Do you all ever feel shortchanged by your culture's insistence on early marriage

[il Padrino Ute]

Originally Posted by ERCougar

Ok...I've already spent more time on CG than I had today (and more time posting on this thread), so last comment:
What's this crap about retention rates? I don't doubt that may have something to do with things, but that's pretty sad. It's as if we're trying to steer people into our little cult before they can think for themselves, like if they get more life experience or knowledge, they might see there is something else out there for them. Truth is truth--if the Gospel's true, additional experience should only help them find it.

I think the point that 71 was making with which I agree is that those who start doing the big nasty before they're married my be more likely to leave the church to follow a bohemian lifestyle. (See SU ) Those who remain in the faith not only benefit spiritually from the church, they also get to engage in sexual activities with only their children to catch them doing the hibbity-jibbity and therefore can do it guilt free.

[ERCougar]

Originally Posted by Black Diamond Bay

I think that the thought is that if someone gets married the potential for that individual to fall into serious moral transgression, and subsequently head down a wayward path and wind up like SU is substantially decreased.

I wonder if that's true. Or is the person who's going to "lose their way" going to do it regardless of marital status?

[ERCougar]

Originally Posted by il Padrino Ute

I think the point that 71 was making with which I agree is that those who start doing the big nasty before they're married my be more likely to leave the church to follow a bohemian lifestyle. (See SU ) Those who remain in the faith not only benefit spiritually from the church, they also get to engage in sexual activities with only their children to catch them doing the hibbity-jibbity and therefore can do it guilt free.

I didn't mean this as a knock on 71--I think he's probably right that retention rates come into the thinking on this. However, I think it's a huge mistake to encourage someone to get married so they'll stay on the straight-and-narrow. I don't think it gets easier once you're married, and to imply that it does is misleading.

[Black Diamond Bay]

Originally Posted by ERCougar

I wonder if that's true. Or is the person who's going to "lose their way" going to do it regardless of marital status?

I don't suppose that there's a blanket answer to that question. I would venture to guess that for some it might, and for others it might just result in them inflicting pain on the unsuspecting spouse.

[BYU71]

Originally Posted by ERCougar

I didn't mean this as a knock on 71--I think he's probably right that retention rates come into the thinking on this. However, I think it's a huge mistake to encourage someone to get married so they'll stay on the straight-and-narrow. I don't think it gets easier once you're married, and to imply that it does is misleading.

I didn't take it as a knock. I think our character is in flux through some age, not sure what that age is. We maybe more prone to do something as opposed to the other guy.

However, I would say the two guys with the same characteristics will develop differently if one marries at 22 and the other marries at 28. Not always, but I will bet most of the time.

Now if a 24 year old is a real hustler and gets married and another guy is very non hustling and marries at age 28, I would bet the 24 year old is more likely to commit adultery later on.

The church doesn't differentiate like that though. When they hand out advice to the masses they think in terms of everyone is exactly alike. That is why I say the leaders may hand out advice to the masses and tell their own something different. Why, they think their own is different from the masses.

[il Padrino Ute]

Originally Posted by ERCougar

I didn't mean this as a knock on 71--I think he's probably right that retention rates come into the thinking on this. However, I think it's a huge mistake to encourage someone to get married so they'll stay on the straight-and-narrow. I don't think it gets easier once you're married, and to imply that it does is misleading.

Fair enough.

It's not scientific by any means, but in my very small sample group, of my LDS friends that married before they finished school, only one is divorced and he is also the only one that has left the church. I have even fewer LDS friends who married after school and of those, just less than half no longer consider themselves Mormons.

[Tex]

Originally Posted by ERCougar

Very well put. This is the stuff that needs to be published in the Ensign for single adults.

What did you think of this month's article?

[ERCougar]

Originally Posted by Tex

What did you think of this month's article?

The article is why I responded to BDB's comment. I only scanned it, but it still seems to fall in the "single = unhappy, married = happy" school. I would really like to see an article about someone who's sincerely found happiness and fulfillment as a single, phrased about like BDB's comment.

[TripletDaddy]

Originally Posted by Black Diamond Bay

I think that the thought is that if someone gets married the potential for that individual to fall into serious moral transgression, and subsequently head down a wayward path and wind up like SU is substantially decreased.

By all accounts, SU is happily married, and his wife is leggy as the day is long.

My personal take is that marriage, like a magnifying glass, only reveals flaws and strengths that are already within a person.....by itself, marriage generally does not create them.

I would actually say that when you are married, the potential for moral transgression is substantially increased.

[TripletDaddy]

Originally Posted by ERCougar

The article is why I responded to BDB's comment. I only scanned it, but it still seems to fall in the "single = unhappy, married = happy" school. I would really like to see an article about someone who's sincerely found happiness and fulfillment as a single, phrased about like BDB's comment.

My impression is that the Church is already preaching this very thing. The Gospel encourages us to have joy and to have a perfect brightness of hope.

The Church has definitely counseled YSAs to not delay marriage. This is often misunderstood as a blanket cattle call to the altar. In reality, that message is directed at those who are in a legitimate position to get married, often multiple times, but for whatever reason, he or she decides to delay. The Church is not addressing those sisters and brothers would love to be married, yte have a hard time finding the right date.