Craziest mission stories. - Page 2 - cougarguard.com — unofficial BYU Cougars / LDS sports, football, basketball forum and message board

scottie · 08-09-2007, 04:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jeff Lebowski

6) We had an investigator (and I use that term loosely) who was a horny middle-aged woman. She would hit me up for sex all the time, typically in front of her husband. He would just grin and shrug his shoulders. We kept trying to ditch her and she would show up at our apt. in suggestive clothing talking dirty and trying to hand me envelopes full of cash. It was about too much for this small-town Utah boy to handle.

But how hot was she?

Jeff Lebowski · 08-09-2007, 04:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scottie

But how hot was she?

She was more horny than hot. Not hot enough to be much of a temptation. Thankfully.

RockyBalboa · 08-09-2007, 04:36 PM

1. Raiderette answering the door while tracting wearing only a towel....that wasn't wrapped around her.

2. Gave a Book of Mormon to the lead singer of REO Speedwagon...Kevin Cronin I believe is his name.

3. Watched all the girls in the Singles Ward I served in flock to Steve Young like he was the next Messiah when he came walking through the chapel doors. I kid you not. Companion and I are sitting there. Shooting the bull, and suddenly we see this onslaught of women move in one direction at the same time. Was pretty funny.

4. Had a knife pulled on me by a man and chased us down the street on his feet while we were pedaling away on our bikes.

5. Tracting, ring a doorbell from a media referal. They wanted the "Family First" video. No one answers. Hear a clinking sound on the window....look down to see the drapes partially separated looking straight down the face of a double barrel shotgun. Couldn't even see a face or the hand that was holding it. My eyes wide, I poke my comp, he looks over...his eyes get wide...we don't say a word, quietly back away and never look back.

6. Played Streetball with gangmembers in Fremont/Hayward all the time. Was a blast. And in one game seeing a full on brawl break out over a foul that was called. You'd think it was regular Ward ball. Companion and I step over to the side during the brawl to avoid the melee...one of the guys who's become good friends of our and whom we're teaching the discussions, in the middle of the brawl comes over and goes..."Just stay here,,,and if anyone touches you....I'll fuck em up....no one messes with my power of god people".

7. Wake up in the middle of the night....see my companion isn't in his bed. See his bike isn't in the garage. it's 3:30 in the morning and I have no idea what's going on or where he is. I hear him coming, he comes walking in with this surprised look on his face, surprised to see me awake. I ask him where he was,,he tripes..."none of your business". Shortly thereafter he's sent home and excommunicated. He'd snuck over to a ladys house in the ward. She was a single mom of 6 kids we'd been trying to re-activate....apparently they had a boinkfest.

8. Some Elders get busted for surfing down in Santa Cruz, one of them claims he would never do it again, as he says he saw a Great White shark and that it scared him straight. Of course he gets sent home 3 weeks later for taking their car, driving up to San Francisco to catch a Giants game. Car battery dies and he has to call a member in the area to drive up and "Save him from getting into trouble"....yeah...doesn't work. We never believed the Great White Shark story, but the taking the car and sneaking up to watch a Giants game story is true, lol.

9. 3 days into the mission field....watch my companion go at it with a Muslim bashing away and they get into a very heated exchange, while at the same time I don't say a word and have no idea what in the hell is going on or what they're talking about. The Muslim and I get along very well, he gives me a leather bound copy of the Quoran as I give him a Book of Mormon and the rest of the elders are jealous because I've got a "Cool souvenir".

10. That same day...we go into downtown San Jose,,,where several blocks everything is Vietnamese...all the shops, restaurants. We're with the Viet speaking Elders. They order me a big bowl of Pho...as we go out a prostitute is sitting on the car saying something in Vietnamese and I suddenly feel like I'm stuck in "Full Metal Jacket"........

