French Tickler - cougarguard.com — unofficial BYU Cougars / LDS sports, football, basketball forum and message board

8ballrollin · 08-06-2007, 03:53 AM

All of the threads on abortion and sex and who believes what reminded me of the Ol' French Tickler.

"[Mr Blackitt making fun of the Catholics across the street and lecturing his wife about Protestantism.]

Mr Blackitt: Look at them, bloody Catholics, filling the bloody world up with bloody people they can't afford to bloody feed.

Mrs Blackitt: What are we dear?

Mr Blackitt: Protestant, and fiercely proud of it.

Mrs Blackitt: Hmm. Well, why do they have so many children?

Mr Blackitt: Beacuse... every time they have sexual intercourse, they have
to have a baby!

Mrs Blackitt: But it's the same with us, Harry.

Mr Blackitt: What do you mean?

Mrs Blackitt: Well, we've got two children, and we've had sexual intercourse twice.

Mr Blackitt: That's not the point. We could have it any time we wanted!

Mrs Blackitt: Really?

Mr Blackitt: Oh yes, and what's more, because we don't believe in that Papist claptrap, we can take precautions.

Mrs Blackitt: What do you mean... lock the door?

Mr Blackitt: No, no. I mean, because we're members of the Protestant Reformed Church, which successfully challenged the autrocratic power of the Papacy in the mid-sixteenth century, we can wear little rubber devices to prevent issue.

Mrs Blackitt: What d'you mean?

Mr Blackitt: I could, if I wanted, have sexual intercourse with you,...

Mrs Blackitt: Oh, yes, Harry.

Mr Blackitt: ...and, by wearing a rubber sheath over my old feller, I could insure... that, when I came off, you would not be impregnated.

Mrs Blackitt: Ooh!

Mr Blackitt: That's what being a Protestant's all about! That's why it's the church for me! That's why it's the church for anyone who respects the individual, and the individual's right to decide for him- or herself. When Martin Luther nailed his protest up to the church door in 1517, he may not have realised the full significance of what he was doing, but… 400 years later, thanks to him, my dear, I can wear whatever I want on my John Thomas.
[He sniffs.]

Mr Blackitt: And, Protestantism doesn't stop at the simple condom! Oh, no! I can wear French Ticklers if I want.

Mrs Blackitt: You what?

Mr Blackitt: French Ticklers! Black Mambos! Crocodile Ribs! Sheaths that are designed not only to protect, but also to enhance the stimulation of sexual congress.

Mrs Blackitt: Have you got one?

Mr Blackitt: Have I got one? Uh, well, no, but I can go down the road any time I want, and walk into Harry's and hold my head up high and say in a loud, steady voice, "Harry, I want you to sell me a condom. In fact, today, I think I'll have a French Tickler, for I am a Protestant."

08-06-2007, 03:53 AM	#1
8ballrollin Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: WA Posts: 1,287	French Tickler All of the threads on abortion and sex and who believes what reminded me of the Ol' French Tickler. "[Mr Blackitt making fun of the Catholics across the street and lecturing his wife about Protestantism.] Mr Blackitt: Look at them, bloody Catholics, filling the bloody world up with bloody people they can't afford to bloody feed. Mrs Blackitt: What are we dear? Mr Blackitt: Protestant, and fiercely proud of it. Mrs Blackitt: Hmm. Well, why do they have so many children? Mr Blackitt: Beacuse... every time they have sexual intercourse, they have to have a baby! Mrs Blackitt: But it's the same with us, Harry. Mr Blackitt: What do you mean? Mrs Blackitt: Well, we've got two children, and we've had sexual intercourse twice. Mr Blackitt: That's not the point. We could have it any time we wanted! Mrs Blackitt: Really? Mr Blackitt: Oh yes, and what's more, because we don't believe in that Papist claptrap, we can take precautions. Mrs Blackitt: What do you mean... lock the door? Mr Blackitt: No, no. I mean, because we're members of the Protestant Reformed Church, which successfully challenged the autrocratic power of the Papacy in the mid-sixteenth century, we can wear little rubber devices to prevent issue. Mrs Blackitt: What d'you mean? Mr Blackitt: I could, if I wanted, have sexual intercourse with you,... Mrs Blackitt: Oh, yes, Harry. Mr Blackitt: ...and, by wearing a rubber sheath over my old feller, I could insure... that, when I came off, you would not be impregnated. Mrs Blackitt: Ooh! Mr Blackitt: That's what being a Protestant's all about! That's why it's the church for me! That's why it's the church for anyone who respects the individual, and the individual's right to decide for him- or herself. When Martin Luther nailed his protest up to the church door in 1517, he may not have realised the full significance of what he was doing, but… 400 years later, thanks to him, my dear, I can wear whatever I want on my John Thomas. [He sniffs.] Mr Blackitt: And, Protestantism doesn't stop at the simple condom! Oh, no! I can wear French Ticklers if I want. Mrs Blackitt: You what? Mr Blackitt: French Ticklers! Black Mambos! Crocodile Ribs! Sheaths that are designed not only to protect, but also to enhance the stimulation of sexual congress. Mrs Blackitt: Have you got one? Mr Blackitt: Have I got one? Uh, well, no, but I can go down the road any time I want, and walk into Harry's and hold my head up high and say in a loud, steady voice, "Harry, I want you to sell me a condom. In fact, today, I think I'll have a French Tickler, for I am a Protestant."