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01-05-2006, 08:24 PM
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#1 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 2,506
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in courting we are advised to truly....
get to know the person we are liking and consider everything in our search for our eternal companion, except for one aspect....
i understand the physical reasons behind the law of chastity, avoiding pregnancy, disease, etc... but what happens if you marry a girl that doesnt fit you sexually? are you just shout out of luck? can you really get a feel for how you two will react sexually before marriage if certain things arent tested? like for example, im dating a girl, she says she is ok with oral sex, i say ok as am i, we get married time for that comes for what i am thinking will be oral sex, she tries it, balks, and says never again. do i just say, ok, well i kinda got screwed on that aspect of the marriage and focus on the other things? is sex not the second major reason behind divorce? how can you get a feel for how your future wife will be in bed, without the feel? |
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01-05-2006, 09:00 PM
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#2 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Moscow, ID
Posts: 1,151
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Fus... Incredible sex will not make a great marriage. However, a great marriage will often lead to incredible sex.
Don't put the cart before the horse. If you date a girl who says she's willing to visit the south pole, that's nice and all but after that 11 minute romp, you still have to talk to her. I had a lot of opinions about sex before I was married. I wasn't exactly your poster child for LDS singles in SLC. There are a lot of things that used to do it for me that really just don't matter anymore. Things are a lot different when you're married, don't assume that what you think you want now is what you'll want later. |
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01-05-2006, 09:04 PM
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#3 |
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Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: West Jordan UT
Posts: 319
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Sex is an important part of a marriage. But it should not the deal maker or breaker. Having a friend by your side is much more important. I have been married for 19 years and yes the sex is still great, but I feel the need to be able to talk after the nap is very important.
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"Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest." Mark Twain |
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01-05-2006, 09:08 PM
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#4 |
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Assistant to the Regional Manager
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: The Orgasmatron
Posts: 24,338
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NO guarantees even if you had sex before marriage.
A couple of cases in point. A secretary known to me lived with her husband to be, and the night before she got married, made a comment to her girlfriends, "Well tonight's the last night I have to give head." Another person, a non-LDS lawyer friend, lived with his girl friend, had, as he said, "Great sex before marriage." I predicted it would change significantly afterwards. He denied it but a year later informed me I was correct. IOW, you will never know. More importantly women's attitudes usually change for the worse over time, not always. So the marriage must be founded upon common goals, because the sex usually won't be there to help the marriage at some point in time. I haven't figured it all out, but have forwhatever reason we're given strong labidos and supposed to control because in the end they can only make us unhappy, not happy. Happiness comes from all other things and sex only supplements the happiness. Usually only at the beginning of the marriage, there are reportedly some exceptions.
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Ἓν οἶδα ὅτι οὐδὲν οἶδα |
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01-05-2006, 09:16 PM
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#5 | |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 2,506
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Quote:
:wink: i have 4 fears in my life... a. i wont be a millionaire... b. my wife will cease to love me... c. my kids will resent my occupation... d. i will only have sex like 300 times over my lifetime... i know i am willing to have a go round every day, how can i tell how often my future wife is willing if i cant even touch her hoo hahs? |
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01-05-2006, 09:18 PM
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#6 |
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Junior Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Hooper, UT
Posts: 26
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fus... I have to agree with Rick and Hippie both on this one. Sex is not what will make a lasting relationship. You bet it helps, but like has already been said you have to be good friends. no matter how great the sex is, there is a lot more to a marriage and life. And like has been pointed out in the inactivity thread, trials will come and having a true friend by your side to go through them with will be priceless.
Now don't get me wrong the sex part is great and I have no complaints about my situation and I have been married for ten yrs and the fire still burns! 
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01-05-2006, 09:27 PM
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#7 | |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Moscow, ID
Posts: 1,151
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Quote:
b. That might depend on how much attention you pay to "a" c. Better your occupation than you. d. You'll get your 300, it's what you do after the first year of marriage that is in question... |
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01-05-2006, 09:32 PM
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#8 | ||
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Assistant to the Regional Manager
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: The Orgasmatron
Posts: 24,338
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Quote:
b. your job is to love her and not to require love from her. If she stops loving you, you will really test your love to see if you truly love her. c. huh? your kids will love you if your work hard at being a dad. d. even the misers of women are usually better than that. Your main worry should be how often you must beg for it. 
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Ἓν οἶδα ὅτι οὐδὲν οἶδα |
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01-05-2006, 09:34 PM
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#9 | |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 2,506
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Quote:
i understand sex isnt a reason to get married, but i do realize its an important aspect of marrige. important enough that sex, or lack thereof is the second most reason people divorce. im assuming its importance in divorce is for a few reasons... a. sexual incompatability... b. loss of sexual drive... c. loss of sexual exploration... now i understand b, c, are going to happen eventually. that you cant be going at it every night of your life for the rest of your existence, and im cool with that. but what happens if you arent compatable with your partner? are you just sol? do you just endure a life of little sexual gratification? do you turn to porn? what about playing 5 against 1? |
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01-05-2006, 09:44 PM
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#10 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 3,420
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At the risk of quoting "That one Seventy", I seem to remember some church authority saying that sexual compatability comes from compatability in other aspects of life. In other words, when a, b, and c are in place, so will X and Y.
Sounds like a cop-out to me, but it nevertheless smacks of reasonability. |
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