent every little thing she does. Trust me, women forget what you do, remember what they do and resent everything. Do not trust her not to resent the smallest kindness. Don't let her do those or you will regret it.

[Surfah]

Originally Posted by Archaea

Beware.

Don't let her do things for you, she will secretly resent that.

Do extra things for her and find how she wants to be loved.

But don't let her do things for you. Do your own laundry, do her laundry when you can, prepare meals, shop for her, the kids and yourself. Minimize what she does as she will resent every little thing she does. Trust me, women forget what you do, remember what they do and resent everything. Do not trust her not to resent the smallest kindness. Don't let her do those or you will regret it.

I cook 80% of the time. I make pancakes at 3am in the morning for her after we have sex. I do my share of the laundry. I clean daily. I usually allow my wife to sleep in when able by getting up with our daughter in the mornings.

But our relationship isn't one of keeping a tally of doing what. It's not about one upping the other. Nor do I want it to be. Maybe I am just naive. But I know my wife is grateful and appreciative of my help and love.

[Archaea]

Originally Posted by surfah33

I cook 80% of the time. I make pancakes at 3am in the morning for her after we have sex. I do my share of the laundry. I clean daily. I usually allow my wife to sleep in when able by getting up with our daughter in the mornings.

But our relationship isn't one of keeping a tally of doing what. It's not about one upping the other. Nor do I want it to be. Maybe I am just naive. But I know my wife is grateful and appreciative of my help and love.

She won't be. You're naive; they all keep calculators in their heads. You must do more housework, never leave anything undone, make more money than they do and never expect them to do anything for you. I won't let my wife do a single thing for me any longer. I prepare my own meals, my own laundry and clean wherever I am.

You see, the only way you are even is if you do more and much more than she. Remember this as well, she will never forgive, but you must always forgive. It's not fair or even but that's how it will be most of the time. Early on in marriage is when they hide their resentments. Don't believe for one second she doesn't have resentments, you're just not noticing them.

Marriage for men ultimately becomes this, doubling your work load, elimination of free time, reduction of spending money and the deflation of ego. It's been that way since the dawn of time and won't change until mankind is extinct.