What would you do if your spouse cheated?

[Mindfulcoug]

Originally Posted by MikeWaters

See, if my wife cheated, and I were to stay in the marriage (which I wouldn't), man I would milk that for the rest of my life.

"would you do the dishes?"
"you cheated on me."

Everything I opposed , I would respond with "you cheated on me."

It would be the ultimate trump card.

now its inhumanity for sure.

[BarbaraGordon]

Originally Posted by marsupial

danimal is absolutely my best friend in the whole world. There is no one I would rather spend time with and there is no one I trust more. I trust him with all my insecurities and vulnerabilities. If he cheated on me it would turn my world upside down. When given the choice of raising my children by myself (or at least in separate households) and taking back a cheater, I would probably take him back. However, I would forever mourn the lost of my best friend. Our relationship could survive but it would never return to its current state. In fact my ability to trust anyone would surely be permamently damaged.

Marsupial pretty much summed it up perfectly.

Here's my addendum:

If Jason cheated, I would be devastated, but I'd also want to examine myself and our relationship to see what might have led him to look outside of the marriage for happiness. Perhaps I could find ways to improve the marriage. I would think counseling would be in order.

Now, to answer the later question, if he cheated with a guy, well that's just beyond my comprehension.

On the other hand, if I cheated with a girl, I'm pretty sure he'd try to contain his glee while asking if we should invite her over for dinner and cocktails.

[MikeWaters]

Originally Posted by Adam

You are thinking like a woman (naturally) but you forget that men don't think like women. Sometimes we are simple slaves to our little enemy (or not so little in my case--I mean it is a big/major enemy--that's all I meant!).

Assume he was on a business trip and hadn't slept for 20 hours and was coming off a spiritually down period after the death of a family member where he hadn't been deep in the scriptures like he usually was and had been released from the calling he loved and hadn't been put back to work yet. Assume you had been going through one of your bloated stages of life (this is just a hypo, don't throw anything at me) where you didn't feel sexy and therefore weren't sexy with him for a while and to compensate went and cut off your hair and had it dyed some awful shade of brown.

And he just kicked some major butt on that important business issue and was the toast of his team for his brilliance and insight and he calls you to tell you and you yell at him for not fixing the fence out back and the dog got out again and was lost.

And some tight young Izzy on the team from the home office organizes a group dinner to celebrate the victory and afterwards knocks on his hotel room door and slips inside and slips off her dress and bam!

I promise you he is still your best friend. He still loves you. He doesn't love sweet Izzy. He will repent and cry many tears and regret it for the rest of his life. Not to minimize the sin, but it was just a physical release for him.

If you never allowed him to be your best friend again, the greater sin would be upon you, IMHO.

Sometimes mistakes happen. Your attitude is telling him to never tell you, meaning he could never fully repent, meaning he would always thereafter lack confidence before God, meaning the priesthood power would be diminished in your home, because you say you would not be his best friend ever again, and he is unwilling to risk that, because he loves you with all his heart.

I hope you don't take this the wrong way.

I wonder how much Danimal paid Adam for this post.

[cougjunkie]

Originally Posted by Adam

You are thinking like a woman (naturally) but you forget that men don't think like women. Sometimes we are simple slaves to our little enemy (or not so little in my case--I mean it is a big/major enemy--that's all I meant!).

Assume he was on a business trip and hadn't slept for 20 hours and was coming off a spiritually down period after the death of a family member where he hadn't been deep in the scriptures like he usually was and had been released from the calling he loved and hadn't been put back to work yet. Assume you had been going through one of your bloated stages of life (this is just a hypo, don't throw anything at me) where you didn't feel sexy and therefore weren't sexy with him for a while and to compensate went and cut off your hair and had it dyed some awful shade of brown.

And he just kicked some major butt on that important business issue and was the toast of his team for his brilliance and insight and he calls you to tell you and you yell at him for not fixing the fence out back and the dog got out again and was lost.

And some tight young Izzy on the team from the home office organizes a group dinner to celebrate the victory and afterwards knocks on his hotel room door and slips inside and slips off her dress and bam!

I promise you he is still your best friend. He still loves you. He doesn't love sweet Izzy. He will repent and cry many tears and regret it for the rest of his life. Not to minimize the sin, but it was just a physical release for him.

If you never allowed him to be your best friend again, the greater sin would be upon you, IMHO.

Sometimes mistakes happen. Your attitude is telling him to never tell you, meaning he could never fully repent, meaning he would always thereafter lack confidence before God, meaning the priesthood power would be diminished in your home, because you say you would not be his best friend ever again, and he is unwilling to risk that, because he loves you with all his heart.

I hope you don't take this the wrong way.

Sounds like a personal experience, who didnt vote for you in that election you would have made a great politician.

