My Ward New Year's Eve Party predicted itinerary

[TripletDaddy]

Tonight, MMM and I are going to the home of a young married couple in our ward. They are hosting a NYE bash for their circle of friends, which includes La Famiglia DDD.

As a qualifier, I have been lucky to spend NYE in several spots during my lifetime, including Las Vegas, Honolulu, New York City, Bolivia, Los Angeles, San Diego, Utah, and Australia. That being said, I am not much on NYE as a holiday. For LDS, it holds little allure. There is no getting drunk, no hooking up, no scandalous behavior. It is basically staying up late for no real purpose when I would rather just be home. Going to destination spots for NYE was fun, but only because it was fun being in those cities to begin with.

So this year, it is NYE in South County. I think parts of it will be fun. It is always nice for us to get a night out sans bambini, plus we can see some friends and have a few laughs. Nevertheless, I have noticed that LDS "invite only" parties usually have the same itinerary, esp when it comes to NYE functions.

Here is how I think mine will go...

1. Show up.
2. Eat. The food will be about 85% desserts, no main dishes. I will be starving because I don't like to eat 5 pieces of cake as a meal. Inevitably, there will be one or two desserts that do not get eaten because they are either gross or store-bought (and thus less appealing than homemade options). You can tell which wife made the gross dessert because her husband is the only one who is eating it.
3. Men begin the unspoken game of sardines, wherein all men silently explore the house looking for the one spot in the house where all men will congregate, thereby avoiding helping or unnecessary socializing.
4. Women talk to each other--usually gossip cloaked as chit chat about other ward members. Someone in the group will use this opportunity to leak confidential info about someone else in the ward....then cover it up by saying that she thought everyone already knew.
5. Men talk to each other--usually about sports, sometimes about money. If the gathering has a high Peter/Molly ratio of attendees, much of the discussion will center around ward callings, new move-ins, and holiday experiences. If there is a low Peter/Molly ratio, much of the discussion will center around Halo 3, Call of Duty 4, and the impending DVD release of Superbad.
6. At some point...maybe around 9PM, one woman will decide that people enjoying themselves in conversation is not good. She will disrupt all conversations and demand that everyone play a group game. Teams will be divided into male vs females. One couple will immediately and openly anoint themselves as "competitive." Usually, only one of the two competitive spouses adds value to whatever game is being played. Also, there will be one couple that stinks at every single game.
7. As a rule, the game to be played usually involves luck, drawing/acting, and being loud. A game wherein the more intelligent person holds the advantage is usually avoided. The game most like to be played is the one where you put names/words on paper and then into a bowl...then you pull the papers from the bowl and act them out to your team for points.
8. At this point, I will be openly bored and go to the other room to watch TV with one or two other guys.
9. My wife will get annoyed with me for leaving the game.
9a. My wife will admit later that she was jealous that I had the guts to leave, not her.
10. Someone will jokingly suggest that we do a NYE countdown based on Utah time.
11. We will leave early and come home.
12. I will be asleep before midnight.

I dont know for sure, but I have a feeling this is how it will all play out.