Having Children in Crappy Marriages - cougarguard.com — unofficial BYU Cougars / LDS sports, football, basketball forum and message board

RockyBalboa · 12-04-2007, 07:52 PM

I can't remember if I've brought up or if this topic has been discussed before on here. If it has I apologize.

Being single for the last 5 years since my divorce, as many of you know I've dated several Single mothers. My girlfriend now is a mother of 2 children.

Over time in just talking with them and several other gals, most of them really despise their ex-husbands and claim the majority of their marriages were terrible.

And yet.....they continued to have children even when things were very bad or getting worse. I've been hesistant to ask them this as I don't want to offend them, but it's something that baffles me.

Someone help me understand the thought process of..."Well everything sucks, I hate my marriage,,I hate my husband....but yeah I want to have another kid with him"...type of thinking.

My girlfriend tried explaining it as..."Having another child creates a further buffer between you and your husband, and that's why most women do it."

I do not understand it.

MikeWaters · 12-04-2007, 08:05 PM

I hate to threadjack, but I have to know. Is your girlfriend the one where when you first kissed her, you were surprised to feel a hairly upper lip?

K-dog · 12-04-2007, 08:07 PM

I would never dare to profess confidence in swimming the murky waters that are a female's thoughts but often I think couples in bad relationships have kids during the "good times" in a belief that those times are the start of an ongoing upward trend. I don't know where this concept of "kids as buffer" would fit into my theory other than the belief that it could be revisionist history.

MikeWaters · 12-04-2007, 08:08 PM

Hopefully none of the women on this site weigh in.

TripletDaddy · 12-04-2007, 08:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MikeWaters

Hopefully none of the women on this site weigh in.

I have a feeling one or two may share their "thoughts," although it is the middle of the night in the Middle east right now...

Jeff Lebowski · 12-04-2007, 08:14 PM

That's an excellent question, Rocky. I have seen it happen and it is baffling.

TripletDaddy · 12-04-2007, 08:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RockyBalboa

I can't remember if I've brought up or if this topic has been discussed before on here. If it has I apologize.

Being single for the last 5 years since my divorce, as many of you know I've dated several Single mothers. My girlfriend now is a mother of 2 children.

Over time in just talking with them and several other gals, most of them really despise their ex-husbands and claim the majority of their marriages were terrible.

And yet.....they continued to have children even when things were very bad or getting worse. I've been hesistant to ask them this as I don't want to offend them, but it's something that baffles me.

Someone help me understand the thought process of..."Well everything sucks, I hate my marriage,,I hate my husband....but yeah I want to have another kid with him"...type of thinking.

My girlfriend tried explaining it as..."Having another child creates a further buffer between you and your husband, and that's why most women do it."

I do not understand it.

I have heard it explained not in terms of a buffer, but that a woman can feel both loved and needed through little children, thereby fulfilling a basic need that she was previously lacking in her marriage. Makes sense in a way.

K-dog · 12-04-2007, 08:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TripletDaddy

I have heard it explained not in terms of a buffer, but that a woman can feel both loved and needed through little children, thereby fulfilling a basic need that she was previously lacking in her marriage. Makes sense in a way.

Children as a surrogate husband? I can see that.

RockyBalboa · 12-04-2007, 08:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MikeWaters

I hate to threadjack, but I have to know. Is your girlfriend the one where when you first kissed her, you were surprised to feel a hairly upper lip?

LOL...you saw my thread I started on Cougarboard yesterday?

No, it wasn't her.

ute4ever · 12-04-2007, 09:28 PM

My marriage lasted only seven months, and we became pregnant three months into it. There were already problems at that point, but I felt like, not having children would be as though we were planning to fail. As though avoiding the creation of a family would be a lack of faith in that marriage is a pyramid between the spouses and the savior, and all of those other cute things that they lecture on during your temple sealing.

12-04-2007, 07:52 PM	#1
RockyBalboa Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Salt Lake City Posts: 7,297	Having Children in Crappy Marriages I can't remember if I've brought up or if this topic has been discussed before on here. If it has I apologize. Being single for the last 5 years since my divorce, as many of you know I've dated several Single mothers. My girlfriend now is a mother of 2 children. Over time in just talking with them and several other gals, most of them really despise their ex-husbands and claim the majority of their marriages were terrible. And yet.....they continued to have children even when things were very bad or getting worse. I've been hesistant to ask them this as I don't want to offend them, but it's something that baffles me. Someone help me understand the thought process of..."Well everything sucks, I hate my marriage,,I hate my husband....but yeah I want to have another kid with him"...type of thinking. My girlfriend tried explaining it as..."Having another child creates a further buffer between you and your husband, and that's why most women do it." I do not understand it. __________________ Masquerading as Cougarguards very own genius dumbass since 05'.

12-04-2007, 08:07 PM	#3
K-dog Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Salt Lake City Posts: 699	I would never dare to profess confidence in swimming the murky waters that are a female's thoughts but often I think couples in bad relationships have kids during the "good times" in a belief that those times are the start of an ongoing upward trend. I don't know where this concept of "kids as buffer" would fit into my theory other than the belief that it could be revisionist history. __________________ He's down by the creek, walkin' on water. K-dog P.S. Grrrrrrrrr

12-04-2007, 08:14 PM	#6
Jeff Lebowski Charon Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: In the heart of darkness (Provo) Posts: 9,564	That's an excellent question, Rocky. I have seen it happen and it is baffling. __________________ "... the arc of the universe is long but it bends toward justice." Martin Luther King, Jr.

12-04-2007, 09:28 PM	#10
ute4ever I must not tell lies Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 5,103	My marriage lasted only seven months, and we became pregnant three months into it. There were already problems at that point, but I felt like, not having children would be as though we were planning to fail. As though avoiding the creation of a family would be a lack of faith in that marriage is a pyramid between the spouses and the savior, and all of those other cute things that they lecture on during your temple sealing. Last edited by ute4ever; 12-04-2007 at 09:30 PM.

12-04-2007, 08:05 PM	#2
MikeWaters Demiurge Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 36,365	I hate to threadjack, but I have to know. Is your girlfriend the one where when you first kissed her, you were surprised to feel a hairly upper lip?

12-04-2007, 08:08 PM	#4
MikeWaters Demiurge Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 36,365	Hopefully none of the women on this site weigh in.