Has anyone else ever taken a break from church? - cougarguard.com — unofficial BYU Cougars / LDS sports, football, basketball forum and message board

observer · 12-12-2008, 06:09 PM

I have way way way too much stress in my life right now. I have a wife, 5 super busy kids, 2 full time jobs, and simply too much to do. Sleep has been a huge chore for me for many years as some exceptionally scary things happen to me during the night. Believe it or not, I never get more than 2 or 3 hours of sleep per night, and sometimes much less than that. This has been going on for 30 years or more. Anyway, I have been approaching a monstrous breakdown for some time now and something had to give.

I have taught Primary for more than 17 years, and I love doing it, but a couple weeks back I pretty much lost it in class. So...after careful consideration over all this I went to my bishop, shared my testimony with him of the truthfulness of the gospel, and then asked him to release me from my callings and church responsibilities. I went on to inform him that the only stressful thing in my life that I can give up right now is the church - I simply need a break. He was rightfully concerned, but he begrudgingly agreed to let me do what is best for me.

I told him that I am not planning on attending meetings for awhile (I called it a sabbatical), but am not going to give up my membership or anything like that. Getting away for awhile is really the only way I can cope with life right now. I figured I could either just quit going without telling anyone, continue to go and pretend that everything is okay, or I could let the bishop know of my decision so that he knows why I am doing it. Incidentally, it took about 2 hours before the ward's "Save Observer Committee" was up and running in full swing.

This happened this past Sunday, and I have been more relaxed and less stressed than I have been in many years. I am not trying to convince anyone else that I am doing the right thing. I made my decision and am going to live with the results. My purpose in writing this is because I want to know if any of the rest of you have ever done such a thing, and if so...how did it turn out for you?

MikeWaters · 12-12-2008, 06:12 PM

I can only speak for myself, but merely attending church on Sunday would be a huge reduction in time and effort compared to what I currently do at church, so while I can relate to wanting or thinking about a "break" from my responsibilities, it is more along the lines of "boy would it be nice to have a calling to teach primary" rather than "I need a break from church altogether."

I am scoutmaster, in YM presidency, and Deacon's advisor. I went into that directly from executive secretary.

Levin · 12-12-2008, 06:53 PM

I don't know how you feel, but I've felt overburdened at times and longed for wide open Sundays. When I've given myself a free Sunday pass, the whole day felt jilted, and wasn't enjoyable. If you're going to do this, I think you're doing it the right way: going whole hog.

I have one nagging thought: with primary, I assume you don't have to prepare much after doing it for 17 years (negligent bishopric, BTW -- unless you wanted it). And so it is 3 hours on a Sunday that you are saving. Is it the extra time that has relieved you of so much stress, or is it something else? You describe it as if it is the time . . . and perhaps you're so busy (which you definitely are by the sounds of it), that an extra three hours -- and more importantly, a wide open day -- really do make the difference.

But maybe it's the "mantle" of activity -- that weight and self-expectation that's been lifted off your shoulders -- that has caused you to feel so light and free.

I assume the kids and wife are going along with it . . .

observer · 12-12-2008, 08:23 PM

Yes, my wife and kids are going along with this decision. In fact, my wife told me that she would rather be married to a happy inactive person than to an unhappy active one.

As far as Primary goes...yes, there is very little preparation involved anymore for me. I have never been released because I have such a great love for that calling. In fact, I told my bishop that teaching those kids was the only joy I get from Church right now, and I am going to miss that more than anything else. Unfortunately, when I am so tired and stressed that I start crying for no reason during my lessons, I know I have to give it up.

One other reason for this decision is that I do not feel wanted or needed in the ward. I explained to my bishop that there are only 3 men in the ward that have spoken to me in the past 4 months. I gave him their names and told him how much I appreciate them all. I also told him how I have tried very hard to get to know people in the ward, but to no avail.

I made a plan earlier this year to get to Sacrament meeting early, look around the room, and then sit by someone I do not know and introduce myself. I have done this for quite awhile with mixed results. Well, one Sunday a few weeks back, I got to church early, and I honestly felt as if the voice of God was speaking to me telling me to go sit next to this one particular couple that I had never met. As I walked over there, I felt very close to the Lord and completely in tune with the spirit.

