Can men be friends with an attractive woman

[RockyBalboa]

Originally Posted by MikeWaters

Farrah and I had some arguments about this back in the day when we were dating. Me: "that guy who flew up from California during his spring break, and showed up at your door at 11pm the night he got in, I think he's interested in you romantically." Farrah: "no way."

lol.

When I was dating that Brazilian girl last year and early this year, we'd decided to date exclusively. About a month in I notice a watch she's wearing I hadn't seen before, a VERY nice watch. The conversation ensues something like this:

Me: Wow..that's a really beautiful watch, I've never seen you where that before. Where'd you get it?

Her: Oh, I just got it from a friend.

Insert interruption here.....now NO GIRL ever says "I got it from a friend unless it's a GUY friend...if it's a girl friend of hers she always will refer to her by the girls actual name. Girls think that men don't pick up on that obvious communicating tactic.

Conversation continues.....

Me: Oh ok.

Her: You wanna know which friend don't you?

Me; I don't care

Her: It was from my guy friend in Houston, Raphael.

Me: When did he give it to you?

Her: Just a couple of weeks ago when he was in town. He took me out to dinner, a Jazz game and then gave me this watch as my Christmas present....please don't get mad at me....really,,,we're just friends and I knew you'd get upset if I went out with a guy friend.

Me: No, I wouldn't get upset if you were straight up with me and had been honest about it to begin with.

Her: He's a just friend.

Me: Right....Friends just roll into town around Christmas, take their friend out to dinner, a Jazz game and then roll out an extremely expensive watch as a Christmas present. I can only imagine how generous he is with his guy friends.

Her: That's not fair that you're acting jealous.

Me: Yeah, I suppose you're right to an extent...however it's not fair you weren't honest with me just until now either.

Her: Well he flies up here a couple times a year to visit with me and hang out.

Me: Wow,,,you're either completely and totally oblivious to this guys real intentions or you know and have rebuffed his advances. You do realize what he wants from you right?

Her: No, really we're just friends.

Me: So you don't realize or just don't want to realize?

Her: Why are you making such a big deal out of this?

Me: Yeah,,I guess I'm being an ass for wondering why my girlfriend went on a date with another man without telling me.

Her: It wasn't a date.

Me: Did you help pay for any of the date or did he pull out the money for the 5th row seats, dinner at The Roof and what you told me was a 2 thousand dollar watch? You're right,,,I'm dumb, it's not a date. He's not wanting anything from you at all......

Her: You're not being nice.

Me: Actually I think I'm the only one who actually gets what's happening here.


End of conversation...fast forward...relationship ends about 2 weeks later....I haven't heard from her since and vice versa. Come to find out from one of her best friends down in Orem that about 1 month after we broke up she moved down to Houston to live with the guy.

Dating sucks.

[MikeWaters]

The fact that she kept it a secret tells you all you need to know about whether she considered it a date or not.

[MikeWaters]

The thing that finally became too much for me, after this guy had spent a week with Farrah during his spring break, was during the next summer......I was going to Portland to kind of be around Farrah for the summer. So I was staying at her house with her parents til I could move in with my friend, in a week or two. So this SAME GUY is around (he lived in Portland) and wants to go on a date with her. You know, come pick her up, go do something, hang out, catch dinner, etc. I was really pissed, because Farrah is saying this is not a date, and I am saying YES THIS IS A DATE and I don't want you to go. So Farrah gets really upset, and I am upset. It could have ended right there. But it didn't.

Guy was a dork anyway.

If we were seeing other people that's one thing. But when you are exclusive, I have my own idea of what "exclusive" is.

We won't go into when I had a friend that was a girl and we would hang out, in the period when Farrah was still at BYU finishing up and I was continuing my studies. THAT WAS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT AND PLATONIC.

[FarrahWaters]

Well, I'm sure this subject is tiring to everyone else, but since Mike has made me out to be a silly, naive little girl, I thought I'd briefly defend myself.

Guy from Portland: Casually dated one summer, never shared physical affection of any kind. Over the school year, we e-mailed each other twice. When he showed up in Provo suddenly (at the HFAC, not at my apartment at night), he said he was visiting his cousins/aunt/ uncle, and was going to go to General Conference. I hadn't heard from him in months, I had no reason to believe he came because he was in love with me. I told him I had a boyfriend, he said he was just interested in being casual friends.

