Raising children and daycare

[jay santos]

Mike, I've heard you mention this before and Arch is quoting you. Can you share your information with us?

It's definitely counterintuitive from what I've heard and believed for years.

It seems everything I ever hear from the mental health profession reinforces the idea that early childhood development and bonding with both mother and father is essential to a mentally healthy person. And it seems to be the more bonding the better, not just a minimum standard that needs to be met.

[Indy Coug]

I've never read a news story that showed daycare children did better than with a stay at home mom, but I have seen several that claimed the opposite.

Purely from an anecdotal standpoint, my wife spent a lot of her childhood in daycare and hated it and that was a major driver in her desire to be a stay at home mom once we could swing it financially (although it was very tough financially at first). I realize that's a sample size of one, so FWIW.

[SeattleUte]

Originally Posted by jay santos

Mike, I've heard you mention this before and Arch is quoting you. Can you share your information with us?

It's definitely counterintuitive from what I've heard and believed for years.

It seems everything I ever hear from the mental health profession reinforces the idea that early childhood development and bonding with both mother and father is essential to a mentally healthy person. And it seems to be the more bonding the better, not just a minimum standard that needs to be met.

Like much else in life it depends on the "day care." I like Montessori, though not the pretenders (it's not a copyrighted term nor is there a patent on the system). Do you need everything boiled down to you in a neat little generailization? I've seen some preschools that deliver more to a child than even the best of mothers could; of course, even the best preschools can't supplant a competent mother. Mother and father and "day care" need to work in tandem. I've seen some mother's I'd less rather have raising their kids than any licensed "day care."

The problems with day cares at their worst are identical to the evils of putting small children in front of the TV (electronic baby sitter). Do you do that?

Personally, I'd rather my kids have a happy and highly intelligent and educated mother. This often entails the mother working outside the home.

Those who condemn mothers working outside the home are caught in a mid-twentieth century time capsule in a relatively microscopic geographic location. Why none of this should be intuitively obviouse to you is beyond me. But hey, I could say that about a lot of stuff.

[MikeWaters]

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/s...toryId=4584513

[jay santos]

Originally Posted by MikeWaters

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/s...toryId=4584513

I didn't listen to the story. Maybe I'll listen from home tonight. I would think there is mountains of research on this kind of stuff. Any other studies?

I'm afraid this issue might be too emotionally charged for us to discuss. I can see why it's so tough for the church. Everyone was either daycared or not. Everyone either puts their kids in daycare or not. It's such a huge issue because everyone loves their kids and no one wants to feel like they're blowing it or have someone tell them that. We feel immediately condemned before the discussion can even start.

[jay santos]

Originally Posted by SeattleUte

Like much else in life it depends on the "day care." I like Montessori, though not the pretenders (it's not a copyrighted term nor is there a patent on the system). Do you need everything boiled down to you in a neat little generailization? I've seen some preschools that deliver more to a child than even the best of mothers could; of course, even the best preschools can't supplant a competent mother. Mother and father and "day care" need to work in tandem. I've seen some mother's I'd less rather have raising their kids than any licensed "day care."

The problems with day cares at their worst are identical to the evils of putting small children in front of the TV (electronic baby sitter). Do you do that?

Personally, I'd rather my kids have a happy and highly intelligent and educated mother. This often entails the mother workign outside the home.

Those who condemn mothers working outside the home are caught in a mid-twentieth century time capsule in a relatively microscopic geographic location. Why none of this should be intuitively obviouse to you is beyond me. But hey, I could say that about a lot of stuff.

SU lecturing me on how to raise my kids. This is rich.

[SeattleUte]

Originally Posted by jay santos

SU lecturing me on how to raise my kids. This is rich.

He says, completely oblivious of the irony in his statement.

[Indy Coug]

Originally Posted by SeattleUte

Like much else in life it depends on the "day care." I like Montessori, though not the pretenders (it's not a copyrighted term nor is there a patent on the system). Do you need everything boiled down to you in a neat little generailization?

Well there is a rule and there are the exceptions to it. If you're going to address people generally, like in a GENERAL CONFERENCE, you should be concerning yourself with the rule, rather than the exceptions to it.

If I'm an oddsmaker, I'm going with a stay at home mom over daycare. After a billion trials or so, I'll come out ahead.

[UtahDan]

Originally Posted by Indy Coug

Well there is a rule and there are the exceptions to it. If you're going to address people generally, like in a GENERAL CONFERENCE, you should be concerning yourself with the rule, rather than the exceptions to it.

If I'm an oddsmaker, I'm going with a stay at home mom over daycare. After a billion trials or so, I'll come out ahead.

I'm going to chime in in accord with Indy here. There a lots of things we hold up in the church as being the ideal. That doesn't mean you get the ideal all the time, but not always getting it does not mean we shouldn't continue to uphold it.

There are lots of kids who come through abusive terrible childhoods and wind up fine in life. That doesn't mean that a normal childhood is not preferable to an abusive one. Its an extreme example that illustrates the point.

I think the decision of whether or not to stay home with the kids is up to each couple. I think even the Proclamation on Families recognizes that individual adaptation to circumstances is expected. On the other hand, I think that it is right for the church (and I'm not saying the talk that has gotten so much run here does this) to suggest to its members that there is an ideal and that we all ought to examine whether our current arrangement is best for our children and whether our motives are their best interests or whether they are selfish.

I am biased because I came from a home where my mother who was never going to be happy being a homemaker. She had a career before my brothers and me. While we were little she worked out of the home, had a framing business, mortgage business, was a realtor, but was nearly always there when we got home from school and always saw us off in the morning. Work happened when we were at school. We had a parent parenting us rather than (sorry) warehousing us somewhere. I'm certain this was a financial sacrifice as well. When we were all high school age, mom completed her graduate degree and went back to work full time. She still works.

To me, the ideal is that parents should only have children that they intend to raise. That doesn't mean, to me, that either shoulders that burden any more than another. But, IMHO, if your kids are in day care and it would not be a financial hardship to have them out with one or both parents "at home" some of the time, that is a selfish decision. It is a decision that gratifies the parent rather than reflects the child's interests. I get that sometimes it just can't be avoided.

I think the problem lies, in large measure, is in a culture that tells us we can have it all. That both parents can have career and family and that neither will suffer. Reality is different.

[tooblue]

Originally Posted by SeattleUte

Personally, I'd rather my kids have a happy and highly intelligent and educated mother. This often entails the mother workign outside the home.

Zowey ... I guess we could call such a statement enlightenment and not the least bit offensive

lol