On esophaguses, injuries to - cougarguard.com — unofficial BYU Cougars / LDS sports, football, basketball forum and message board

BarbaraGordon · 01-28-2009, 07:46 PM

I think all of you have heard the beginning of this, but only one of you has heard the end of it. So, in the spirit of Paul Harvey, I give you the rest of the story:

It started last Wednesday when I woke up in the middle of the night with horrible heartburn. By Thursday I thought I was going to die. Anything I ate or drank felt like swallowing knives. Eating was torture. This was way beyond heartburn.

I go to the minor emergency. They say it's heartburn. I say, "But I've already taken six pepcid and forty Tums." They say, "It's just refulx. Take Prilosec instead."

I'm skeptical. I call the GI doctor. He can't see me for THREE WEEKS.

Ten hours later. It's worse. The pain is now surpassing labor, only there's no hope of a delivery.

I decide to hell with the minor emergency, and go to the ER. They say it's heartburn. I say, "I really REALLY don't think so. heartburn should get worse -- not better -- on an empty stomach, and the Prilosec/Pepcid/Tums/Mylanta cocktail should help." They say, "It's just heartburn. Take Prevacid instead." I say, "Isn't that pretty much the same as Prilosec?" They say, "Don't worry, you probably just have a low pain threshold," and pat me on the head and send me home.

Next day. Still can't eat. There's no hope of relief. Flash finally convinces me to take a painkiller he has left from one of his surgeries, and that's the first thing that helps. Only, he doesn't have anymore. So I go BACK to the ER to ask them to please please PLEASE tell me what's wrong or at least to give me pain meds, and now they're convinced that I'm an addict with some kind of invented unverifiable phantom pain just trying to get my fix.

ARRRGH

No, I'm NOT addicted to painkillers. I'm actually IN PAIN.

I don't know how addicts track down their meds, but it turns out if you're actually in pain you're SOL.

So, now it's the weekend. I still can't eat. No way to get ahold of the GI, but I've decided that on Monday come hell or high water I'm going to camp out in the GI office and refuse to leave until a doc sees me.

Fortunately, the worst ice storm in years hits on Monday, so this works out well. Half the doc's patients cancel, and he's able to see me. He says, "Meet me at the hospital tomorrow and we'll take pictures of your esophagus. I think I know what it is."

UNfortunately, the worst ice storm in years continues through Tuesday. So now, the kids are out of school and need to be watched, the roads are literally impassable -- even the interstates -- and it's FREEEEEEEEEEZing. Flash says, "are you SURE you need to go see the doctor? Surely you can postpone this a couple of days." In the interest of propriety I will not repeat what I said.

I'm not exaggerating about this -- the ice and snow were so bad Flash was afraid he'd get stuck if he pulled into the hospital parking lot, so he dropped me off across the street and I had to walk. He took the kids (now crying because they're afraid of the icy roads) back home. My mom came up to keep me company at the hospital.

They wheel me back to the little room at the stroke of 12:00, right on schedule, only to have something go completely awry in the thingy scheduled ahead of mine in the room next door. The doctor was delayed TWO HOURS. TWO HOURS!! And not like, two hours while I'm waiting in the regular hospital room with a phone and a laptop and a TV and my mom. No. TWO HOURS wearing that little paper gown thingy in that tiny freezing cold procedure room with nothing but the little button that raises and lowers the bed to entertain myself with, nothing but the second hand crawling ever more slowly to watch, and nothing but the beep-beep-beep of the heartrate monitor to keep me company. And no food or drink since MIDNIGHT. Let me just say that if the enhanced-interrogation specialists are looking for new techniques, Chinese water torture has met its match.

Anyway the doc finally makes it in -- three hours after I'd arrived -- and it takes about thirty seconds for him to find the culprit:

A vitamin.

A &*%^ing vitamin.

You know how sometimes you take a vitamin and it feels like it gets stuck? WEll, it turns out it really CAN get stuck, and if it does, it dissolves and releases all that chemically, acidy, vitaminy goodness directly into your esophageal tissue. And what was supposed to be an agent of health becomes an agent of harm. And it burns a little hole right through the lining, so that every time you swallow the food scrapes against some raw something-or-other that was never supposed to come in contact with food. And it hurts reall really REALLY BAD.