When he called my parent's house the next summer, Mike overheard him asking (damn that speaker phone!) if I wanted to hang out. I didn't say yes, and I had not intention of saying yes. I don't know what Mike was so pissed about. It's not my fault he called, I didn't encourage him in any way.

[MikeWaters]

Originally Posted by FarrahWaters

Well, I'm sure this subject is tiring to everyone else, but since Mike has made me out to be a silly, naive little girl, I thought I'd briefly defend myself.

Guy from Portland: Casually dated one summer, never shared physical affection of any kind. Over the school year, we e-mailed each other twice. When he showed up in Provo suddenly (at the HFAC, not at my apartment at night), he said he was visiting his cousins/aunt/ uncle, and was going to go to General Conference. I hadn't heard from him in months, I had no reason to believe he came because he was in love with me. I told him I had a boyfriend, he said he was just interested in being casual friends.

When he called my parent's house the next summer, Mike overheard him asking (damn that speaker phone!) if I wanted to hang out. I didn't say yes, and I had not intention of saying yes. I don't know what Mike was so pissed about. It's not my fault he called, I didn't encourage him in any way.

if you believe this, I have some oceanfront property in Mongolia...

[il Padrino Ute]

Sorry Farrah, but the Y chromosome in me has to side with Mike on this.

You may have said that you only wanted to be casual friends, but what he heard was "I want you."

[FarrahWaters]

Originally Posted by il Padrino Ute

Sorry Farrah, but the Y chromosome in me has to side with Mike on this.

You may have said that you only wanted to be casual friends, but what he heard was "I want you."

I didn't say I wanted to be friends. I said, "I have a boyfriend". I guess that's also code for "I want you".

As Mike mentioned, he was also "good friends" with a woman when he started medical school (I was still in Provo finishing my degree). They hung out all the time, went out to eat, and he would stay at her place until the wee hours of the morning. He insisted they were just friends, but it turns out she was pursuing him. After all the grief he gave me about Portland guy, I should refuse to change his oil.

[DrumNFeather]

Originally Posted by FarrahWaters

Well, I'm sure this subject is tiring to everyone else, but since Mike has made me out to be a silly, naive little girl, I thought I'd briefly defend myself.

Guy from Portland: Casually dated one summer, never shared physical affection of any kind. Over the school year, we e-mailed each other twice. When he showed up in Provo suddenly (at the HFAC, not at my apartment at night), he said he was visiting his cousins/aunt/ uncle, and was going to go to General Conference. I hadn't heard from him in months, I had no reason to believe he came because he was in love with me. I told him I had a boyfriend, he said he was just interested in being casual friends.

When he called my parent's house the next summer, Mike overheard him asking (damn that speaker phone!) if I wanted to hang out. I didn't say yes, and I had not intention of saying yes. I don't know what Mike was so pissed about. It's not my fault he called, I didn't encourage him in any way.

This reminds me of great quote Tom Berranger had in Major League (how many great lines does that guy have??? This may be the only one!) His girlfriend caught him with another woman (or something to that effect) and he says, "Well, wouldn't you rather be with a guy who was desirable to other woman?"

...she just shook her head. lol.

[myboynoah]

Originally Posted by RockyBalboa

It's funny because the trend that I hear from most of the girls I talk to is always...."I have more guy friends than girl friends...I get along better with guys..."

That is/was always such an eye-roller. Either they are extremely naive or they are trying to hook up without appearing to do so.

Originally Posted by FarrahWaters

Well, I'm sure this subject is tiring to everyone else, but since Mike has made me out to be a silly, naive little girl, I thought I'd briefly defend myself.

Guy from Portland: Casually dated one summer, never shared physical affection of any kind. Over the school year, we e-mailed each other twice. When he showed up in Provo suddenly (at the HFAC, not at my apartment at night), he said he was visiting his cousins/aunt/ uncle, and was going to go to General Conference. I hadn't heard from him in months, I had no reason to believe he came because he was in love with me. I told him I had a boyfriend, he said he was just interested in being casual friends.

When he called my parent's house the next summer, Mike overheard him asking (damn that speaker phone!) if I wanted to hang out. I didn't say yes, and I had not intention of saying yes. I don't know what Mike was so pissed about. It's not my fault he called, I didn't encourage him in any way.

Guilty, guilty, guilty. You encouraged him by accepting at face value his statement that he wanted to be casual friends. His obvious plan was to at least be well positioned should Mike fall in some way. Your response should have been, "Mike is my all. I have no need for friends."

[marsupial]

I support you Farrah!