Racist family members

[Sleeping in EQ]

My uncle lives in rural Indiana. He's sucessfully run a farm his whole life. He's been a bishop.

But he's racist.

When the FLDS thing broke, he went out of his way to mention that the woman who made the fake calls was a "negroe."

He's told me that the blacks in the Church are OK, but "you usually can't trust them otherwise."

I've challenged him on it some, but he gives me a look like--"when you grow up, you'll know better."

Do you have racist family members?

How do you handle things?

[ERCougar]

Originally Posted by Sleeping in EQ

My uncle lives in rural Indiana. He's sucessfully run a farm his whole life. He's been a bishop.

But he's racist.

When the FLDS thing broke, he went out of his way to mention that the woman who made the fake calls was a "negroe."

He's told me that the blacks in the Church are OK, but "you usually can't trust them otherwise."

I've challenged him on it some, but he gives me a look like--"when you grow up, you'll know better."

Do you have racist family members?

How do you handle things?

My dad is one of the kindest, nonjudgmental people I know. But he grew up on the Indian reservation, and once in a while, will really surprise me with some of his comments.

As Indy said, it's all about your interactions. It's easy for me, from my background, to sit back and call him racist. I'd be much more impressed with someone who grew up in the reservation and still emerged without racist attitudes.

[UtahDan]

Originally Posted by ERCougar

My dad is one of the kindest, nonjudgmental people I know. But he grew up on the Indian reservation, and once in a while, will really surprise me with some of his comments.

As Indy said, it's all about your interactions. It's easy for me, from my background, to sit back and call him racist. I'd be much more impressed with someone who grew up in the reservation and still emerged without racist attitudes.

I think without exception that all of the most racist people I have met (some white some black) developed their views not in a vacuum, but as a result of extensive interaction with the "other."

Spend any time on a rez and try not to develop the feeling that most Indians are lazy drunks. It isn't easy (most of the achievers have moved on from the rez by early adulthood). I think there are a lot of blacks who view white people through the prism of their interactions with white police. Again, easy to see how the prejudice develops.

[marsupial]

My brother and his wife live in Wyoming and are extremely racist. A few years ago my parents wanted to take all of us on a trip to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary. My dad had first suggested Mexico. My brother said no way. Then my dad suggested San Diego. Again, my brother said no way (because, as he said, San Diego has even more Mexicans than Mexico).

Normally when he brings up "illegals" and Mexicans, I just change the subject. He doesn't have anything to say about it that I want to hear and vice versa. There's no point arguing about it.

[Archaea]

For the most part my statement in another thread governs my good relatives, which I'll quote just to praise my relatives:

Without knowing it, my life experience taught me to be mostly color blind. Part of it was by design, good parents with forward thinking views, and part was by geographical accident, living in a part where race history really didn't exist. Both of these aspects of life inoculated me against the tendency to be racist. That doesn't make me a good person, but a fortunate one with good upbringing and good circumstances.

Ma'ake makes what appears to be an astute observation, westerners have no history of race relations being bad. Now there are few isolated incidents in SoCal and long ago in Las Vegas, but for the most part, race relations played no or little part of daily life. We are not necessarily better, but we were removed from the circumstances that contributed to it. My family's history, a father who always fought for the underdog, including in terms of race, before it was popular, taught me to fight for the underdog, because nobody else will. And in most instances, I rarely saw disparate treatment on the basis of race, so much so, I believed many of the claims were exaggerated or made up.

With that said, I had a grandfather now deceased, several decades, who was a poor, ignorant white person. He was racist but not malicious, and he had no power to discriminate as he was as poor as the black people against which he was biased.

My experience were with him in the run down part of town inner city where he lived. He was on a fixed Social Security income and could not afford to move. The area was bleak, dangerous and depressing. The police patrolled his street four abreast during the day and at night with helicopters, gun shots rang out at night and occasionally during the day. My last visit to him, saw me in high school but from a middle class neighborhood where the sights and sounds were completely alien and unknown to me.