However, no sooner had I sat down, than this particular lady leaned forward and said, "You are going to have to move...this is where the Johnson family sits". She did not ask me to move - she told me to. Well, as emotionally fragile as I am, I nearly lost it right there. In response, I stood up and moved one row forward, but could not hide my disappointment. I am not telling you this story to garner sympathy or attention, I am simply stating that I still believe God wanted me to sit there for some reason and it really was a difficult situation for me. I don't know why God would do that, but he must have had his reasons.

The bishop was visibly upset and concerned for me, but he really showed great support and compassion for what I have been dealing with lately. I appreciate him so much for being willing to listen and not judge me for my actions. In fact, he told me how disappointed in how unfriendly this ward seems to be for so many people. He was exceptionally understanding.

Anyway, my wife and kids are extremely worried about me. They all know that I am not a happy person anymore, and know that this is the only choice I have right now. Unfortunately I cannot change the amount of stress I have with work and home, so church is what is being cut out. And like I said, I have had a much better week than I have had in several years.

Thanks for your response.

MikeWaters · 12-12-2008, 08:38 PM

At least you didn't attend church and then on a particular Sunday find that 90% of the ward had moved out because they didn't like you.

Levin · 12-12-2008, 08:44 PM

I wish you peace and rest of soul, Observer. And only one full-time job!

Levin · 12-12-2008, 08:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MikeWaters

At least you didn't attend church and then on a particular Sunday find that 90% of the ward had moved out because they didn't like you.

Who'd this happen to?

Or is it just a "it could be worse"?

MikeWaters · 12-12-2008, 08:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Levin

Who'd this happen to?

Or is it just a "it could be worse"?

It's a joke.

SeattleUte · 12-12-2008, 09:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mikewaters

at least you didn't attend church and then on a particular sunday find that 90% of the ward had moved out because they didn't like you.

lol.

All-American · 12-12-2008, 09:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Levin

Who'd this happen to?

Or is it just a "it could be worse"?

I think he's just speaking off the cuff a little.

12-12-2008, 06:09 PM	#1
observer Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 7	Has anyone else ever taken a break from church? I have way way way too much stress in my life right now. I have a wife, 5 super busy kids, 2 full time jobs, and simply too much to do. Sleep has been a huge chore for me for many years as some exceptionally scary things happen to me during the night. Believe it or not, I never get more than 2 or 3 hours of sleep per night, and sometimes much less than that. This has been going on for 30 years or more. Anyway, I have been approaching a monstrous breakdown for some time now and something had to give. I have taught Primary for more than 17 years, and I love doing it, but a couple weeks back I pretty much lost it in class. So...after careful consideration over all this I went to my bishop, shared my testimony with him of the truthfulness of the gospel, and then asked him to release me from my callings and church responsibilities. I went on to inform him that the only stressful thing in my life that I can give up right now is the church - I simply need a break. He was rightfully concerned, but he begrudgingly agreed to let me do what is best for me. I told him that I am not planning on attending meetings for awhile (I called it a sabbatical), but am not going to give up my membership or anything like that. Getting away for awhile is really the only way I can cope with life right now. I figured I could either just quit going without telling anyone, continue to go and pretend that everything is okay, or I could let the bishop know of my decision so that he knows why I am doing it. Incidentally, it took about 2 hours before the ward's "Save Observer Committee" was up and running in full swing. This happened this past Sunday, and I have been more relaxed and less stressed than I have been in many years. I am not trying to convince anyone else that I am doing the right thing. I made my decision and am going to live with the results. My purpose in writing this is because I want to know if any of the rest of you have ever done such a thing, and if so...how did it turn out for you? Last edited by observer; 12-12-2008 at 06:11 PM.

