Question for Lawyers - Page 2 - cougarguard.com — unofficial BYU Cougars / LDS sports, football, basketball forum and message board

BlueHair · 10-31-2008, 06:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by creekster

How old are your kids now?

Seven month old twins.

TripletDaddy · 10-31-2008, 06:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlueHair

Seven month old twins.

dont let mikewaters know you have multiples. he can be very judgmental about those kinds of things.

creekster · 10-31-2008, 06:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlueHair

Seven month old twins.

My only advice is very general. While it is good to plan ahead, and to have a vision of your kids' future, don't be too inflexible in your decision making for your kids. Get some experience as a parent, learn your kids' personalities, and make the sorts of decisions you are making now a ltitle later, and as they come. Otherwise, good luck.

BlueHair · 10-31-2008, 06:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TripletDaddy

Just out of curiosity, do you plan to be so ambivalent about all your childrens' endeavors or just the LDS church?

In other words, when your kid is a teen and he has to go to football practice and he says, "nah, don't really feel like it today, I want to play xbox," are you going to say, "Cool! I dont really care one way or the other. Do your thing, homie!"

Seems like you are putting your biases on your kids already, even though it may not feel like that is what is happening.

Why be neutral about any of your childrens' interests?

Obviously there will be things that will not be optional. Like going to school and things like that. Hobbies like football, cheerleading, and fishing can be done as they wish. I will explain to them before they join a team the importance of teamwork, etc. But in the end, if my son plays a half year of football and doesn't like it, I probably won't drag him down to practice.

In regards to religion, I would like to teach them about many faiths. I don't want them to get a one sided approach. I wish I had some family members of other faiths. I will do my best to let them know that religion is personal and they can choose what makes sense to them. My biases will obviously come in to play, but less so than in a person that forces their kids to go to church and convinces them to believe as they do at all costs. If they ask what I believe, I will try to present my beliefs in a way that doesn't influence them too much.

The_Tick · 10-31-2008, 07:54 PM

As far as sports go....

If you let your kid sign up, and don't make them follow through with their commitment you are teaching them that quiting is okay.

Quiting is not okay. You screw your team if you quit. You are teaching them that they don't need to think about anyone else but themselves.

I could care less about church, just don't screw up sports.

Same goes for piano, dance, karate....whatever.

BigFatMeanie · 10-31-2008, 08:12 PM

The baptism form has a specific location for a parents signature - even if it is a Child of Record baptism. There is also a special "Consent" version of the form although I'm not sure how it differs from the CoR form. I'll check it out this Sunday and let you know.

None of the other worthiness interview forms (i.e. priesthood ordination, limited use recommend) require parent's signature although a wise bishop will seek consent from the parents for an Aaronic priesthood ordination when part-member or split families are involved. Several of the youth in our ward live with their mother and step-father. Our Bishop is very conscientious about informing a youth's real father and seeking consent from both parents when the youth is up for a priesthood ordination. So far, the results have always been positive (i.e. the mother hasn't said - "Don't contact my ex-husband - he's a complete bastard, he doesn't have any custody, and it's none of his business if my kid gets ordained a Deacon")

BlueHair · 10-31-2008, 08:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The_Tick

As far as sports go....

If you let your kid sign up, and don't make them follow through with their commitment you are teaching them that quiting is okay.

Quiting is not okay. You screw your team if you quit. You are teaching them that they don't need to think about anyone else but themselves.

I could care less about church, just don't screw up sports.

Same goes for piano, dance, karate....whatever.

How long do they have to keep their commitment? If your six year old daughter tells you she wants to learn piano, then decides at fourteen she has had enough, can she quit? Everyone quits something. So what is the length of time that is acceptable?

Obviously teamwork is important. Quitting can be a bad thing, but learning a lesson and moving on can be equally or more important. Some of my life's biggest regrets are that I worked certain jobs too long. I felt I would be letting the "team" down if I quit. I missed out on a lot of activities that would have been better for me than working that job.

RockyBalboa · 10-31-2008, 08:34 PM

I don't know you at all, but my concern is the wedge the differences philosophically and religiulously you and your wife have will later on drive a wedge between you two...and cause major heartache and contention down the road and it having an effect on your children.

Religion is one of those things in a relationship where for awhile the differences might be okay and they'll tolerate each other, but after awhile....the things that bug you and bug her deep inside that will fester over time might not be worth the pain later on.

I hope that doesn't happen and wish you the best.

BlueHair · 10-31-2008, 08:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RockyBalboa

I don't know you at all, but my concern is the wedge the differences philosophically and religiulously you and your wife have will later on drive a wedge between you two...and cause major heartache and contention down the road and it having an effect on your children.

Religion is one of those things in a relationship where for awhile the differences might be okay and they'll tolerate each other, but after awhile....the things that bug you and bug her deep inside that will fester over time might not be worth the pain later on.

I hope that doesn't happen and wish you the best.

My wife isn't too religious. She mostly wants to take them to primary because she thinks it's cute and she wants them to have interaction with kids their age. Her parents weren't active, but she went to church with her grandparents about half the time. I think she likes the social aspects of church more than the doctrine. You can never be sure, but I don't anticipate it being too much of a problem.

RockyBalboa · 10-31-2008, 08:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlueHair

My wife isn't too religious. She mostly wants to take them to primary because she thinks it's cute and she wants them to have interaction with kids their age. Her parents weren't active, but she went to church with her grandparents about half the time. I think she likes the social aspects of church more than the doctrine. You can never be sure, but I don't anticipate it being too much of a problem.

I'll shut up then and my apologies. I hope I didn't offend you.

10-31-2008, 07:54 PM	#15
The_Tick Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 626	As far as sports go.... If you let your kid sign up, and don't make them follow through with their commitment you are teaching them that quiting is okay. Quiting is not okay. You screw your team if you quit. You are teaching them that they don't need to think about anyone else but themselves. I could care less about church, just don't screw up sports. Same goes for piano, dance, karate....whatever. __________________ Spooooooon

10-31-2008, 08:34 PM	#18
RockyBalboa Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Salt Lake City Posts: 7,297	I don't know you at all, but my concern is the wedge the differences philosophically and religiulously you and your wife have will later on drive a wedge between you two...and cause major heartache and contention down the road and it having an effect on your children. Religion is one of those things in a relationship where for awhile the differences might be okay and they'll tolerate each other, but after awhile....the things that bug you and bug her deep inside that will fester over time might not be worth the pain later on. I hope that doesn't happen and wish you the best. __________________ Masquerading as Cougarguards very own genius dumbass since 05'.

10-31-2008, 08:12 PM	#16
BigFatMeanie Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: South Jordan Posts: 1,725	The baptism form has a specific location for a parents signature - even if it is a Child of Record baptism. There is also a special "Consent" version of the form although I'm not sure how it differs from the CoR form. I'll check it out this Sunday and let you know. None of the other worthiness interview forms (i.e. priesthood ordination, limited use recommend) require parent's signature although a wise bishop will seek consent from the parents for an Aaronic priesthood ordination when part-member or split families are involved. Several of the youth in our ward live with their mother and step-father. Our Bishop is very conscientious about informing a youth's real father and seeking consent from both parents when the youth is up for a priesthood ordination. So far, the results have always been positive (i.e. the mother hasn't said - "Don't contact my ex-husband - he's a complete bastard, he doesn't have any custody, and it's none of his business if my kid gets ordained a Deacon")