Now that the LDS Church has raised the

[Black Diamond Bay]

One of my brothers got sent home early with a medical problem. A problem that no one outside of the family was aware of, and was not immediately evident.

His first Sunday in the home ward one of the mothers of one of his friends was standing in the foyer when he walked in. She was the first person to see him. She literally looked up, saw him, got a huge smile on her face, and gave him a huge hug and told him how happy she was to see him again. She never asked why he was home early, or what happened. She didn't even hesitate, and imo she is a woman who lives her religion. I still remember feeling so relieved that she was the one standing at the door to welcome him to church, and not somebody that was going to act awkward, or pretend they didn't know him. He got that a little bit too, and it sucked.

[Requiem]

Originally Posted by jay santos

In my ward, a friend of mine his son came home from his mission after about six months. He was a straight arrow, model citizen, kind of kid you want your kids to look up to and emulate. The story the family gave was that he suffered from depression. My friend wouldn't open up with me the whole story but based on bits and pieces I theorized there might have been an immorality issue that either was the real reason or was the root cause of the depression/guilt.

It is difficult to assess the level of "behind the doors" suffering experienced by families with children sent home early from missions - or for that matter, families who suffer from a myriad of crises. Because missions are often viewed as a "rite of LDS passage" it is at times viewed very publicly as a failure of the parents if the missionary returns home early. The Bishop can only do so much in these situations. The collective reaching out and bearing of burdens by a ward and stake can have significant impact.

[SoonerCoug]

We had a missionary in my mission who did the nasty with a non-LDS Russian girl, and then he called his mom and cried about it. His companion overheard and reported him to the MP. He got excommunicated, I believe.

[Requiem]

Originally Posted by tooblue

Having been married for many years, there were serious problems in the marriage in the first place.

And your qualifications to make such a declarative statement include? Let me see, it must be your first hand knowledge - no wait, your in depth counseling sessions. Don't be so quick to judge without the benefit of little things like...facts.

[Mrs. Funk]

Originally Posted by Requiem

You eloquently describe a serious problem. There exists among many in the Church an expectation of perfection that can never be attained. Yes we can make incremental improvements in specific areas; however, not achieving perfection should neither be a source of condemnation nor self imposed guilt.

Within some LDS wards and stakes there is all too often a rush to judgment when one falls out of the mainstream. Parents of children who err are often judged the most harshly and end up with a greater degree of suffering. I am consoled by the words of the Savior describing his role:

“He that is greatest among you shall be your servant” (Matt. 23:11).

“Whosoever shall exalt himself shall be abased; and he that shall humble himself shall be exalted” (Matt. 23:12)

I know. It's frustrating. It's not like we know everyone's stories. We all have different abilities and strengths. We all struggle with different things. It's unfair and not requisite with the principles of the Atonement to criticize another for being, "less perfect" than we are.

[jay santos]

Originally Posted by Black Diamond Bay

One of my brothers got sent home early with a medical problem. A problem that no one outside of the family was aware of, and was not immediately evident.

His first Sunday in the home ward one of the mothers of one of his friends was standing in the foyer when he walked in. She was the first person to see him. She literally looked up, saw him, got a huge smile on her face, and gave him a huge hug and told him how happy she was to see him again. She never asked why he was home early, or what happened. She didn't even hesitate, and imo she is a woman who lives her religion. I still remember feeling so relieved that she was the one standing at the door to welcome him to church, and not somebody that was going to act awkward, or pretend they didn't know him. He got that a little bit too, and it sucked.

This is really what I see. I think most people's hearts are like this woman or at least close. But most people don't have the social grace and smarts this woman has and do dumb, awkward stuff just because they don't know how to act. My kids stare (or used to when they were younger and before we taught them not to) at black people at the grocery store. It's not because they hated them or thought they were evil.

[tooblue]

Originally Posted by Requiem

And your qualifications to make such a declarative statement include? Let me see, it must be your first hand knowledge - no wait, your in depth counseling sessions. Don't be so quick to judge without the benefit of little things like...facts.

You yourself stated that you are unable to remain objective on the subject. Your comments are reckless, indelicate and naive. The reality is, if your story is true, there is more to the breakup than the inability to deal with a daughter being sent home.

[ThatSportsFan]

Originally Posted by woot

I was an AP the last 6 months of my mission, so I was able to get a pretty good idea of the overall righteousness of the mission, and it wasn't pretty.

I ended up playing cops & robbers in the middle of the night several times, looking for missionaries who had taken off with the car, scouring strip joint parking lots, etc. It's crazy how many lap dances were going on and how many naked district meetings there were. Ok that last one only happened once. The same district all went and got tattoos together, and evidently one of their little make-out/who knows what else parties took place in the baptismal font of the local chapel.

Wow I thought my mission was the only one to have a make out session in the baptismal font. Plus the elder that did that was one of my former companions. You would think they could of found a more appropriate place to go make out. But I guess the hormones take over.

[Mrs. Funk]

Originally Posted by jay santos

This is really what I see. I think most people's hearts are like this woman or at least close. But most people don't have the social grace and smarts this woman has and do dumb, awkward stuff just because they don't know how to act. My kids stare (or used to when they were younger and before we taught them not to) at black people at the grocery store. It's not because they hated them or thought they were evil.

I think some of problems may be awkwardness, sure. Nor do I think that it's all because people think missionaries that get sent home or their parents are evil. The reaction goes beyond the awkwardness of staring. There were hours of conversations that went on about my friend who came home, wondering where his parents had gone wrong and if he hadn't dated and slept with that whore of a nonmember, he would be out serving the Lord in the area he'd been called to.

Maybe my experience is an exception to the rule, but I doubt it.

[Archaea]

Originally Posted by Requiem

It is difficult to assess the level of "behind the doors" suffering experienced by families with children sent home early from missions - or for that matter, families who suffer from a myriad of crises. Because missions are often viewed as a "rite of LDS passage" it is at times viewed very publicly as a failure of the parents if the missionary returns home early. The Bishop can only do so much in these situations. The collective reaching out and bearing of burdens by a ward and stake can have significant impact.

I must admit I have never shunned a person, especially not the parents. I have not always known what proper procedure is in dealing with the affected person. Usually I just act as if nothing has happened. No big production but no shunning. If it had happened to me, I would want to melt into the wall and be ignored.