And you know what the treatment is??

Starvation.

I'm supposed to avoid solid foods for a week.

I'm also, if you believe my doctor (who clearly hasn't removed his head from a textbook to ground himself in reality) supposed to avoid:

dairy
caffeine
carbonation
sugar
salt
and
citric acids.

So, as best as I can tell I'm supposed to subsist on a diet of....water? I think this must be my punishment for not participating in my church's church-wide fast last month.

Good golly. Who knew vitamins could be so dangerous??

I tell you what, as soon as I survive my all-water diet, I'm switching to Flintstones.

FarrahWaters · 01-28-2009, 07:54 PM

Holy Crap. I am so sorry.

So, was the doctor right the first day? Did he know then that a hostile vitamin had attacked your esophagus lining?

Also, those gummy bear vitamins seem to be pretty tasty, so there's another option for you.

Tex · 01-28-2009, 07:55 PM

Now that is funny. Very nice read, Barbara.

Oh, and sorry about your pain.

MikeWaters · 01-28-2009, 08:10 PM

so you were being a wussy about the pain after all.

BarbaraGordon · 01-28-2009, 08:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MikeWaters

so you were being a wussy about the pain after all.

Tell you what. Deliver two kids, no anesthetic, and then we'll talk. You're still skeptical, we'll bore a hole in your esophageal lining, you know, just for fun, so we can watch you take it like a man.

Actually, now that I think about it, I'd hate for Farrah to have to listen to you whine like a baby for a week, so I take that back.

MikeWaters · 01-28-2009, 08:16 PM

Sorry hon, I have experienced pain worse than unmedicated childbirth.

So, you wanted to talk? Here I am.

BarbaraGordon · 01-28-2009, 08:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MikeWaters

Sorry hon, I have experienced pain worse than unmedicated childbirth.

Says the man who has never given birth.

MikeWaters · 01-28-2009, 08:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BarbaraGordon

Says the man who has never given birth.

True. But most women who have had both, have said my condition hurts more.

Archaea · 01-28-2009, 08:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MikeWaters

Sorry hon, I have experienced pain worse than unmedicated childbirth.

So, you wanted to talk? Here I am.

This i got to hear.

Farrah, can you corroborate any of this?

BarbaraGordon · 01-28-2009, 08:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FarrahWaters

So, was the doctor right the first day? Did he know then that a hostile vitamin had attacked your esophagus lining?

Yeah, actually he was. "Pill-induced esophageal injury." Apparently it's not terribly uncommon, and certain vitamins and medicines are repeat offenders, so when he saw what vitamins I take, and when I described the pain after swallowing, he suspected he knew what it was.

Quote:

Also, those gummy bear vitamins seem to be pretty tasty, so there's another option for you.

That's funny. YOhio said the same thing.

