CG question I least understand

[Jeff Lebowski]

Originally Posted by smokymountainrain

good. the post certainly wasn't meant to offend. I think she's a cute little girl.

That's a great photo.

[smokymountainrain]

Originally Posted by Jeff Lebowski

That's a great photo.

doesn't quite match the one in your avatar, but I'm trying.

[RockyBalboa]

Originally Posted by Cali Coug

Why are you taking offense to this? I haven't specifically mentioned anyone by name. I am talking in general about the situation described in my post. And if you think those words in that context aren't designed to push someone out the door, we will just have to disagree. What other conclusion could be drawn?

It seems to me there are the following possible responses to a question like the one I posed:

1. Hear question, ignore it.
2. Hear question, ask why person is a member, decide person shouldn't be a member.
3. Hear question, ask why person is a member, decide person doesn't know and should think about it.
4. Hear question, ask why person is a member, decide there are good reasons and stay.

It seems that the intent of the questioner isn't to get the person to ignore the question, so that leaves 3 possible responses the questioner hopes for, two of which aren't conducive to the person staying in the church. So you have to agree that such a question, particularly when phrased in an angry manner, doesn't seem designed to be all that helpful to the recipient of the question.

Has it ever ocurred to you that it really is perplexing for someone to constantly listen to the same person bitch and moan ad nauseum...that that person is genuinely wondering why the upset individual is still hanging around?

I think it's pretty normal to think that. Especially if it's a constant pattern.

I think you're guilty of this as well, but just maybe not in the context of the church, but in other things. For example..I bet at sometime if you've heard a co-worker constantly complaining about a job they struggle with, or a person in a relationship they struggle with..........unless you're some kind of perfect deity, you've probably thought to yourself......"Why in the world is this person sticking around for hells sakes?"

In fact I think everyone on here is guilty of that. So like I said....you can use the church as the background for your frustration, but I'm telling you it's actually pretty normal.

Doesn't mean it's helpful, but it's normal.

[Tex]

Originally Posted by Cali Coug

Why are you taking offense to this? I haven't specifically mentioned anyone by name. I am talking in general about the situation described in my post. And if you think those words in that context aren't designed to push someone out the door, we will just have to disagree. What other conclusion could be drawn?

It seems to me there are the following possible responses to a question like the one I posed:

1. Hear question, ignore it.
2. Hear question, ask why person is a member, decide person shouldn't be a member.
3. Hear question, ask why person is a member, decide person doesn't know and should think about it.
4. Hear question, ask why person is a member, decide there are good reasons and stay.

It seems that the intent of the questioner isn't to get the person to ignore the question, so that leaves 3 possible responses the questioner hopes for, two of which aren't conducive to the person staying in the church. So you have to agree that such a question, particularly when phrased in an angry manner, doesn't seem designed to be all that helpful to the recipient of the question.

I'm not taking offense. I'm saying you're too closed-minded. Here's option #5:

5. Hear question, ask why person is a member, make no judgment. Gain greater insight into how someone else thinks, and appreciate their point of view.

[MikeWaters]

Originally Posted by RockyBalboa

Has it ever ocurred to you that it really is perplexing for someone to constantly listen to the same person bitch and moan ad nauseum...that that person is genuinely wondering why the upset individual is still hanging around?

Yes, you're right, I wonder why Tex hangs out so much on this website. Maybe he can explain why.

[Cali Coug]

Originally Posted by RockyBalboa

Has it ever ocurred to you that it really is perplexing for someone to constantly listen to the same person bitch and moan ad nauseum...that that person is genuinely wondering why the upset individual is still hanging around?

I think it's pretty normal to think that. Especially if it's a constant pattern.

I think you're guilty of this as well, but just maybe not in the context of the church, but in other things. For example..I bet at sometime if you've heard a co-worker constantly complaining about a job they struggle with, or a person in a relationship they struggle with..........unless you're some kind of perfect deity, you've probably thought to yourself......"Why in the world is this person sticking around for hells sakes?"

In fact I think everyone on here is guilty of that. So like I said....you can use the church as the background for your frustration, but I'm telling you it's actually pretty normal.

Doesn't mean it's helpful, but it's normal.

I don't disagree it is a normal human reaction. But I take issue with your conclusion that therefore it is ok. In other contexts, like a job, I don't have a personal belief that the person's exact job held has any sort of impact beyond this world. It is a job. With the church, those who throw out the "why are you a member anyways" comment are almost always believing members of the church who do believe that you need to be a member of the church. So I see a difference between the two.

If you don't like your job, I am fine telling you to quit. If you gripe about the church, I don't see how it is helpful for me to tell you to leave. We should resist what is "normal" in that sense. Maybe the person will come to the conclusion that the church isn't for them anyways. If so, fine. But why push them out the door?

[Cali Coug]

Originally Posted by Tex

I'm not taking offense. I'm saying you're too closed-minded. Here's option #5:

5. Hear question, ask why person is a member, make no judgment. Gain greater insight into how someone else thinks, and appreciate their point of view.

The person I am referring to is the person receiving the question, not the questioner. Doing nothing with the question asked falls into category 1 of ignoring the question.

And don't think I don't love the fact that my post for greater tolerance has led Tex to assert that I am too closed-minded. Ah the irony.

[RockyBalboa]

Originally Posted by Cali Coug

I don't disagree it is a normal human reaction. But I take issue with your conclusion that therefore it is ok. In other contexts, like a job, I don't have a personal belief that the person's exact job held has any sort of impact beyond this world. It is a job. With the church, those who throw out the "why are you a member anyways" comment are almost always believing members of the church who do believe that you need to be a member of the church. So I see a difference between the two.

If you don't like your job, I am fine telling you to quit. If you gripe about the church, I don't see how it is helpful for me to tell you to leave. We should resist what is "normal" in that sense. Maybe the person will come to the conclusion that the church isn't for them anyways. If so, fine. But why push them out the door?

I said it was normal, not okay. You're twisting again Cali.

[Cali Coug]

Originally Posted by RockyBalboa

I said it was normal, not okay. You're twisting again Cali.

Just misunderstood your intent.

[Tex]

Originally Posted by Cali Coug

The person I am referring to is the person receiving the question, not the questioner. Doing nothing with the question asked falls into category 1 of ignoring the question.

Ah, I misunderstood. All I'm really getting at is, when I asked my "version" of your disfavored question, it was in a true search for understanding, not to "weed out the unworthy."

If you took it as anything other, you need to re-evaluate yourself. Or, just ask me. I'm always happy to clarify, even for you.

Originally Posted by Cali Coug

And don't think I don't love the fact that my post for greater tolerance has led Tex to assert that I am too closed-minded. Ah the irony.

As Michael would say, "I'm startin' with the man in the mirror ..."