Osama Bin Laden -- overheard - cougarguard.com — unofficial BYU Cougars / LDS sports, football, basketball forum and message board

MikeWaters · 01-20-2006, 04:00 AM

Best rendered in OBL's middle eastern cabbie accent:

"I know you all are criticizing my offer of truce. You are saying Osama, let us attack, let us blow up a city, okay if not New York, at least Duluth or Peoria. You are whispering, Osama has lost his mojo. Well let me tell you something, terrorist attacks don't grow on trees! You want me to flip over my turban and pull out a nuclear bomb? Idiots! Look at my turban. Look at the dirt. I can't wash my turban and you expect me to blow up New York City! Sure I have 50 million in my swiss accounts, so if you find an ATM in the next few caves let me know! Ever since I lost my ATM card at Tora Bora life sure has been a bitch, we all know that. And next time I see Omar I'm going to kick him in the head for giving out my pin number to that prince in Nigeria. Idiot! By the way, I have ordered the new ATM card, but given I said my address was "Cave, Pakistan", we can probably expect a delay. 'Delay'. Get it? That Bush and Delay, sending out that woman Condileeeza Rice. She is proof that women wearing veils is ordained of Allah. I crack myself up. Well you know the truce would be great. We will need probably at least two months, if you calculate 2 episodes of 24 a night, to catch up on training. We can't have any more idiots like Mohammet who put the nuclear weapon in the Pluto probe. Sure it will be spectacular to blow up a planet, but 10 years!! By Allah, Paris Hilton will be too old to do a Playboy spread by then, even the sort where the woman says 'I just want women of my age to feel good about their bodies'! And by the way, remember on the night before a suicide bombing when you go to the strip club, no lap dances on my credit card without sending pictures back! Remember, send first, suicide second! And for the love of yellow cake, using a man's turban for toilet paper is not funny. Okay, it was funny the first two times. I'll give you that. All right everyone, gather around for the cheer, all hands in the middle--not your wiping hands either--okay, one, two, three, DEATH TO THE INFIDELS AND BUSTY HORNY VIRGINS FOR US!"

01-20-2006, 04:00 AM	#1
MikeWaters Demiurge Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 36,365	Osama Bin Laden -- overheard Best rendered in OBL's middle eastern cabbie accent: "I know you all are criticizing my offer of truce. You are saying Osama, let us attack, let us blow up a city, okay if not New York, at least Duluth or Peoria. You are whispering, Osama has lost his mojo. Well let me tell you something, terrorist attacks don't grow on trees! You want me to flip over my turban and pull out a nuclear bomb? Idiots! Look at my turban. Look at the dirt. I can't wash my turban and you expect me to blow up New York City! Sure I have 50 million in my swiss accounts, so if you find an ATM in the next few caves let me know! Ever since I lost my ATM card at Tora Bora life sure has been a bitch, we all know that. And next time I see Omar I'm going to kick him in the head for giving out my pin number to that prince in Nigeria. Idiot! By the way, I have ordered the new ATM card, but given I said my address was "Cave, Pakistan", we can probably expect a delay. 'Delay'. Get it? That Bush and Delay, sending out that woman Condileeeza Rice. She is proof that women wearing veils is ordained of Allah. I crack myself up. Well you know the truce would be great. We will need probably at least two months, if you calculate 2 episodes of 24 a night, to catch up on training. We can't have any more idiots like Mohammet who put the nuclear weapon in the Pluto probe. Sure it will be spectacular to blow up a planet, but 10 years!! By Allah, Paris Hilton will be too old to do a Playboy spread by then, even the sort where the woman says 'I just want women of my age to feel good about their bodies'! And by the way, remember on the night before a suicide bombing when you go to the strip club, no lap dances on my credit card without sending pictures back! Remember, send first, suicide second! And for the love of yellow cake, using a man's turban for toilet paper is not funny. Okay, it was funny the first two times. I'll give you that. All right everyone, gather around for the cheer, all hands in the middle--not your wiping hands either--okay, one, two, three, DEATH TO THE INFIDELS AND BUSTY HORNY VIRGINS FOR US!"