12-12-2008, 06:53 PM	#3
Levin Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 1,484	I don't know how you feel, but I've felt overburdened at times and longed for wide open Sundays. When I've given myself a free Sunday pass, the whole day felt jilted, and wasn't enjoyable. If you're going to do this, I think you're doing it the right way: going whole hog. I have one nagging thought: with primary, I assume you don't have to prepare much after doing it for 17 years (negligent bishopric, BTW -- unless you wanted it). And so it is 3 hours on a Sunday that you are saving. Is it the extra time that has relieved you of so much stress, or is it something else? You describe it as if it is the time . . . and perhaps you're so busy (which you definitely are by the sounds of it), that an extra three hours -- and more importantly, a wide open day -- really do make the difference. But maybe it's the "mantle" of activity -- that weight and self-expectation that's been lifted off your shoulders -- that has caused you to feel so light and free. I assume the kids and wife are going along with it . . . __________________ "Now I say that I know the meaning of my life: 'To live for God, for my soul.' And this meaning, in spite of its clearness, is mysterious and marvelous. Such is the meaning of all existence." Levin, Anna Karenina, Part 8, Chapter 12

12-12-2008, 08:23 PM	#4
observer Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 7	My burden has been lifted Yes, my wife and kids are going along with this decision. In fact, my wife told me that she would rather be married to a happy inactive person than to an unhappy active one. As far as Primary goes...yes, there is very little preparation involved anymore for me. I have never been released because I have such a great love for that calling. In fact, I told my bishop that teaching those kids was the only joy I get from Church right now, and I am going to miss that more than anything else. Unfortunately, when I am so tired and stressed that I start crying for no reason during my lessons, I know I have to give it up. One other reason for this decision is that I do not feel wanted or needed in the ward. I explained to my bishop that there are only 3 men in the ward that have spoken to me in the past 4 months. I gave him their names and told him how much I appreciate them all. I also told him how I have tried very hard to get to know people in the ward, but to no avail. I made a plan earlier this year to get to Sacrament meeting early, look around the room, and then sit by someone I do not know and introduce myself. I have done this for quite awhile with mixed results. Well, one Sunday a few weeks back, I got to church early, and I honestly felt as if the voice of God was speaking to me telling me to go sit next to this one particular couple that I had never met. As I walked over there, I felt very close to the Lord and completely in tune with the spirit. However, no sooner had I sat down, than this particular lady leaned forward and said, "You are going to have to move...this is where the Johnson family sits". She did not ask me to move - she told me to. Well, as emotionally fragile as I am, I nearly lost it right there. In response, I stood up and moved one row forward, but could not hide my disappointment. I am not telling you this story to garner sympathy or attention, I am simply stating that I still believe God wanted me to sit there for some reason and it really was a difficult situation for me. I don't know why God would do that, but he must have had his reasons. The bishop was visibly upset and concerned for me, but he really showed great support and compassion for what I have been dealing with lately. I appreciate him so much for being willing to listen and not judge me for my actions. In fact, he told me how disappointed in how unfriendly this ward seems to be for so many people. He was exceptionally understanding. Anyway, my wife and kids are extremely worried about me. They all know that I am not a happy person anymore, and know that this is the only choice I have right now. Unfortunately I cannot change the amount of stress I have with work and home, so church is what is being cut out. And like I said, I have had a much better week than I have had in several years. Thanks for your response.

12-12-2008, 08:44 PM	#6
Levin Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 1,484	I wish you peace and rest of soul, Observer. And only one full-time job! __________________ "Now I say that I know the meaning of my life: 'To live for God, for my soul.' And this meaning, in spite of its clearness, is mysterious and marvelous. Such is the meaning of all existence." Levin, Anna Karenina, Part 8, Chapter 12

12-12-2008, 06:12 PM	#2
MikeWaters Demiurge Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 36,365	I can only speak for myself, but merely attending church on Sunday would be a huge reduction in time and effort compared to what I currently do at church, so while I can relate to wanting or thinking about a "break" from my responsibilities, it is more along the lines of "boy would it be nice to have a calling to teach primary" rather than "I need a break from church altogether." I am scoutmaster, in YM presidency, and Deacon's advisor. I went into that directly from executive secretary.

12-12-2008, 08:38 PM	#5
MikeWaters Demiurge Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 36,365	At least you didn't attend church and then on a particular Sunday find that 90% of the ward had moved out because they didn't like you.