Church and Social Anxiety - cougarguard.com — unofficial BYU Cougars / LDS sports, football, basketball forum and message board

realtall · 05-13-2012, 03:29 AM

The older that I get the less that I want to talk to people at church, sometime even go to church. I really don't know why, I just don't feel like talking. People are always 'Glad to See' me, a hint that maybe I'm not as active as I should be, which is probably true. They say they want to know how I am doing but are utterly unprepared for any sort of negative response. I'm really not much for small talk and I really don't care how they are doing.

I try to avoid people, sitting in my seat and keeping my head down between meetings but the occasional greeting is unavoidable.

I'm not sure how much longer this phase will last but so far it's been 11 years.

MikeWaters · 05-13-2012, 03:37 AM

callings? I've found that many of my callings have forced me to get to know people. If you've turned down callings, then you've created a self-fulfilling prophecy.

realtall · 05-13-2012, 03:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MikeWaters

callings? I've found that many of my callings have forced me to get to know people. If you've turned down callings, then you've created a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I don't have one but haven't turned one down either.

MikeWaters · 05-14-2012, 05:05 AM

Social anxiety is different than social apathy. The former implies that you would like to be social but find it difficult. The latter is a symptom of just not caring. Sometimes it may be a combination.

Some people say it's so hard to walk away from the church. How hard can it be? Half the members of the church in the US don't attend. A goodly percentage of those are only affiliated on paper.

People might say that to me and my reply was "How hard is it? I'm the only one of my siblings who is active in the church."

My point is this: at some point people have to decide if they are going to be in or out. The good Lord will put these decisions in your lap, and then it is up to you.

Years ago, out of the blue, I was called to a calling that seemed very unlikely for me, given the level of my prior callings and my activity level (partial church attendance mostly due to work, not attending any social activities, and not bothering to get to know anyone). The calling was executive secretary.

Obviously, the important decision in this process was to say "yes." Now suddenly I was sitting in on Bishopric meetings, Ward Council, PEC, taking and making phone calls. I began to know people, began to know of issues and struggles (nothing that violated confidentiality). It made a big difference in my life.

You don't need to be called to be a counselor in the Bishopric to break this cycle. You do however need to start caring and serving (more). It doesn't need to be anything "official." That means attending. It means volunteering to do service. It means reaching and out and helping. The gospel was never meant to be a bunch of theory and doctrine. It was meant to be an organic process that you live--and it can be messy and unsettling, but in the end you will find it much more satisfying than anything else.

Start serving and pray for a calling that will bless you and your family. It will come if you desire it.

MikeWaters · 05-14-2012, 05:08 AM

You may even want to reach out to your Bishop, explain your issue, and in a humble fashion inquire if there might be a calling that you can serve in. Or not even explain anything, but ask him if the Lord has a calling for you. Maybe you get called as a Ward Missionary for example, and suddenly you are involved in the lives of a number of strangers. And it begins to matter to you in a way that it didn't before. Or you get called into the YM's organization, and these kids that were before just the faces that administered the sacrament become your stewards, and years later you are still invested in them and praying for their success. And so forth.

Archaea · 05-14-2012, 02:41 PM

Those are good words.

I empathize with Real Tall's predicament of often feeling disinterested in much of what occurs at church. The events that keep me returning are the sincere acts of kindness and expressions of sincerity. The routine comments and conduct deaden my senses.

The problem occurs with the recycling of callings at the ward level, and the stake level callings have absolutely no interest to me. Those are all administrative and are boring as hades.

By recycling is receiving the same calling a second or third time. Except primary callings. Those are worth while.

realtall · 05-17-2012, 12:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MikeWaters

You may even want to reach out to your Bishop, explain your issue, and in a humble fashion inquire if there might be a calling that you can serve in. Or not even explain anything, but ask him if the Lord has a calling for you. Maybe you get called as a Ward Missionary for example, and suddenly you are involved in the lives of a number of strangers. And it begins to matter to you in a way that it didn't before. Or you get called into the YM's organization, and these kids that were before just the faces that administered the sacrament become your stewards, and years later you are still invested in them and praying for their success. And so forth.

I should ask to be second counselor in the Sunday School Presidency. That's sort of my dream calling.

Archaea · 05-17-2012, 08:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by realtall

I should ask to be second counselor in the Sunday School Presidency. That's sort of my dream calling.

I requested the calling of part-time visitor. It is the best of both worlds, relaxing while cycling on weekends when church is too far away, and being greeted as if you're important on weekends you attend.

Tex · 05-17-2012, 10:05 PM

"I know thy works, that thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot.

So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth."

MikeWaters · 05-17-2012, 10:22 PM

Many moons ago I was called to be 2nd counselor in the Sunday School Presidency.

This was back in the day when SS opening exercises were held immediately after Sacrament meeting, before people were dismissed. The SS president would give a spiritual thought every week. I think on occasion he would invite me to do this in his place.

Then the SS president was called to be Bishop. And since he loved the spiritual thought thing, we had to continue with it. The new SS President was a traveling salesman who was gone most weeks. So he would call me up and ask me to do the spiritual thought.

