Mother's Day edition of The Onion

[YOhio]

http://www.theonion.com/content/mothers_day

Some of the headlines:

Woman In Coffee Shop Judges A Record 147 People
Area Woman Not Yelling At You, She's Just Saying
Mommy Not Moving
Express-Lane Cashier Confirms Her Nails Are Real
Mother, Daughter Exchange Encoded Menstruation-Related Message Over Dinner
Woman Who Claims Book Changed Her Life Has Not Changed
Nanny Appears In Child's Drawings More Than Mother

The woman's timeline is also pretty funny:
1450 – Johannes Gutenberg invents printing press, prints first unachievable female body type.
1431 – Joan of Arc, national heroine of France, revolutionizes the short hairstyle for women.
1920 – American women win right to be disenchanted with political process.
1953 – Female exhibitionists win long struggle to get Hugh Hefner to start Playboy.

Also check out the Household Tips for Women:
The only way for a woman to know herself as a person is through creative work of her own. Cut grilled cheese sandwichces diagonally and let your spirit soar!
Power that pan clean with Girl Power! The same goes for counters, collars, rugs, curtains, tile, grout, duvet covers, venetian blinds, and problem areas.
Do you often find yourself wishing there were more hours in the day? Juggling a career, a home, and a relationship can be hard, but you can't let any one of those things go, or you will be a failure as a woman. Taking a regular dose of methamphetamine will give you the energy to successfully manage all three and spare you the inconvenience of sleep.