07-23-2007, 07:49 PM
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#42
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 3,420
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I can just imagine . . .
Quote:
Scene 1. The Chapel
It is fast and testimony meeting in the month of August. The hymns have been sung, the sacrament passed. The bishop has just sat down after inviting the members to share their testimonies. Member one gets up and makes his way to the pulpit.
Member One: I would like to bear my testimony of the reality of the Atonement and the mortal ministry of the Savior . . .
Member Two [leaping from his seat on the third row]: Blasphemy! He reviles the prophet Joseph Smith! How DARE he!
M1: Huh? I wasn't talking about Joseph Smith . . .
M2: And now he ignores the mission of the prophet of the restoration! Disfellowship him! Disfellowship him!
M1: Hey, wait just a second . . .
Member Three: Why are you getting so up in arms about this? It's not like Joseph was a prophet the way we think of him as one. It was just an ambiguous encounter with God, after all.
M2: Sons of Satan! All of you! Damn you all! Damn you all to HELL!
Member Four [whispering to Member Five]: Well, you wanted a more lively testimony meeting, didn't you?
Member Five: Yeah, I opened the door on that one, didn't I.
M1: Look, I didn't say I don't believe that Joseph Smith was a prophet. I do believe he was a prophet. In fact, I believe the Book of Mormon was . . .
Member Six: NOW he denies the Christ! Son of Perdition! Son of Perdition!
Member Seven: That cannot be. According to Mormon Doctrine, a son of perdition must . . .
M3: You can't quote that book! It isn't authorized!!!
M2: How dare YOU defile the name of McKonkie! You aren't worthy to blacken the boots of Judas! Spiritual whore!!
M1: Um, I, uh, love my family?
All: Ah . . .
M3: Can't argue with that.
M2: Rebaptize him! Rebaptize him!
M7: He doesn't need to be rebaptized. According to the manual . . .
M5: I guess we shouldn't have moved back to Utah after all.
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Last edited by All-American; 07-23-2007 at 07:51 PM.
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