Help for Sex-Starved Wives

[creekster]

Originally Posted by Jeff Lebowski

Are you also going to argue that this higher reference rate in the media is having a dramatic effect on sex drives in women? That's the part that I have a tough time believing.

Not on the nature or existence of their drives, but I would not so quickly dismiss the idea that it does have an effect on how they choose to allow those drives ot be manifested.

[RC Vikings]

Originally Posted by creekster

I don't agree with this. Both the quanitity and the content of sexual discussions and refernces has changed enormously since the 60s and 70s. Just think about the Monica Lewinsky debacle, items that were discussed in detail during evening news braodcasts of this epsiode were not even mentioned in mainstream media in the 60s and 70s. The sexual revolution took place largely between individuals and was only played out very loosely and non-specifically in the media at the time. The 70s were not the 50s, it is true, but they were also not the 90s.

My first R rated movie was M.A.S.H. It had Sally Kellerman taking a shower in a tent and the tent gets lifted up. You really couldn't see much and believe me I tried. Today you can see more on MTV Spring Break or so I've heard.

[Jeff Lebowski]

Originally Posted by marsupial

I alluded to this in my previous post. I think the media has affected women's expectations for sex. I wouldn't be surprised if a significant number of women from my mother's generation never or rarely achieved orgasm. Many probably never expected anything more than they got. This is probably not true for my generation of women. So if women are enjoying sex more then they want more sex.

I am not from your mother's generation, so I can't comment on that. I think there was a huge shift in the sixties and gradual change since then.

Perhaps I just hang out with the wrong people. I don't know very many prudes.

[ute4ever]

Originally Posted by surfah33

I'd agree. Ute4ever makes a case, but as part of your generation I still believe that the church's influence swings a heavy hammer. While I know couples that share a vigorous sexual appetite, I know many others with hang ups about sex, and one girl who felt so guilty about consummating her marriage that afterwards she locked herself in the bathroom and cried all night. I don't agree that our generation wants sex more.

I know what you mean here; I too have seen timid couples like this within the LDS faith. However, the article about the sex-starved wives did not concern the small LDS community, but rather our mainstream society as a whole, and I plucked my observations from that much larger demographic.

[Surfah]

Originally Posted by ute4ever

I know what you mean here; I too have seen timid couples like this within the LDS faith. However, the article about the sex-starved wives did not concern the small LDS community, but rather our mainstream society as a whole, and I plucked my observations from that much larger demographic.

Point taken.

[Spaz]

Originally Posted by surfah33

I'd agree. Ute4ever makes a case, but as part of your generation I still believe that the church's influence swings a heavy hammer. While I know couples that share a vigorous sexual appetite, I know many others with hang ups about sex, and one girl who felt so guilty about consummating her marriage that afterwards she locked herself in the bathroom and cried all night. I don't agree that our generation wants sex more.

Are you sure she was guilty and not upset about the quality of the experience?


It's truly unfortunate that there are LDS (or any) women who have been so mis-taught the concept of chastity that they are feeling guilty about consummating their marriage to their eternal companion.

I really feel it's important to teach your children, at the appropriate age, a correct understanding of intimacy & it's place in your life. To place that responsibility on anyone else - especially the church - is irresponsible at best and negligent at worst.

[Surfah]

Originally Posted by Spaz

Are you sure she was guilty and not upset about the quality of the experience?


It's truly unfortunate that there are LDS (or any) women who have been so mis-taught the concept of chastity that they are feeling guilty about consummating their marriage to their eternal companion.

I really feel it's important to teach your children, at the appropriate age, a correct understanding of intimacy & it's place in your life. To place that responsibility on anyone else - especially the church - is irresponsible at best and negligent at worst.

This girl was a roommate of an ex-girlfriend of mine at BYU. I never heard this first hand but from my ex and the other roommates who shared all this with me. I don't know what ever became of the couple. But I do know that they had sex once a week at a designated time. This was the wife's compromise for her husband as each experience was traumatic for her. Now I won't suppose to know the ins and outs of their relationship or any past experiences that may have caused her to react this way, but from what she inferred it was because she couldn't compartmentalize something that she had been taught all her life was wrong and guarded herself against was right.

Now if I didn't know this couple personally I would have chalked this up as mormon myth.

[RedHeadGal]

Originally Posted by Spaz

Are you sure she was guilty and not upset about the quality of the experience?


It's truly unfortunate that there are LDS (or any) women who have been so mis-taught the concept of chastity that they are feeling guilty about consummating their marriage to their eternal companion.

I really feel it's important to teach your children, at the appropriate age, a correct understanding of intimacy & it's place in your life. To place that responsibility on anyone else - especially the church - is irresponsible at best and negligent at worst.

I knew several women at BYU who felt that using tampons would violate their chastity, and I can think of at least one who was so uptight about that whole area (literally) that she couldn't have a gyn exam. (as in the dr coudln't do the exam)

And I agree that the quality of the experience woud impact future desire to participate. I'm just sayin'.

[Archaea]

Originally Posted by RedHeadGal

I knew several women at BYU who felt that using tampons would violate their chastity, and I can think of at least one who was so uptight about that whole area (literally) that she couldn't have a gyn exam. (as in the dr coudln't do the exam)

And I agree that the quality of the experience woud impact future desire to participate. I'm just sayin'.

Mormon culture is messed up and damn it all for being that way.

I'd rather see gals having too much sex, having to cut back rather than being so screwed up they won't put a tampon in, or won't walk around the house naked.

[Spaz]

Originally Posted by RedHeadGal

I knew several women at BYU who felt that using tampons would violate their chastity, and I can think of at least one who was so uptight about that whole area (literally) that she couldn't have a gyn exam. (as in the dr coudln't do the exam)

And I agree that the quality of the experience woud impact future desire to participate. I'm just sayin'.

There is, IMO, a large difference between being 'uptight' about things pre-marriage, and retaining those issues post-marriage. Any man who's not patient enough to help his wife work through such issues is an ass-hole.

The idea that a tampon would violate one's chastity simply proves that many parents truly need to do a better job of educating their children on sexuality.