Now that you've reared your family and are a rich single guy 71

[TripletDaddy]

Originally Posted by Archaea

This Church culture does a HORRIBLE job for single people. It's all about getting them married so they fit in. That's the mindset, and until that mindset changes it will remain an awful place for singles.

It isn't the Church's fault necessarily.

In general, single people hang out with single people, not married people. And vice versa. Forcing the two together would be artificial.

I cant think of many activities wherein a single person is going to get less enjoyment as a result of faulty Church culture....Ward Christmas party, Ward FHE in the park, Ward BBQ, etc....anyone can come, single or married.

Married people can go to singles dances if they wish. They can just go and dance and have a nice time. I bet none go because why would they? it isnt Church culture, it is simply standard social practice.

[Tex]

Originally Posted by BYU71

In all seriousness Tex, what outlook toward the church or life do I need to change. I don't know you well enough to compare definitively, but I would guess my outlook on the church and life is every bit as good as yours.

Could be--I'm not drawing any comparison to myself at all. It's just the way you're talking doesn't make it sound very positive, so I'm offering a suggestion. By the way, I'm also not insinuating that you are selfish or any other negative thing about you.

I've noticed that when people are feeling like the church isn't giving them much, their attitude changes--almost without fail--when they are in a calling that provides them meaningful opportunities to serve others. It sounds to me like you need that.

And this has nothing to do with whether you attend Sunday School or ward social activities. Neither of those really provide what I'm talking about.

[Tex]

Originally Posted by Archaea

This Church culture does a HORRIBLE job for single people. It's all about getting them married so they fit in. That's the mindset, and until that mindset changes it will remain an awful place for singles.

You're speaking of older singles, I presume? The church does a pretty decent job for YSAs, in my opinion, though no program is without challenges.

[Archaea]

Originally Posted by Tex

You're speaking of older singles, I presume? The church does a pretty decent job for YSAs, in my opinion, though no program is without challenges.

The Church does a good job for youth, families with children and married couples.

It does a poor job for older singles, and with its institutional mindset and the Church culture, I don't see it improving any time soon.

[BYU71]

Originally Posted by Tex

Could be--I'm not drawing any comparison to myself at all. It's just the way you're talking doesn't make it sound very positive, so I'm offering a suggestion. By the way, I'm also not insinuating that you are selfish or any other negative thing about you.

I've noticed that when people are feeling like the church isn't giving them much, their attitude changes--almost without fail--when they are in a calling that provides them meaningful opportunities to serve others. It sounds to me like you need that.

And this has nothing to do with whether you attend Sunday School or ward social activities. Neither of those really provide what I'm talking about.

I am well aware of the fact that I am not articulate in expressing myself. I don't know where in this thread I have said that I am unhappy with the church or that it isn't giving me much. That is someone elses interpretation of what I said.

The interpretation should have been that the church gives me plenty without me having to participate in any of the social or fellowshipping functions. I stated church wasn't fun, heck I have never thought of church in the context of fun nor do I care to.

[Tex]

Originally Posted by Archaea

The Church does a good job for youth, families with children and married couples.

It does a poor job for older singles, and with its institutional mindset and the Church culture, I don't see it improving any time soon.

I'm genuinely curious, Arch. Outside of relaxing the chastity requirement, what do you suggest? If you had carte blanche to institute your own program for single adults, what would you do?

[Tex]

Originally Posted by BYU71

I am well aware of the fact that I am not articulate in expressing myself. I don't know where in this thread I have said that I am unhappy with the church or that it isn't giving me much. That is someone elses interpretation of what I said.

The interpretation should have been that the church gives me plenty without me having to participate in any of the social or fellowshipping functions. I stated church wasn't fun, heck I have never thought of church in the context of fun nor do I care to.

Fair enough. This ...

Nothing is fun in Church for me. However, I don't wreak any havoc. I sit on the last row and bolt for the door. In Priesthood I keep my mouth shut. I haven't gone to Sunday School for 30 years.

I have told my home teacher and Bishop I will keep attending as long as everyone leaves me alone and doesn't try to talk me into showing up at ward socials.

... did not paint much of rosy picture to me. But if that gives you what you need, more power to ya.

[BYU71]

Originally Posted by Tex

You're speaking of older singles, I presume? The church does a pretty decent job for YSAs, in my opinion, though no program is without challenges.

There are pitfalls when dealing with the singles of any age. Believe me, I have been part of the culture for many years now.

After my divorce a friend got me into a singles ward. I enjoyed it very much. It was at a time where I needed some good associations. It was a mixed bag. I had no interest in immediately remarrying, I was divorced and had five kids. In the ward were 50 year olds who had never been married and some young gals and young guys who hadn't been married. Young divorcess, middle age divorcess like myself.

Eventually the church decided that wasn't a good mix. The over 30's got kicked out. Some should have and some shouldn't have. However, I don't think the church can deal with people on a person by person basis. It has to do what is best for the masses. I think they made the right decision. Too many of the younger singles were learning bad habits from the older singles, like you can have a great time and not be married.

[BYU71]

Originally Posted by Tex

Fair enough. This ...



... did not paint much of rosy picture to me. But if that gives you what you need, more power to ya.

I wouldn't expect it would. For a guy who is single, over 55 and has a ton of associates outside of his ward, it is a very rosy picutre. The only thing that I could see messing up the picture is if I got to involved in the ward.

[Archaea]

Originally Posted by Tex

I'm genuinely curious, Arch. Outside of relaxing the chastity requirement, what do you suggest? If you had carte blanche to institute your own program for single adults, what would you do?

If it were delegated to me, I would have to consult a field of experts to do it right.

First, I would field a litany of complaints and questions.

Second, I would discuss them with sociologists and psychologists.

Third, I would compare them with existing programs.

Fourth, I would then find a mechanism of solving the two or three most vital concerns, and a way of getting the message out.

It is a complex problem which I don't claim to understand fully but if it were my bailywick, I'm confident I could do a better job than's being done, but perhaps I err.