Indy Coug · 08-09-2007, 04:44 PM

So what happened with Kevin Cronin? Did you teach him about Moroni 10:3-5 and did he respond by singing "I can't fight this feeling any longer..."?

RockyBalboa · 08-09-2007, 05:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Indy Coug

So what happened with Kevin Cronin? Did you teach him about Moroni 10:3-5 and did he respond by singing "I can't fight this feeling any longer..."?

lol...never saw him again. He called me once on the phone to thank me and that's it.

A guy in our Singles Ward was a Roadie for the band and they used to give him all kinds of crap about being a Mormon. I challenged him to give Cronin a BOM, and he said..."Do it yourselves",,,so we were invited to meet the band before a show, and we got to meet the band and I handed him the Book and thanked him for letting us come backstage. He was very nice to us.

MikeWaters · 08-09-2007, 05:11 PM

one of the cooler things I got to do.....we stopped the motorboat in about 70 feet of water. I put on a diving mask and leaned my head over, underwater. There not far from me at all in plain view was one of the sunken Japanese big ships.

We weren't allowed to do any snorkeling or scuba diving. This is as close as I ever got.

Indy Coug · 08-09-2007, 05:19 PM

I'm still awaiting fusnik's Baron Munchausen mission stories.

Archaea · 08-09-2007, 06:34 PM

My mission was mostly mundane. We didn't Little Rock Arkansas stories, and we observed the rules. Nonetheless, our baptism ratio was extremely low, so the numbers of baptisms does not necessarily correlate with rule adherence, despite many ZLs and APs preaching the contrary.

Some weird things happened, but not usually involving the wrongdoings of elders.

SteelBlue · 08-09-2007, 07:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Indy Coug

Mine are pretty dull

We counted it as a first discussion since no one else would talk to us that day.

Other than that, it was 24 months of uneventful knocking on doors and being perpetually wet and cold.

Ah, the Western European missions. Brings back fine memories. I always thought when we turned in our stats that we should have been required to split them into 2 groups sane/insane. The number of discussions we taught to the sane were something less than 1 per week on average. At least Holland and Belgium are warmer than England.

YOhio · 08-09-2007, 07:23 PM

An investigator in my mission was murdered by the Thai mafia the day before his baptism.

I wrecked my bike face first into a rice paddy.

I ate at over 25 different McDonalds.

I interviewed over 20 women for baptism, almost all of them either had abortions or lesbian experiences. Almost all the men I interviewed denied encouraging or paying for abortions.

I was kicked out of both Jehovah's Witness and evangelical Christian revivals that were being run by Americans.

I became friends with a Saudi who, I'm thoroughly convinced, was a member of an Asian terror cell.

