Can you believe this shizzle?

[Archaea]

http://ldsmag.com/church/article/8500?ac=1

A FiL engaging in that assumption and asking questions as if he is his bishop or stake president?

Screw that man.

[Zulu451]

Just curious, how many daughters do you have and how old are they?

Yeah, to some degree it may be overboard. But that said as a father you have been responsible for the teaching and upbrining of your daughters to this point and you are turning them over to another guy who will be one responsible for leading her family and bringing them back to God.

Sure, it isn't your buisness if the guy struggled with porn in the past. IMO, it is perfectly reasonable to ask them if they are a temple recommend holder. If not, are they working on becoming one? What are their spiritual goals? That is my buisness. I don't need specifics on past sin.

I don't care what color they are, I would prefer if they served a mission but not an absolute. I just want someone for my daughters that will lead and guide their family and get her and my grandkids back to God.

While I disagree with delving into past sins, the concept of having a PPI with the suitor is completely reasonable.

[MikeWaters]

what do you do when you ask permission for the daughter's hand in marriage, and the PPI-conducting potential father-in-law says no?

[Archaea]

Originally Posted by Zulu451

Just curious, how many daughters do you have and how old are they?

Yeah, to some degree it may be overboard. But that said as a father you have been responsible for the teaching and upbrining of your daughters to this point and you are turning them over to another guy who will be one responsible for leading her family and bringing them back to God.

Sure, it isn't your buisness if the guy struggled with porn in the past. IMO, it is perfectly reasonable to ask them if they are a temple recommend holder. If not, are they working on becoming one? What are their spiritual goals? That is my buisness. I don't need specifics on past sin.

I don't care what color they are, I would prefer if they served a mission but not an absolute. I just want someone for my daughters that will lead and guide their family and get her and my grandkids back to God.

While I disagree with delving into past sins, the concept of having a PPI with the suitor is completely reasonable.

My daughters are 22 and 20, each nearing their birthdays. It is my job to have parented them so that they make good choices, because by this point it's too late. I trust my daughters' judgment, so the introduction is to establish a good relationship for the future, that's the purpose of the meeting. The PPI is not appropriate and the information you just discussed will already be imparted to me by my daughters.

Both daughters date within the culture of the Church, generally want a man who is well-educated, fit and kind. I've met their boyfriends, both past and present, so I have no reason to invade that space. If I suspected anything, I'd suggest my daughters find out, not me.

The barriers and boundaries this idiot suggests a future father-in-law are inappropriate. By the time a daughter is an adult, I don't protect them like I would a laurel. I protect them by educating them and giving them good judgment and sensitivity to the Spirit, but not be acting asinine toward their fiance.

[MikeWaters]

I did talk to my future father-in-law, as a formality. We were already engaged, in terms of of the understanding between myself and my wife. It was over the phone. Still, I was quite anxious and feeling awkward about the whole thing.

If he had said "what are your spiritual goals?" I'm not sure what I would have said. Meaning of life questions would be the last thing I would have prepared for.

Typical questions might be
do you love her
will you treat her right
can you materially care for her and your future family

and maybe something where you explore what his goals are, and ask if they are compatible with your daughter's goals.

how come girls don't have to call their future father-in-laws as well?
"I love my son more than anything in the world, and I want a daughter-in law worthy of him. What is your experience with pornography?" LOL.

[Archaea]

See I disagree with this interview approach whatsoever.

If you wish to develop a relationship, you watch how your children's fiances and fiancees treat your children. You teach children good principles and you talk to them in a casual fashion, determining what the ability of the prospective mate to provide or to support the child, and whether that person communicates, has good family and good job prospects through normal discussion.

My job is not to intimidate them but to make them feel at ease and comfortable as my child has already made a decision so I can either be involved or not. The meeting is a means to become involved and connected.

[ute4ever]

I would ask my potential FIL the exact same questions in reply, and explain that I'm determining whether he's worthy of being around his future grandchildren, and also trying to determine if cheating and adultery could be in my financee's genetics.

And why not also ask to see copies of his IRS records and tithing slips. And for a drug test, since that was apparently the big issue in his day.

[Tex]

Originally Posted by Archaea

See I disagree with this interview approach whatsoever.

If you wish to develop a relationship, you watch how your children's fiances and fiancees treat your children. You teach children good principles and you talk to them in a casual fashion, determining what the ability of the prospective mate to provide or to support the child, and whether that person communicates, has good family and good job prospects through normal discussion.

My job is not to intimidate them but to make them feel at ease and comfortable as my child has already made a decision so I can either be involved or not. The meeting is a means to become involved and connected.

Don't have a heart attack, Arch, but I agree with your approach.

[MikeWaters]

hehe, Zulu is the resident mullah.

[Zulu451]

You can only be considered a resident mullah if you check this site more than once a day and actually have the time to constantly post, reply and debate.