Jack Bauer versus Walker Texas Ranger (aka. Chuck Norris)

[Zulu451]

Who would win?

Jack Bauer:

- Simply the baddest mother on Prime Time television right now.
- He can coerce you to give it all up with merely thinking your name.

Walker:
- Martial artist, cop, tough guy ... Chuck Norris at same age as Kieffer Sutherland.

[MikeWaters]

Bauer < Chuck

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

[MikeWaters]

another good one:

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

[MikeWaters]

Here is what Chuck Norris thinks about the cult of Chuck Norris on the internet:

[Jeff Lebowski]

Originally Posted by MikeWaters

Here is what Chuck Norris thinks about the cult of Chuck Norris on the internet:

Chuck Norris is writing novels now? Now, that's awesome.

[fuegote]

In the middle of season four of 24. amazing amazing show.

[Zulu451]

Originally Posted by fuegote

In the middle of season four of 24. amazing amazing show.

What I find really funny is that most liberals think that the torture of known terrorists to extract information is so reprehensible and turns their stomachs.

YET! When Jack Bauer is doing it...."Knee cap'em again Jack, they will squeal like pigs this time!!" They think it is really cool!