Why are my parents

[BYU71]

Originally Posted by Mrs. Funk

I asked Mr. Funk if my parents can be controlling... and he paused... swallowed awkwardly... and replied, "Ummmm... yeah... they can be a little controlling."

Nuff said.

Mr Funk is a genius. My ex had a controlling mother like no other, the therapist called her one in a million. I am sure your folks are in the minor, minor leagues compared to her.

However, I grew up in the church in the fifties and sixties. The man was in charge and leave your parents and cleave unto each other meant something.

As the manly man I was and with the churches stand on "man is head of household", instead of Mr Funks approach, my approach was, you dang frickin rights she's controlling and I will put a stop to it. 13 year battle between Mom and husband ensued and I lost out.

Of course so did the 2 subsequent guys she married and my guess is the guy she is marrying today will too.

Oh, I don't have any advice for you, but good luck.

[Sleeping in EQ]

Whatever you do, don't try to put Mr. Funk in the middle.

[Mrs. Funk]

Originally Posted by Sleeping in EQ

Whatever you do, don't try to put Mr. Funk in the middle.

I totally agree. It's not his fight. It's just frustrating because we're doing the best we can. I'm the oldest, and my parents are far from being understanding that we might not be there at 6:30 AM for Present Unwrapping Bacchanalia.

[ute4ever]

As a fresh new law student, here is your chance to put your new skills to use and probe your parents to find out what their true concern is. It could be that they recently went through the emotional experience of losing their baby to marriage, and now they are afraid of not getting you every holiday season.

Once you know where they are coming from, mediation and negotiation should be a snap, because as their daughter, you have tons of leverage!

[Mrs. Funk]

Originally Posted by BYU71

Mr Funk is a genius. My ex had a controlling mother like no other, the therapist called her one in a million. I am sure your folks are in the minor, minor leagues compared to her.

However, I grew up in the church in the fifties and sixties. The man was in charge and leave your parents and cleave unto each other meant something.

As the manly man I was and with the churches stand on "man is head of household", instead of Mr Funks approach, my approach was, you dang frickin rights she's controlling and I will put a stop to it. 13 year battle between Mom and husband ensued and I lost out.

Of course so did the 2 subsequent guys she married and my guess is the guy she is marrying today will too.

Oh, I don't have any advice for you, but good luck.

Funk's frustrated, but he doesn't put himself in the middle and doesn't pit "Us vs. Them." He's sensible enough to know that his mother-in-law can make his life a living hell is she wants to.

My parents are good people. I hope people don't interpret this rant as my not loving and appreciating them. They (like all parents) can be a little unreasonable about what their married child can reasonably do given airfare prices and in-law familial obligations, too.

[RC Vikings]

Originally Posted by BYU71

Of course so did the 2 subsequent guys she married and my guess is the guy she is marrying today will too.

Oh, I don't have any advice for you, but good luck.

Looks like she's not going to stop until he finds someone as good as you.

[Mrs. Funk]

Originally Posted by ute4ever

As a fresh new law student, here is your chance to put your new skills to use and probe your parents to find out what their true concern is. It could be that they recently went through the emotional experience of losing their baby to marriage, and now they are afraid of not getting you every holiday season.

Once you know where they are coming from, mediation and negotiation should be a snap, because as their daughter, you have tons of leverage!

I'm almost positive that it's exacerbated by the recent "loss" they sustained through my marriage, but they've always been insane about "Family comes first" since before I can remember. Thing is, they have to remember that Mr. Funk's family comes first, too, now, and we have to balance between the two families.

By the way, I just got a slightly tart email from my mom saying they're *sigh* willing to work with what we need to do. They're also suggesting we drive from Utah to Washington in the middle of December. Riiiiiiiiiight...

[BYU71]

Originally Posted by RC Vikings

Looks like she's not going to stop until he finds someone as good as you.

LOL, I don't so.

[jay santos]

Originally Posted by Sleeping in EQ

Whatever you do, don't try to put Mr. Funk in the middle.

Amen. Which is probably impossible.

[tooblue]

Originally Posted by Mrs. Funk

so completely retarded about major holidays? They are already offended that we can't make it home for Thanksgiving (I'm a first year law student... and will be getting ready for finals... but this is immaterial to them) and that the cheapest tickets back home we can find have us back in my hometown at 9 PM Christmas Day. My dad is throwing a hissyfit that we might miss Christmas Day, the first time I haven't been around to open presents with them.

We're broke newlyweds! What do they want? The earlier flight costs twice as much! We're not trying to break the family or say that we hate them. We're already taking a full week to spend with them. Funk is taking a week off of work so he can sleep in his in-law's basement while his wife gets criticized for being a slothful, worthless waste of skin daughter.

It's always been this way. I can never do anything right. I'm never considerate enough. I'm a big selfish oaf. I should just give up now.

Make the decision that is best for you and your husband right now -that's all that really matters. If your parents offer to pay just for you, don't go alone, insist they pay for his ticket also. Have a great holiday when you are able to visit.

As a note I have always lived at least 2,000 miles away from one set of parents for my entire married life ... it only gets easier when you set the ground rules as the adult in the relationship.