An encounter with inactive members

[MikeWaters]

From time to time we are tasked to search out inactive members of our wards. It might be a hometeaching assignment, a visiting teaching assignment, or perhaps you've been asked to see if anyone lives at the address that has appeared on the rolls as a new move-in.

In most cases you get no answer at the door, or a strained brief interaction at the doorstep.

But it just so happened that last night me and my buddy were invited in. An older man answered the door, he didn't say much other than to call his wife to the door. And after a pause she invited us to sit down. And then she launched into her story. It would be 2 and a half hours later that we left.

It's a story I have now heard several times. Began investigating church history, discovered things that were not what I was taught, felt betrayed, felt like the church lacked integrity. Other people didn't understand, I didn't have anyone to talk to. I didn't want to hurt other people's testimonies so I never mentioned anything at church. I was confused and hurt. I stopped going to church. My grown children were disappointed. I could no longer say the things I was being asked to say. You don't know what it feels like to walk in my shoes. And so forth.

My response was simple. That me and my companion represent the fellowship of the saints. That there is a richness and diversity among the church members in terms of approach to the gospel and testimony that they may not be aware of. That indeed, there are in fact members of the church who know of these things and can speak with them about these subjects, if they wish. That they are part of this tribe. This is your tribe. She had mentioned that others had asked her about relinquishing her membership, and she had said no. Thus I said that there is a thread that continues to connect her to the church. And if there is a spark that keeps her connected, there may be a spark that brings her through the door, into the fellowship of the saints. I may have been more or less persuading/spiritual/coherent than I have related. But I tried to convey caring, love, and nonjudgmentality. I did not dismiss her feelings, but I also did not leave all her statements unchallenged. She mentioned that she was a member she felt sorry for all the other people in the other religions that didn't have the church and truth. And I pointed out that in my opinion, these sweeping conclusions were still being applied by her regarding the members of the church and how they approach the church. I related that I in prior times had felt lonely in the church, and shared experiences that I had that changed my mind about some things, and made me not feel lonely anymore. I also said that not only would they benefit from ward fellowship, but that the ward would benefit as well. I told her that I do believe there is a path of integrity in the church. That at times, if she returned, she might find herself in some uncomfortable circumstances while trying to be true to herself, but that's ok.

At the end of the visit, they agreed that we could at times drop by unannounced to talk, that they wouldn't turn us away, but they did not want visiting teachers or home teachers. "Nothing official." The husband did not speak much at all during the visit. My companion had kind of borne his testimony in a way--it wasn't exactly bearing his testimony but it was kind of general (no personal experiences, just general principles). The lady was very unkind. She said something to the effect "I heard the words you said but they did not register and I am struggling to understand what they mean." It was not very generous on her part at all. My companion is a good (young) man, and very sincere and humble. She was apparently just waiting to pounce on Mormon gospel-speak.

It was a good experience overall. I'm sort of fatalistic about such things. I was there, I did my part. I was sincere, and I tried to be kind. I extended an invitation. They have their agency, however, and God must prove himself ultimately.

I had another experience recently of making invitations to a homteachee via phone and email for many months with no success and no responses after an initial phone conversation. And then suddenly after one of my monthly emails (usually within the last 3 days of the month), he said yes and we had lunch together. And it was a good deal. Another person, with very different issues, but also feeling very ostracized and lonely when it came to his recent church experience. People want to know if you are real and sincere, and it goes beyond duty. I'm shy and lazy, I have said, I wouldn't have called you if it wasn't my duty. But I also mean what I say. What is your motive, he asks? The same as with any person I hometeach who isn't active--to extend a hand of fellowship and invite you back.

One lesson here is that, as Woody Allen said, 90% of success is just showing up. Just getting out there and doing things can lead to some interesting experiences and conversations. If in fact you end up as part of an important milepost in someone's life, that's a blessing. Can't say I've ever really been that, but maybe I will be, despite my sins and weakness.

[MikeWaters]

well, my visit led them to write a letter to local church leaders asking the church to leave them alone.

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