01-28-2009, 07:46 PM	#1
BarbaraGordon Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Gotham City Posts: 7,157	On esophaguses, injuries to I think all of you have heard the beginning of this, but only one of you has heard the end of it. So, in the spirit of Paul Harvey, I give you the rest of the story: It started last Wednesday when I woke up in the middle of the night with horrible heartburn. By Thursday I thought I was going to die. Anything I ate or drank felt like swallowing knives. Eating was torture. This was way beyond heartburn. I go to the minor emergency. They say it's heartburn. I say, "But I've already taken six pepcid and forty Tums." They say, "It's just refulx. Take Prilosec instead." I'm skeptical. I call the GI doctor. He can't see me for THREE WEEKS. Ten hours later. It's worse. The pain is now surpassing labor, only there's no hope of a delivery. I decide to hell with the minor emergency, and go to the ER. They say it's heartburn. I say, "I really REALLY don't think so. heartburn should get worse -- not better -- on an empty stomach, and the Prilosec/Pepcid/Tums/Mylanta cocktail should help." They say, "It's just heartburn. Take Prevacid instead." I say, "Isn't that pretty much the same as Prilosec?" They say, "Don't worry, you probably just have a low pain threshold," and pat me on the head and send me home. Next day. Still can't eat. There's no hope of relief. Flash finally convinces me to take a painkiller he has left from one of his surgeries, and that's the first thing that helps. Only, he doesn't have anymore. So I go BACK to the ER to ask them to please please PLEASE tell me what's wrong or at least to give me pain meds, and now they're convinced that I'm an addict with some kind of invented unverifiable phantom pain just trying to get my fix. ARRRGH No, I'm NOT addicted to painkillers. I'm actually IN PAIN. I don't know how addicts track down their meds, but it turns out if you're actually in pain you're SOL. So, now it's the weekend. I still can't eat. No way to get ahold of the GI, but I've decided that on Monday come hell or high water I'm going to camp out in the GI office and refuse to leave until a doc sees me. Fortunately, the worst ice storm in years hits on Monday, so this works out well. Half the doc's patients cancel, and he's able to see me. He says, "Meet me at the hospital tomorrow and we'll take pictures of your esophagus. I think I know what it is." UNfortunately, the worst ice storm in years continues through Tuesday. So now, the kids are out of school and need to be watched, the roads are literally impassable -- even the interstates -- and it's FREEEEEEEEEEZing. Flash says, "are you SURE you need to go see the doctor? Surely you can postpone this a couple of days." In the interest of propriety I will not repeat what I said. I'm not exaggerating about this -- the ice and snow were so bad Flash was afraid he'd get stuck if he pulled into the hospital parking lot, so he dropped me off across the street and I had to walk. He took the kids (now crying because they're afraid of the icy roads) back home. My mom came up to keep me company at the hospital. They wheel me back to the little room at the stroke of 12:00, right on schedule, only to have something go completely awry in the thingy scheduled ahead of mine in the room next door. The doctor was delayed TWO HOURS. TWO HOURS!! And not like, two hours while I'm waiting in the regular hospital room with a phone and a laptop and a TV and my mom. No. TWO HOURS wearing that little paper gown thingy in that tiny freezing cold procedure room with nothing but the little button that raises and lowers the bed to entertain myself with, nothing but the second hand crawling ever more slowly to watch, and nothing but the beep-beep-beep of the heartrate monitor to keep me company. And no food or drink since MIDNIGHT. Let me just say that if the enhanced-interrogation specialists are looking for new techniques, Chinese water torture has met its match. Anyway the doc finally makes it in -- three hours after I'd arrived -- and it takes about thirty seconds for him to find the culprit: A vitamin. A &%^ing vitamin. You know how sometimes you take a vitamin and it feels like it gets stuck? WEll, it turns out it really CAN get stuck, and if it does, it dissolves and releases all that chemically, acidy, vitaminy goodness directly into your esophageal tissue. And what was supposed to be an agent of health becomes an agent of harm. And it burns a little hole right through the lining, so that every time you swallow the food scrapes against some raw something-or-other that was never supposed to come in contact with food. And it hurts reall really REALLY BAD. And you know what the treatment is?? Starvation. I'm supposed to avoid solid foods for a week. I'm also, if you believe my doctor (who clearly hasn't removed his head from a textbook to ground himself in reality) supposed to avoid: dairy caffeine carbonation sugar salt and citric acids. So, as best as I can tell I'm supposed to subsist on a diet of....water? I think this must be my punishment for not participating in my church's church-wide fast last month. Good golly. Who knew vitamins could be so dangerous?? I tell you what, as soon as I survive my all-water diet, I'm switching to Flintstones. Last edited by Archaea; 01-28-2009 at 08:13 PM.*

01-28-2009, 07:55 PM	#3
Tex Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 8,596	Now that is funny. Very nice read, Barbara. Oh, and sorry about your pain. __________________ "Have we been commanded not to call a prophet an insular racist? Link?" "And yes, [2010] is a very good year to be a Democrat. Perhaps the best year in decades ..." - Cali Coug "Oh dear, granny, what a long tail our puss has got." - Brigham Young

01-28-2009, 07:54 PM	#2
FarrahWaters Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 1,122	Holy Crap. I am so sorry. So, was the doctor right the first day? Did he know then that a hostile vitamin had attacked your esophagus lining? Also, those gummy bear vitamins seem to be pretty tasty, so there's another option for you.

01-28-2009, 08:10 PM	#4
MikeWaters Demiurge Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 36,365	so you were being a wussy about the pain after all.

01-28-2009, 08:16 PM	#6
MikeWaters Demiurge Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 36,365	Sorry hon, I have experienced pain worse than unmedicated childbirth. So, you wanted to talk? Here I am.