Question for Lawyers

[BlueHair]

Originally Posted by RockyBalboa

I'll shut up then and my apologies. I hope I didn't offend you.

You said nothing offensive. No apology necessary.

[CardiacCoug]

Your approach to your kids sounds a lot like I feel about missions in particular and reminds me of how my dad talked to me about a mission. He must have said to me dozens of times, "You know, you don't have to go on a mission if you don't want to go."

So when I was miserable and depressed on my mission, I would remember how my dad didn't pressure me into going and think to myself, "Yeah this sucks, but you have nobody to blame but yourself for this."

I like your overall sentiment of wanting to educate your children about many different religious traditions and not force feeding them the LDS viewpoint on everything. But I see raising children in the Church more as providing them the full freedom to remain lifelong members if they choose and not necessarily committing them to that path or limiting their choices as adults in any way.

And even from a purely secular standpoint I think going to Primary is good for kids. They learn songs. They have to give talks in front of an audience. They have to learn how to sit still and shut up once in a while. And if you don't like some of the things your kids are taught in Church, it's pretty easy to deprogram them and immunize them against fanaticism with what you teach them at home.

My 8 and 6-year olds are pretty aggressive about expressing their opinions at Church about evolution and not taking Bible stories (like Jonah) literally (based on the feedback I have received from some teachers).

[Archaea]

Originally Posted by BlueHair

How long do they have to keep their commitment? If your six year old daughter tells you she wants to learn piano, then decides at fourteen she has had enough, can she quit? Everyone quits something. So what is the length of time that is acceptable?

Obviously teamwork is important. Quitting can be a bad thing, but learning a lesson and moving on can be equally or more important. Some of my life's biggest regrets are that I worked certain jobs too long. I felt I would be letting the "team" down if I quit. I missed out on a lot of activities that would have been better for me than working that job.

You didn't ask my opinion but that never stopped me before.

Here are a few observations. My parents always made all of us but one finish a full season of anything we started. Thus if we started piano, we had to continue for at least one year. If we started a sport, we couldn't quit mid-season. We didn't have to start the next season.

One sibling did not, and in a small part, he later had trouble finishing anything. All other siblings finished advanced degrees and usually complete what they begin. He is finally turning around but it took many years more, than the rest of us. Not causative or correlative necessarily but an interesting observation. I have college aged children now and have tried to implement the same requirement.

Just an idea for you.

[BlueHair]

Originally Posted by Archaea

You didn't ask my opinion but that never stopped me before.

Here are a few observations. My parents always made all of us but one finish a full season of anything we started. Thus if we started piano, we had to continue for at least one year. If we started a sport, we couldn't quit mid-season. We didn't have to start the next season.

One sibling did not, and in a small part, he later had trouble finishing anything. All other siblings finished advanced degrees and usually complete what they begin. He is finally turning around but it took many years more, than the rest of us. Not causative or correlative necessarily but an interesting observation. I have college aged children now and have tried to implement the same requirement.

Just an idea for you.

A season sounds reasonable. I feel there needs to be a balance between perserverance and not feeling like I am trying to live my life through them. I am a huge sports fan and I really hope my kids are into sports, but I don't want to force it on them.

[BlueHair]

Originally Posted by CardiacCoug

My 8 and 6-year olds are pretty aggressive about expressing their opinions at Church about evolution and not taking Bible stories (like Jonah) literally (based on the feedback I have received from some teachers).

That's funny. Are their teachers good natured? I like the idea of bringing reality into some of the teachings like Jonah. It's probably difficult to do without making it sound like the teachers are wrong.

[Archaea]

Originally Posted by BlueHair

A season sounds reasonable. I feel there needs to be a balance between perserverance and not feeling like I am trying to live my life through them. I am a huge sports fan and I really hope my kids are into sports, but I don't want to force it on them.

Another observation. If you are a sports enthusiast, you will see them in the end come around to it.

We tried to get our girls to run and cycle, they refused. Now when we don't pressure them, both have decided to run half marathons. if it's constantly before them, they'll see the benefits. Finishing the season means they honored their duty to their teammates, and let it ride through to see if they can't persevere. But sometimes what you help them select won't always be ideal for them.

I would suggest the same for church. If they start a cycle, make them finish the cycle before they back out, because others within the community will be depending upon them. Let them back out when others can substitute for them. There are times when all of us wish to quit but we don't. However, when the desire to quit persists, then it's probably time to do something else.

[exUte]

Originally Posted by BlueHair

As most of you know, I am not active. My wife would like to go to church when our babies get older. I have no problem with that and plan to attend with her as time permits. The one stipulation I have with regards to the kids is that the Bishop not give them worthiness interviews until they are eighteen and can legally choose for themselves (or earlier if we feel they are mature enough). The question is this: Is the Bishop legally required to comply with my request?

To current church leaders with access to a handbook: Is it church policy to ask parents for consent to inteview their children? Do they ask if the parents have any objections to any of the questions?

I didn't know you were not active. I'm shocked.

So should the bishop comply with you or your wife's wishes? What if she wants them interviewed. If not, just frees up more time for the bishop. Win-win.

[exUte]

Originally Posted by BlueHair

I see your points. I agree with most of them. My kids can be as active as they want. If they want to be baptized and are mature enough to explain to me what baptism is and why they think is important, I will let them do it. By the same token, if my son says to me on Sunday morning, "The Steelers are on at 11:00 and I would rather watch the game than go to church". I will let him stay home. Their activity level will be determined by them. I won't hold them back, nor will I push them.

So you'll let them do anything they want until they are 18 and mature enough to make decisions? Interesting parenting style. I've seen it work occassionally.

[exUte]

Originally Posted by RockyBalboa

I don't know you at all, but my concern is the wedge the differences philosophically and religiulously you and your wife have will later on drive a wedge between you two...and cause major heartache and contention down the road and it having an effect on your children.

Religion is one of those things in a relationship where for awhile the differences might be okay and they'll tolerate each other, but after awhile....the things that bug you and bug her deep inside that will fester over time might not be worth the pain later on.

I hope that doesn't happen and wish you the best.

Holy cow. I agree.

[exUte]

Originally Posted by BlueHair

My wife isn't too religious. She mostly wants to take them to primary because she thinks it's cute and she wants them to have interaction with kids their age. Her parents weren't active, but she went to church with her grandparents about half the time. I think she likes the social aspects of church more than the doctrine. You can never be sure, but I don't anticipate it being too much of a problem.

Thank goodness there won't be any disagreement there. Sounds like you and your wife are on the same page. Good luck.