Some how he was left physically untouched by the violence, but otherwise imprisoned by his own poverty, ignorance and lack of options. His days consisted of sitting in front of the tv, chain-smoking and doing odd jobs for the neighbors, usually for free. When we left his run down apartment, we did so, only to have him chain smoke, drive to the store and hear him rant, "Wow look at those N. Where did they all come from?"

What could I do, but shrug my shoulders and feel sad for him. Perhaps I should have spoken up, but would it have made a difference? The utter futility of his life stopped me from driving one more nail into his coffin.

I suspect the best we can do is to alert our relatives, we don't feel that way and that those expressions we'd prefer not to hear.

[BYU71]

I can't think of any. My father grew up in Brigham City back in the days the Indian School was there. I would go visit my grandparents and there were Indians dropping by all the time. My grandparents loved the Indians.

My grandfather didn't have a prejudice bone in his body. We would listen to Dodger games together and cheer for Campanella, Newcombe, Gilliam, and Amaros.

My Dad always spoke highly of blacks he was in the Army with and those he would encounter in his business dealings. He was quite appalled at the attitude I came back from my mission with.

[MikeWaters]

My father is in the KKK. He doesn't attend meetings anymore, because he says they are boring. He does talk about maybe getting to some lynchings eventually, if he has the time, and can round up some friends. But he had a tough life, so I refuse to judge him. You try growing up where he did, how he did, and not end up in the KKK. I would say something against it, but I fear I would come across as judgmental and self-righteous. So I have occasionally participated in rallies myself with the hood and robe. But I am not racist. I just do it for the bonding. One time I asked if they could just leave the cross there in the yard and not put gasoline on it, as there was a burn-ban in my county, and I thought there was a minor risk of a fire hazard. But one of the other members said he had talked already to the fire marshal, and it was ok.

Yeah, it's a tough world. Things aren't always right. I doubt any of you would have handled my situation differently.

[SeattleUte]

Originally Posted by MikeWaters

My father is in the KKK. He doesn't attend meetings anymore, because he says they are boring. He does talk about maybe getting to some lynchings eventually, if he has the time, and can round up some friends. But he had a tough life, so I refuse to judge him. You try growing up where he did, how he did, and not end up in the KKK. I would say something against it, but I fear I would come across as judgmental and self-righteous. So I have occasionally participated in rallies myself with the hood and robe. But I am not racist. I just do it for the bonding. One time I asked if they could just leave the cross there in the yard and not put gasoline on it, as there was a burn-ban in my county, and I thought there was a minor risk of a fire hazard. But one of the other members said he had talked already to the fire marshal, and it was ok.

Yeah, it's a tough world. Things aren't always right. I doubt any of you would have handled my situation differently.

Yeah, that's the ticket....

[Archaea]

Originally Posted by MikeWaters

My father is in the KKK. He doesn't attend meetings anymore, because he says they are boring. He does talk about maybe getting to some lynchings eventually, if he has the time, and can round up some friends. But he had a tough life, so I refuse to judge him. You try growing up where he did, how he did, and not end up in the KKK. I would say something against it, but I fear I would come across as judgmental and self-righteous. So I have occasionally participated in rallies myself with the hood and robe. But I am not racist. I just do it for the bonding. One time I asked if they could just leave the cross there in the yard and not put gasoline on it, as there was a burn-ban in my county, and I thought there was a minor risk of a fire hazard. But one of the other members said he had talked already to the fire marshal, and it was ok.

Yeah, it's a tough world. Things aren't always right. I doubt any of you would have handled my situation differently.

You're Mr. Sensitive today aren't you? A big difference between a broken down old man who hurts nobody and a guy in the KKK.

[YOhio]

My brother developed a bigoted attitude on his mission in Kentucky. With time he has softened and has shed his racist views. This is largely due to his employment of hispanic workers who have been considerably more reliable and trustworth than their white American counterparts.

Other than that, the only time I have heard an extended family member say something racist was after 9/11 and it was about Arabs. This was by my grandmother, who was pretty old, lonely and unhappy at that point. I'm certain she didn't mean it.