Adopting

[Archaea]

Good comments.

The age thing worries me a bit, as our youngest is 8 and I'm not a spring chicken any more. Yet if a child who otherwise will receive no chance is placed in our path, we will be given the energy or at least retain our economic means.

We're at the infant stages of it; my wife was adopted as was her brother.

I no longer rush headfirst into these things. The healthy child issue is important to me.

Thanks, I may well take you up on it, if matters proceed positively. Our community of friends are well-educated, middle class and usually open minded. I know little of AA culture and some parts, at least what is portrayed, concern me.

We will do lots of investigation and prayer.

[MikeWaters]

Originally Posted by SoCalCoug

You know, that sort of thing may just be a great way to solve our cornerback problems, too.

dang, I wanted to be the first with the de rigeur semi-racist statement...



Nice post Big Daddy. Kudos to you and your wife for making the world not only better for 4 kids, but for the whole world.

[bluegoose]

Excellent comments big daddy (I feel so dirty calling you that - Will you please change your username? :wink: )

I found it interesting what you mentioned about your motivation for adopting AA children. I think one area that can potentially create some problems is when somebody adopts to "make a statement". If you want to interacially adopt, that is totally fine with me. But I do become frustrated when people do this sort of thing to teach those around them a lesson or to prove a point to doubters. From the beginning, this person's motives are tainted and they may not have the correct intentions of providing a loving, nuturing environment for this new child.

[Parrot Head]

Originally Posted by Big Daddy D

We're just a family, we're not trying to make a statement or do a service. It's just how our family got put together.

My best friend in high school (I have since wondered how we were ever friends as we have almost nothing in common) has been married a couple of years and is wanting to adopt over having their own kids. But he's a self-proclaimed liberal activist and he lives in North Carolina. Their plan is to adopt an African kid "because that's not something you do here and it'll show these bigots." He's wrong on so many levels, but I'm sure I don't need to point those out.

Anyway, I echo the thanks of others, BDD, for a good story and a good start to my Tuesday.

[fusnik11]

ill approach this from a different point of view than big daddy d, great thoughts by the way.....

some questions an adopted kid will ask himself throughout his life, besides the normal questions adopted kids will as you are adopting a kid outside of your race....

a. what is my 'real' culture like?

b. am i a novelty item?

c. what if i dont have the 'smart' genes my adopted family has?

d. what if im not a good athlete will i disappoint my family?

e. if i embrace certain aspects of my other culture, will my current family be offfended?

f. what race do i mark down on applications, etc?

g. am i an uncle tom or sorts?

these questions will start circulating in the childs mind from about 5 when he begins to recognize he is different than the other kids, and different than you, until the child comes to grips with his plot in life.....

you will need to be patient, loving, and kind through this process, while not allowing him to become a victim of his own race....

[Archaea]

The child is female, so we're not recruiting. A social worker brought the child to our attention.

Our family always brings in stray animals, allows people to drop by and would welcome a healthy child.

Genes do play a role in academics, but parenting does as well. Our children are beset with my genes, which means they might learn to work hard, but will have no headstart in any other department. However, we do make our kids work routinely on their grades, as a result, three of the four are 4.0, with the other a solid 3.5.

Most kids can be taught to be A students. Athletics is for fitness in our house, as nobody every got a scholarship for our kinetic abilities. So we would never expect it from anybody else.

It is interesting that people want to know "their culture". I'm probably unusual in that regard, as my own cuture doesn't interest me as much. My speculation is that most people are endocentric, whereas I'm probably more exocentric.

Good questions. If things develop, we will inform, if people are interested. We haven't even signed the "letter of intent", but I knew some people here might have more information.

[MikeWaters]

did anyone see the Curb Your Enthusiasm episode where Larry visits his biological parents (or so he thinks)......hilarious.

Point being that some people wish they were adopted.

[Robin]

We will probably adopt our next children. The wife's plumbing doesn't work so well. We were lucky to have one child naturally. Might try fertility pills, but I'm not sure we are ready for triplets.

The idea of adopting an African child appeals to us. We can't exactly go through LDS adoption services. Perhaps I should have timed my religious exit a little better.

[bluegoose]

LDS social services isn't always the best option. A buddy of mine was able to adopt a beautiful girl through LDSSS about 4 years ago following a 3 year wait. Within about a year, they started the process of adopting another child and are still waiting patiently. They just recently started the process of going through a state agency which anticipates a much shorter wait.

[cougjunkie]

My wife is adopted she is hispanic and has white parents. Her parents had 8 children naturally and then adopted 6 more, 4 mexican, 1 mayan indian (my wife) and 1 korean.

A few problems in my wifes family:

1. My wife is 23 her dad is 78 and mom is 74
2. The "natural children" range from 34-55 in age, the adopted from 23-29, this creates a huge age gap and it is basically like two different families, major major segregation at family parties.
3. Whenever one of the adopted children does something bad (2 of them are wayward children big time) the natural kids feel like they need to step in and protect there parents like the other kids are not members of the family, but one of the natural kids is a convicted child molester that has molest every kid in the family (not exaggerating) and everyone still talks about how he is repenting and deserves a second chance. Yet the alcoholic was kicked out of the house.
4. This is just me but it is weird having nieces and nephews older than me, and having some really hot nieces :wink: (no i am not a dirty old man)
5. My wife is the only one of the adopted children that still attends church, when all of the natural kids do and are very active, married in the temple, etc. etc. Where the adopted kids church status is as follows:
1. (oldest) ran away at 16, calls every 4 or 5 years
2. had her records removed about 2 years ago, smokes pot on a daily basis
3. Gay, been in and out of drug and alcohol rehab his whole life, is 27 lives at home and is treated like a 7 year old. Not joking, got a kinex roller coaster set for his birthday a few weeks ago
4. Divorced, has two kids out of wedlock
5. Got married to a guy straight from Africa just so he can get citizenship, very very abusive relationship, and has been in jail several times for stealing
6. My wife, had her share of problems in the past but now active in the church and doing good.

I am not sure whether the results of this had to do with adoption or the way there parents raised them, but 5 out of 6 wayward kids that were all adopted seems to be more than a coincidence, my mother in law told me that whenever there was an argument her kids would play the your not my mother card, eventhough she adopted all of them at birth, except for my wife who was 4. Anyways that is my take on it. My wife does not want to adopt at all because she said it was to hard for her mom and she doesnt want it to be the same way.