in courting we are advised to truly....

[Archaea]

if you have a great relationship, "compatibility" works itself out.

If you're not in good relationship, then it will worsen. The "compatibility" issue can be seen from two angles, "physical" and "emotional".

Peoples of disproportionate proportions in relation to one another might not be good fits. Figure it out when you're dating. A 400 pound man and a 90 woman probably aren't a good fit and you don't have to have sex to figure it out. Common sense.

Emotional. Figure out your true abilities at communicating, and any "sexual differences or difficulties" can be accommodated.

In reality, it's more about the guy listening early on so her experience is positive. Reversing negative experiences for the woman are almost impossible.

Four words, which if followed could avoid a lot of trouble, "let her go first." Study female anatomy. She should too. Too many gals are too ignorant how they function. Relax and don't worry about it. There are other more difficult trials than this.

That won't mean, you won't run into the fifty percent of women who afte a while just can't be bothered, but if you give your all, what else can you control. Don't set your expectations too high for her and control things within your control.

[Alkili]

Marriage isn't about what your going to get for yourself, if you go into from that perspective your going to have a really hard time having a succesful marriage and if it is "succesful" it will probably be because you have walked all over your spouse and killed her self-respect.

You need to be selfless in marriage, and your spouse needs to be the same way, otherwise you will learn resent your spouse because he/she isn't living up to your expectations.

President Hinkley's father wrote to him while he was on his mission "forget yourself and get to work". In a marriage it isn't any different, you need to forget yourself and get to work towards creating a good marriage.

Some people say that marriage is supposed to be 50/50 but that only adds up to 100%, in a marriage their are two people and both need to be giving 100%.

[pedrotea]

I think I understand what you are getting at, and yes your b and c scenarios will happen to an extent. However, I think that if you have those frank conversations about sex prior to marriage then you can pretty well be prepared for what will come. yes she may say that she is cool with some aspect of sex before partaking and then change her mind after the fact, but that is where flexibility comes in, you may find that your desires will change too.

I guess in short if both of you are open and honest pre-marriage about sex you will find that things will work out. Tem fé

[pedrotea]

Originally Posted by Alkili

Marriage isn't about what your going to get for yourself, if you go into from that perspective your going to have a really hard time having a succesful marriage and if it is "succesful" it will probably be because you have walked all over your spouse and killed her self-respect.

You need to be selfless in marriage, and your spouse needs to be the same way, otherwise you will learn resent your spouse because he/she isn't living up to your expectations.

President Hinkley's father wrote to him while he was on his mission "forget yourself and get to work". In a marriage it isn't any different, you need to forget yourself and get to work towards creating a good marriage.

Some people say that marriage is supposed to be 50/50 but that only adds up to 100%, in a marriage their are two people and both need to be giving 100%.

This sums up my opinion on how to have a succesful relationship. My wife and I used to be the young single adult advisors, and when they would ask us what makes our marraige work so well we would both say "selflessness". If you are both giving of yourselfs completely to each other, life is much much happier

[cougjunkie]

Sex is for Procreation not recreation, I can tell you that you can still have a good marriage. Ok I am lying my wife is a nympho, now I am lying again.

To be honest with you Fus, I was not married in the temple due to test driving the car before I bought it so to speak. However I dont think it would have made a difference, your wife may try oral one time and not like it and never do it again, guess what its not the end of the world, however she may want to do it for the rest of your life and on every road trip you take. There are a lot of other things out there besides sex that make your relationship great. My wife sat and watched the whole NC game last night, that was one of the coolest things she could have ever done.

And then after we went upstairs. :wink:

But having that talk before you decide to get married is very very important. Oh and keep your self well groomed if you know what I mean you will get more action.

[Rickomatic]

One question I have is the fact you have thrown out a couple of times about sex being the second leading cause of divorce. Look at this for a second, a very general statement, was this from inside or outside the church? Was the sex with a person outside the marriage? Was the sex no good because the couple could not talk to each other and explain what they wanted? Were they each being selfish and only cared about what they got for them self? Was the there an animal involved?

Be a friend and communicate, things will work out if you have set your priorities properly.

[RockyBalboa]

You're doing the right things in talking to her and be open with your communication about it. ALthough keep in mind a quote I once heard..."Getting married for sex, is like taking an airplane ride for peanuts."

With sex being the #2 reason why couples get divorced, it's usually because they rarely communicate about the issue.

Also when they say it's because of sex that couples get divorced, exactly what kind of sex it is they are getting divorced over should be qualified, but rarely is.

For example: I know a lot of couples who've stopped having sex because the male is drunken with pornography.

Or one of them is cheating on the other and getting sex elsewhere.

Or I know one guy who would take....ahem...care of himself when his wife wasn't home.

So ultimately it's about having healthy sexual communication in my opinion and if you have that, then you're likely to have a great sex life even if you haven't been with your mate before you get married.

Just my two cents.

[ute4ever]

Originally Posted by fusnik11

how can i tell how often my future wife is willing if i cant even touch her hoo hahs?

It's okay, you can say jugs here.

[non sequitur]

A lot of people are downplaying the importance of sex in marriage, saying that in the grand scheme of things sex is just a small piece of the puzzle. That might be true, but to me bad sex is like a chronic toothache. It's not going to kill you and you can still function, but eventually it's going to drive you crazy.

My wife says that her father used to tell her that it's just as easy to marry a rich man as a poor man. I would modify that advice to say that it's just as easy to marry a freak in the bedroom as it is to marry a prude.

[fuegote]

#1. It's never bad for a man. It isn't. I don't think there's anything that exists in a man's vocab that equals bad sex.

#2. establish guidlines. My wife and I chatted about it before we got married (and her mother told my wife that a man has his needs and to be "selfless.") My wife understands and thinks it's fabulous (most of the time) to do the deed.

<most of the time = my wife not wanting to but being a great woman and not saying anything until the next day> she's truely a saint.

Sex is very important, it ranks as 1b in my book. 1a is the friendship she and i share.

what i will say is what turns your girlie friend on now....will not turn her on when kids are in the picture. Remember that post about 4 months ago where you stated that Joe Jackson, Jack Johnson or whatever his name is...is good dancing, getting your wife in the mood music? remember my response...

the biggest turn on for my wife: she seeing the house clean knowing she didn't have to clean it, or me cleaning the bathrooms. tis funny.

does she have to give "me" mouth to mouth no, but then again, no matter what she does, it always feels good.

Gosh i love being a guy with a wife who understands that it's okay to have fun in the sak. married 4.5 years, two kids (so people don't think we're newlyweds). I dare say that bottle of pennies that you fill the first year, has been emptied for a couple of years now.