08-09-2007, 04:36 PM	#13
RockyBalboa Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Salt Lake City Posts: 7,297	1. Raiderette answering the door while tracting wearing only a towel....that wasn't wrapped around her. 2. Gave a Book of Mormon to the lead singer of REO Speedwagon...Kevin Cronin I believe is his name. 3. Watched all the girls in the Singles Ward I served in flock to Steve Young like he was the next Messiah when he came walking through the chapel doors. I kid you not. Companion and I are sitting there. Shooting the bull, and suddenly we see this onslaught of women move in one direction at the same time. Was pretty funny. 4. Had a knife pulled on me by a man and chased us down the street on his feet while we were pedaling away on our bikes. 5. Tracting, ring a doorbell from a media referal. They wanted the "Family First" video. No one answers. Hear a clinking sound on the window....look down to see the drapes partially separated looking straight down the face of a double barrel shotgun. Couldn't even see a face or the hand that was holding it. My eyes wide, I poke my comp, he looks over...his eyes get wide...we don't say a word, quietly back away and never look back. 6. Played Streetball with gangmembers in Fremont/Hayward all the time. Was a blast. And in one game seeing a full on brawl break out over a foul that was called. You'd think it was regular Ward ball. Companion and I step over to the side during the brawl to avoid the melee...one of the guys who's become good friends of our and whom we're teaching the discussions, in the middle of the brawl comes over and goes..."Just stay here,,,and if anyone touches you....I'll fuck em up....no one messes with my power of god people". 7. Wake up in the middle of the night....see my companion isn't in his bed. See his bike isn't in the garage. it's 3:30 in the morning and I have no idea what's going on or where he is. I hear him coming, he comes walking in with this surprised look on his face, surprised to see me awake. I ask him where he was,,he tripes..."none of your business". Shortly thereafter he's sent home and excommunicated. He'd snuck over to a ladys house in the ward. She was a single mom of 6 kids we'd been trying to re-activate....apparently they had a boinkfest. 8. Some Elders get busted for surfing down in Santa Cruz, one of them claims he would never do it again, as he says he saw a Great White shark and that it scared him straight. Of course he gets sent home 3 weeks later for taking their car, driving up to San Francisco to catch a Giants game. Car battery dies and he has to call a member in the area to drive up and "Save him from getting into trouble"....yeah...doesn't work. We never believed the Great White Shark story, but the taking the car and sneaking up to watch a Giants game story is true, lol. 9. 3 days into the mission field....watch my companion go at it with a Muslim bashing away and they get into a very heated exchange, while at the same time I don't say a word and have no idea what in the hell is going on or what they're talking about. The Muslim and I get along very well, he gives me a leather bound copy of the Quoran as I give him a Book of Mormon and the rest of the elders are jealous because I've got a "Cool souvenir". 10. That same day...we go into downtown San Jose,,,where several blocks everything is Vietnamese...all the shops, restaurants. We're with the Viet speaking Elders. They order me a big bowl of Pho...as we go out a prostitute is sitting on the car saying something in Vietnamese and I suddenly feel like I'm stuck in "Full Metal Jacket"........ __________________ Masquerading as Cougarguards very own genius dumbass since 05'. Last edited by RockyBalboa; 08-09-2007 at 04:40 PM.

08-09-2007, 06:34 PM	#18
Archaea Assistant to the Regional Manager Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: The Orgasmatron Posts: 24,338	My mission was mostly mundane. We didn't Little Rock Arkansas stories, and we observed the rules. Nonetheless, our baptism ratio was extremely low, so the numbers of baptisms does not necessarily correlate with rule adherence, despite many ZLs and APs preaching the contrary. Some weird things happened, but not usually involving the wrongdoings of elders. __________________ Ἓν οἶδα ὅτι οὐδὲν οἶδα

08-09-2007, 04:44 PM	#14
Indy Coug Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Between Iraq and a hard place Posts: 7,569	So what happened with Kevin Cronin? Did you teach him about Moroni 10:3-5 and did he respond by singing "I can't fight this feeling any longer..."?

08-09-2007, 05:11 PM	#16
MikeWaters Demiurge Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 36,365	one of the cooler things I got to do.....we stopped the motorboat in about 70 feet of water. I put on a diving mask and leaned my head over, underwater. There not far from me at all in plain view was one of the sunken Japanese big ships. We weren't allowed to do any snorkeling or scuba diving. This is as close as I ever got.

08-09-2007, 05:19 PM	#17
Indy Coug Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Between Iraq and a hard place Posts: 7,569	I'm still awaiting fusnik's Baron Munchausen mission stories.

08-09-2007, 07:23 PM	#20
YOhio AKA SeattleNewt Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 7,055	An investigator in my mission was murdered by the Thai mafia the day before his baptism. I wrecked my bike face first into a rice paddy. I ate at over 25 different McDonalds. I interviewed over 20 women for baptism, almost all of them either had abortions or lesbian experiences. Almost all the men I interviewed denied encouraging or paying for abortions. I was kicked out of both Jehovah's Witness and evangelical Christian revivals that were being run by Americans. I became friends with a Saudi who, I'm thoroughly convinced, was a member of an Asian terror cell.