[Mindfulcoug]

Originally Posted by Adam

A family member went through this, his wife forgave him, and they are stronger because of it, I think. He wasn't ex'ed.

15 minutes after the girl left he was on the phone with his bishop. He then called his wife. He does regret telling his wife on the phone in the middle of the night. But if he thought she would never forgive him and wouldn't be his best friend ever again, I doubt he would have quickly repented.

There is a balancing act between being permissive (destructive) and being unforgiving (destructive). The right place to be is somewhere in the middle.

i couldnot help but guess you went through "forget and forgive MULTIPLE times and stuff....

[SoonerCoug]

Originally Posted by BarbaraGordon

Marsupial pretty much summed it up perfectly.

Here's my addendum:

If Jason cheated, I would be devastated, but I'd also want to examine myself and our relationship to see what might have led him to look outside of the marriage for happiness. Perhaps I could find ways to improve the marriage. I would think counseling would be in order.

Now, to answer the later question, if he cheated with a guy, well that's just beyond my comprehension.

On the other hand, if I cheated with a girl, I'm pretty sure he'd try to contain his glee while asking if we should invite her over for dinner and cocktails.

Having your wife cheat with a woman is NOT cool.

Unfortunately, most women who cheat with women are genuinely homosexual, so this would generally lead to the conclusion of a marriage, in my opinion.

Some (all?) men just like the concept of heterosexual women who temporarily pretend to be homosexual or "bisexual." I wonder why the reverse isn't true.

[Mindfulcoug]

Originally Posted by SoonerCoug

Some (all?) men just like the concept of heterosexual women who temporarily pretend to be homosexual or "bisexual." I wonder why the reverse isn't true.

i dont think women or men would mind if thier spouses just temporarily PRETEND ...the problem is begun when they want to take the plan into ACTION.

[Goatnapper'96]

Originally Posted by Adam

You are thinking like a woman (naturally) but you forget that men don't think like women. Sometimes we are simple slaves to our little enemy (or not so little in my case--I mean it is a big/major enemy--that's all I meant!).

Assume he was on a business trip and hadn't slept for 20 hours and was coming off a spiritually down period after the death of a family member where he hadn't been deep in the scriptures like he usually was and had been released from the calling he loved and hadn't been put back to work yet. Assume you had been going through one of your bloated stages of life (this is just a hypo, don't throw anything at me) where you didn't feel sexy and therefore weren't sexy with him for a while and to compensate went and cut off your hair and had it dyed some awful shade of brown.

And he just kicked some major butt on that important business issue and was the toast of his team for his brilliance and insight and he calls you to tell you and you yell at him for not fixing the fence out back and the dog got out again and was lost.

And some tight young Izzy on the team from the home office organizes a group dinner to celebrate the victory and afterwards knocks on his hotel room door and slips inside and slips off her dress and bam!

I promise you he is still your best friend. He still loves you. He doesn't love sweet Izzy. He will repent and cry many tears and regret it for the rest of his life. Not to minimize the sin, but it was just a physical release for him.

If you never allowed him to be your best friend again, the greater sin would be upon you, IMHO.

Sometimes mistakes happen. Your attitude is telling him to never tell you, meaning he could never fully repent, meaning he would always thereafter lack confidence before God, meaning the priesthood power would be diminished in your home, because you say you would not be his best friend ever again, and he is unwilling to risk that, because he loves you with all his heart.

I hope you don't take this the wrong way.

I figured the fine young Marsupial was just "lying for the Lord" and perhaps when she tells Danimal that if finds himself going down this road to live it up because his unit is on a one way path to meeting a meat cleaver once he returns to the homestead, she is only following the inspired guidance in D&C 19.

[marsupial]

Originally Posted by Goatnapper'96

I figured the fine young Marsupial was just "lying for the Lord" and perhaps when she tells Danimal that if finds himself going down this road to live it up because his unit is on a one way path to meeting a meat cleaver once he returns to the homestead, she is only following the inspired guidance in D&C 19.

I could support the Lorena Bobbitt way to handle this sort of thing...

[SoCalCoug]

Originally Posted by SoonerCoug

Having your wife cheat with a woman is NOT cool.

Unfortunately, most women who cheat with women are genuinely homosexual, so this would generally lead to the conclusion of a marriage, in my opinion.

Some (all?) men just like the concept of heterosexual women who temporarily pretend to be homosexual or "bisexual." I wonder why the reverse isn't true.

I saw a report of a study that was done recently. It seems that they confirmed that most of the women who considered themselves to be "bisexual" in the study were, indeed, turned on by both men and women.

However, most of the men in the study who considered themselves to be "bisexual" were actually turned on only by men. There were no actual bisexual men.