Question regarding church discipline

[BlueHair]

Originally Posted by MikeWaters

"Do you follow the Law of Chastity?"

I don't see what the big deal is.

That question leads to more detailed questions. Perhaps he asks the question before we've had "the talk". Maybe if he says he doesn't follow the Law of Chastity, the bishop will want to know what he's done. That will be followed up with making the kid feel guilty and or/embarrassed. I'm simply not comfortable with that. Chastity questions are inappropriate in my book. In fact, they are creepy. I fully expect them to go away some day much like the oral sex questions that they used to ask married couples. If masturbation honestly makes a kid unworthy, there isn't a worthy kid blessing or passing the sacrament.

[MikeWaters]

Who used to act the oral sex questions? I know they didn't ask you because you probably haven't been interviewed more than 3 times since you've been married.

Hyperbole.

Chastity questions are inappropriate to YOU because you don't believe in chastity.

[BlueHair]

Originally Posted by MikeWaters

Who used to act the oral sex questions? I know they didn't ask you because you probably haven't been interviewed more than 3 times since you've been married.

Hyperbole.

Chastity questions are inappropriate to YOU because you don't believe in chastity.

Are you being serious? You've never heard of couples being asked about oral sex? This used to be a very common thing until the First Presidency put an end to it. No, they didn't ask me, I am too young. The practice was ended before I got married.

I believe in chastity. Maybe our definition is different. I believe in fidelity in marriage. I consider adultery to be very harmful, both socially and mentally. I don't believe it's the bishop's business whether a 14 year old boy masturbates or not. Why even ask the question? What it all boils down to is I want the bishop to stay out of my family's sexual life. If my kid has any REAL problems, I will hire someone qualified to counsel them.

[Archaea]

Originally Posted by BlueHair

Are you being serious? You've never heard of couples being asked about oral sex? This used to be a very common thing until the First Presidency put an end to it. No, they didn't ask me, I am too young. The practice was ended before I got married.

I believe in chastity. Maybe our definition is different. I believe in fidelity in marriage. I consider adultery to be very harmful, both socially and mentally. I don't believe it's the bishop's business whether a 14 year old boy masturbates or not. Why even ask the question? What it all boils down to is I want the bishop to stay out of my family's sexual life. If my kid has any REAL problems, I will hire someone qualified to counsel them.

The question is, may the bishop in your opinion ask this simple question, do you follow the law of chastity?

[BlueHair]

Originally Posted by Archaea

The question is, may the bishop in your opinion ask this simple question, do you follow the law of chastity?

I don't think that question alone would cause any harm. The problems I have will come with the obvious follow up questions (unless the kid lies and says "yes" ) .

[YOhio]

Originally Posted by Archaea

The question is, may the bishop in your opinion ask this simple question, do you follow the law of chastity?

That is the only question regarding sex I've ever been asked by a bishop or mission president in my life. I'm only 29, so who knows what my happen in the future. I am seriously shocked that some of the questions you guys seem to have received. I guess my bishops were pretty laid back. Hopefully the Church Handbook doesn't allow for enhanced interrogation when the bishop isn't satisfied with somebody's answers.

I do have a funny story about a friend. He was in Lake Powell one Memorial Day when he was a Senior in HS. They crashed a houseboat party where there were a bunch of girls dancing topless. My friend, who had never kissed a girl up to that point, reached up to the area the girls were dancing on and 'tuned in to Tokyo.' The girls played along and he was invited to dance. When he told his bishop about it, the bishop laughed and said he couldn't blame him.

[BlueHair]

Originally Posted by YOhio

That is the only question regarding sex I've ever been asked by a bishop or mission president in my life. I'm only 29, so who knows what my happen in the future. I am seriously shocked that some of the questions you guys seem to have received. I guess my bishops were pretty laid back. Hopefully the Church Handbook doesn't allow for enhanced interrogation when the bishop isn't satisfied with somebody's answers.

I do have a funny story about a friend. He was in Lake Powell one Memorial Day when he was a Senior in HS. They crashed a houseboat party where there were a bunch of girls dancing topless. My friend, who had never kissed a girl up to that point, reached up to the area the girls were dancing on and 'tuned in to Tokyo.' The girls played along and he was invited to dance. When he told his bishop about it, the bishop laughed and said he couldn't blame him.

That's a good bishop!

[SoonerCoug]

Originally Posted by YOhio

That is the only question regarding sex I've ever been asked by a bishop or mission president in my life. I'm only 29, so who knows what my happen in the future. I am seriously shocked that some of the questions you guys seem to have received. I guess my bishops were pretty laid back. Hopefully the Church Handbook doesn't allow for enhanced interrogation when the bishop isn't satisfied with somebody's answers.

There has been a general trend toward focusing on a simple question: "Do you live the law of chastity?"

When I was still a prepubescent boy--long before I had ever been on a date or even had any secondary sex characteristics--my bishop would ask me such questions as:

Do you masturbate?
Do you dry hump with girls?
Do you dry hump with objects?
And other questions so extreme that I feel hesitant to even put them on this board. (I actually wrote these questions down in my journal because I was so upset about it. I didn't even know what those expressions meant. Heck, I didn't even kiss a girl till I was 19.) I kept telling the bishop that I had never even kissed a girl, yet he would continue the questioning.

My wife had very similar experiences, including detailed questioning about masturbation that was clearly inappropriate. She never even kissed a guy till she was 20 years old, yet almost every single bishop's interview left her in tears.

My own mother was often questioned specifically about masturbation, despite the fact that she was married.

Despite the fact that many people have had positive experiences without experiencing inappropriate questioning, this kind of behavior has been common enough that it's a major issue for many members of the Church.

And that's why I think that members of the Church should be educated about what is appropriate and inappropriate questioning by lay clergy.

In addition, I think that sexual questioning should be minimized with adolescents, especially with regard to extracting gory details. Why can't parents help adolescents through these issues instead?

[JohnnyLingo]

Originally Posted by SoonerCoug

There has been a general trend toward focusing on a simple question: "Do you live the law of chastity?"

When I was still a prepubescent boy--long before I had ever been on a date or even had any secondary sex characteristics--my bishop would ask me such questions as:

Do you masturbate?
Do you dry hump with girls?
Do you dry hump with objects?
And other questions so extreme that I feel hesitant to even put them on this board. (I actually wrote these questions down in my journal because I was so upset about it. I didn't even know what those expressions meant. Heck, I didn't even kiss a girl till I was 19.) I kept telling the bishop that I had never even kissed a girl, yet he would continue the questioning.

My wife had very similar experiences, including detailed questioning about masturbation that was clearly inappropriate. She never even kissed a guy till she was 20 years old, yet almost every single bishop's interview left her in tears.

My own mother was often questioned specifically about masturbation, despite the fact that she was married.

Posts like this tend to solidify my belief that a lot of you live in or have lived in weird weird weird wards.

I think if I'd grown up with some of the experiences you've all had with church members and leadership I'd have a different view of the church.

[SoonerCoug]

Originally Posted by JohnnyLingo

Posts like this tend to solidify my belief that a lot of you live in or have lived in weird weird weird wards.

I think if I'd grown up with some of the experiences you've all had with church members and leadership I'd have a different view of the church.

Inappropriate questioning is the exception, of course. The problem is that you're putting an adult male with adolescents in a private setting to ask questions about sex. With the wrong bishop, this is a recipe for disaster.