How many people in this church have to prepare a sermon EVERY WEEK???!!!! It was a lot of pressure and it sucked. I was becoming Joel Osteen. The first counselor in the SS presidency was from Cambodia and could hardly speak any English (which is why the president would always call me and never him). So I started to change things up. The president would call me, then I would call the First Counselor to give the thought about every other time, and he would get up and say something that no one could understand. But he was very sincere and a great guy.

That's my SS presidency story, not exactly the super cush calling I expected it to be.

05-13-2012, 03:29 AM	#1
realtall Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Krum, TX Posts: 891	Church and Social Anxiety The older that I get the less that I want to talk to people at church, sometime even go to church. I really don't know why, I just don't feel like talking. People are always 'Glad to See' me, a hint that maybe I'm not as active as I should be, which is probably true. They say they want to know how I am doing but are utterly unprepared for any sort of negative response. I'm really not much for small talk and I really don't care how they are doing. I try to avoid people, sitting in my seat and keeping my head down between meetings but the occasional greeting is unavoidable. I'm not sure how much longer this phase will last but so far it's been 11 years. __________________ http://realtall.blogspot.com/

05-14-2012, 02:41 PM	#6
Archaea Assistant to the Regional Manager Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: The Orgasmatron Posts: 24,338	Those are good words. I empathize with Real Tall's predicament of often feeling disinterested in much of what occurs at church. The events that keep me returning are the sincere acts of kindness and expressions of sincerity. The routine comments and conduct deaden my senses. The problem occurs with the recycling of callings at the ward level, and the stake level callings have absolutely no interest to me. Those are all administrative and are boring as hades. By recycling is receiving the same calling a second or third time. Except primary callings. Those are worth while. __________________ Ἓν οἶδα ὅτι οὐδὲν οἶδα

05-17-2012, 10:05 PM	#9
Tex Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 8,596	"I know thy works, that thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot. So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth." __________________ "Have we been commanded not to call a prophet an insular racist? Link?" "And yes, [2010] is a very good year to be a Democrat. Perhaps the best year in decades ..." - Cali Coug "Oh dear, granny, what a long tail our puss has got." - Brigham Young

05-13-2012, 03:37 AM	#2
MikeWaters Demiurge Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 36,365	callings? I've found that many of my callings have forced me to get to know people. If you've turned down callings, then you've created a self-fulfilling prophecy.

05-14-2012, 05:05 AM	#4
MikeWaters Demiurge Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 36,365	Social anxiety is different than social apathy. The former implies that you would like to be social but find it difficult. The latter is a symptom of just not caring. Sometimes it may be a combination. Some people say it's so hard to walk away from the church. How hard can it be? Half the members of the church in the US don't attend. A goodly percentage of those are only affiliated on paper. People might say that to me and my reply was "How hard is it? I'm the only one of my siblings who is active in the church." My point is this: at some point people have to decide if they are going to be in or out. The good Lord will put these decisions in your lap, and then it is up to you. Years ago, out of the blue, I was called to a calling that seemed very unlikely for me, given the level of my prior callings and my activity level (partial church attendance mostly due to work, not attending any social activities, and not bothering to get to know anyone). The calling was executive secretary. Obviously, the important decision in this process was to say "yes." Now suddenly I was sitting in on Bishopric meetings, Ward Council, PEC, taking and making phone calls. I began to know people, began to know of issues and struggles (nothing that violated confidentiality). It made a big difference in my life. You don't need to be called to be a counselor in the Bishopric to break this cycle. You do however need to start caring and serving (more). It doesn't need to be anything "official." That means attending. It means volunteering to do service. It means reaching and out and helping. The gospel was never meant to be a bunch of theory and doctrine. It was meant to be an organic process that you live--and it can be messy and unsettling, but in the end you will find it much more satisfying than anything else. Start serving and pray for a calling that will bless you and your family. It will come if you desire it.

05-14-2012, 05:08 AM	#5
MikeWaters Demiurge Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 36,365	You may even want to reach out to your Bishop, explain your issue, and in a humble fashion inquire if there might be a calling that you can serve in. Or not even explain anything, but ask him if the Lord has a calling for you. Maybe you get called as a Ward Missionary for example, and suddenly you are involved in the lives of a number of strangers. And it begins to matter to you in a way that it didn't before. Or you get called into the YM's organization, and these kids that were before just the faces that administered the sacrament become your stewards, and years later you are still invested in them and praying for their success. And so forth.

05-17-2012, 10:22 PM	#10
MikeWaters Demiurge Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 36,365	Many moons ago I was called to be 2nd counselor in the Sunday School Presidency. This was back in the day when SS opening exercises were held immediately after Sacrament meeting, before people were dismissed. The SS president would give a spiritual thought every week. I think on occasion he would invite me to do this in his place. Then the SS president was called to be Bishop. And since he loved the spiritual thought thing, we had to continue with it. The new SS President was a traveling salesman who was gone most weeks. So he would call me up and ask me to do the spiritual thought. How many people in this church have to prepare a sermon EVERY WEEK???!!!! It was a lot of pressure and it sucked. I was becoming Joel Osteen. The first counselor in the SS presidency was from Cambodia and could hardly speak any English (which is why the president would always call me and never him). So I started to change things up. The president would call me, then I would call the First Counselor to give the thought about every other time, and he would get up and say something that no one could understand. But he was very sincere and a great guy. That's my SS presidency story, not exactly the super cush calling I expected it to be.