Ward sociality

[MikeWaters]

The Relief Society asked my wife to head up a new "culinary interest group."

Yesterday she prepared a number of dishes and ingredients in preparation for their first meeting that night.

One person showed up.

It was somewhat poorly promoted, yes, but still, that's kind of disappointing. And this seems to be par for the course in this ward. Not much camaraderie, nor socialization. When we moved to the 'burbs, we expected a ward with a lot of kids, a lot of teenagers in the youth programs. Instead we got a ward where my daughter is the ONLY sunbeam, and the primary and YM and YW programs are much smaller (2 priests, 1 deacon). The ward is composed of two primary groups--a very large group of empty nesters and retirees, and a smaller group of apartment-dwelling younger families and couples that are moving in and out. Not much in the way of young families in their first or second home.

So in other words, by moving to this ward in the burbs, we have moved into a ward that is in many ways more strapped for human resources and less vibrant and less close.

Of course, when you live in a place as big as this, what is the burbs is very different from place to place. The concentration of young families is further north, in the further away suburbs where the homes are newer and cheaper. We are wholly at the mercy of our demographics.

My fantasy of moving into a ward where there are so many adult male priesthood holders, that I could "disappear", well that is gone. Big time.

[BYUsportsguy]

The social aspect of wards is always below expectation. I don't think I've ever lived in a ward that was just 'full of friends'

And sometimes these kinds of extra activities are doomed to fail anyway since just what's already demanded in the handbook already demands so much of our time - new additions like interest groups of any kind will never be appreciated, and it's too bad your wife prepared so much for such a small turnout.

Same thing happens around here.

[MikeWaters]

Actually these interest groups are demanded by the handbook, in replacement of the regular enrichment/homemaking.

They have been thriving for a long time in our old "urban" ward. They are just starting in this ward, and based on the first one to come on line (my wife's), not doing so well.

I've heard some people complain that in my current ward, people are nice, but they don't really care about each other all that much. I think that is probably true.

The problem is that it is hard for a ward to meaningfully function when people are not socially integrated with each other. It's a kind of malaise. It has a momentum of its own, and it is hard to overcome.

I've heard from more than one person in the ward, that it is their desire that the boundaries be changed, to shake things up. That's probably never a glowing endorsement of the status quo.

[RedHeadGal]

I thought the latest guidance was a movement away from the small RS groups. I can't keep track any more.

I think the demographic problems you describe aren't that unusual. Places that were settled by families whose children came up in the 60s and 70s live in older, smaller homes. Perhaps nearer suburbs. These areas are less desirable to today's families, which are looking for the big, new house. These houses are built further out because it's cheaper and that's where the land is. You may find the demographic shifts over the next few years, though. My ward is a lot like that, and I think it's changed a fair amount in the 12 years I've lived there.

But what do you propose in terms of promoting social cohesion? That's something I think about a fair amount because I'm the activities chair, and I feel like ward activities are the single, solitary time where everyone is invited to come and be together and be social. The only other time a ward is ever all together is sacrament meeting, which isn't necessarily a great time to bond. Of course, most people hate ward activities. It's incredibly hard to orchestrate good ward activities. Most people have some degree of social anxiety that causes them to avoid meeting new people freely. Even in the smaller groups it can be hard.

[danimal]

Originally Posted by MikeWaters

The Relief Society asked my wife to head up a new "culinary interest group."

Yesterday she prepared a number of dishes and ingredients in preparation for their first meeting that night.

One person showed up.

It was somewhat poorly promoted, yes, but still, that's kind of disappointing. And this seems to be par for the course in this ward. Not much camaraderie, nor socialization. When we moved to the 'burbs, we expected a ward with a lot of kids, a lot of teenagers in the youth programs. Instead we got a ward where my daughter is the ONLY sunbeam, and the primary and YM and YW programs are much smaller (2 priests, 1 deacon). The ward is composed of two primary groups--a very large group of empty nesters and retirees, and a smaller group of apartment-dwelling younger families and couples that are moving in and out. Not much in the way of young families in their first or second home.

So in other words, by moving to this ward in the burbs, we have moved into a ward that is in many ways more strapped for human resources and less vibrant and less close.

Of course, when you live in a place as big as this, what is the burbs is very different from place to place. The concentration of young families is further north, in the further away suburbs where the homes are newer and cheaper. We are wholly at the mercy of our demographics.

My fantasy of moving into a ward where there are so many adult male priesthood holders, that I could "disappear", well that is gone. Big time.

Would be a great role for her if people actually showed up. I'd show up for her cooking.

My ward growing up was frequently raided by BYU to fill positions and stll had dozens of able leaders. Couldn't find jobs for all the qualified people. I expected your 'burb ward to be more like a utah one.