I may adopt in the future - cougarguard.com — unofficial BYU Cougars / LDS sports, football, basketball forum and message board

RockyBalboa · 11-13-2007, 09:10 PM

The lady I'm dating has 2 children that she's essentially raised on her own.

A 8 year old girl and a 7 year old boy.

Her ex-husband is hardly involved in eithers life. It was only recently over the past couple of months that he's started taking them for a day on the weekends. He's a deadbeat Dad and never pays child support. My girlfriend doesn't want to go after him to get those payments back for a couple of different reasons that I don't agree with, but yet, I don't tell her that cause they aren't my kids and she's done an awesome job of raising them.

Now granted this isn't the same scenario that Mike is setting up, but it does go to the core of his poll that he put up. She didn't have them out of wedlock, but she has essentially raised them fatherless.

It hasn't been broached yet, but I'm almost certain when or if the time comes and we get married that the topic of legally adopting them so that I'm their legal father will arise. I will be happy to do so if she wishes it and we're agreed on it that it's best for the kids. She's extremely sensitive about these kinds of things, so I make it a point to not step on her toes because of how good she is to her children.

I think adoption is a wonderful thing.

One of my sisters had a child out of wedlock when she was in her early 20's. She met with a couple from Hawaii who'd been looking to adopt through LDS Social Services and she gave the little girl up for adoption.

A few years ago the young girl, now 15 years old was back in Utah with her adoptive parents and met with my sister and My sister was absolutely thrilled at the life this girl had been given because of the services that were there for them.

My sister was never told she HAD to give the baby up for adoption. She was told to prayerfully consider what she wanted to do and that she would be supported regardless.

MikeWaters · 11-13-2007, 09:12 PM

Sounds good Rocky. And what was told to your sister is correct IMO. Prayerfully consider and we will support you either way.

RockyBalboa · 11-13-2007, 09:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MikeWaters

Sounds good Rocky. And what was told to your sister is correct IMO. Prayerfully consider and we will support you either way.

I do think there are those in the church who say that if you don't give it up for adoption that you're being disobedient...but those are the extremists, but I also think you're trying very hard to point out that said extremeism regarding this topic with members in the church is the norm...and that is something that I just don't think is true.

MikeWaters · 11-13-2007, 09:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RockyBalboa

I do think there are those in the church who say that if you don't give it up for adoption that you're being disobedient...but those are the extremists, but I also think you're trying very hard to point out that said extremeism regarding this topic with members in the church is the norm...and that is something that I just don't think is true.

I don't know if it is the norm or not, but I do know what was said over the pulpit in my stake.

Goatnapper'96 · 11-13-2007, 09:27 PM

Back when Ol goat was unable to knock down the 50 meter target, Mrs. Goat and I began the LDS Social Services route. I would never advise that route. It almost seems to me that the program bends over backwards to accomodate the biological mother too much in order to incent more adoptions. I would not be comfortable with the bio family knowing where I live and details like that. Perhaps this is my unique situation, but I would worry about some psycho bio Grandma who knows showing up and wanting to attend a baptism or something like that. It would be too easy to identify the adopted kid in Rockland, Idaho who is turning 8.

If I were to adopt I would go get one from East Europe or China or something like that.

One sacrament meeting they had a couple who adopted come and speak with some of the local LDSSS folks. The adoptive mother went into some teary-eyed rant about knowing the bio mom in the pre-existance and making a pact there. It made me shake my head. I could imagine that conversation..."Hey my hubbies little swimmer won't be able to make it upstream when I get down there and "the circle of my love" won't be complete. So could you go an put your ankles in the air to gechyerself knocked up at 15 and when that "young one growing strong with glory trailing from his/her feet as he comes" arrives send him/her on over our way. So what you could potentially ruin your life and suffer who knows how many long term emotional issues as a result of this event and your inclusion in a guilt ridden sub-culture. But what the hell, I will cry about it in every ward in the American Falls, Idaho stake so it will all be good."

The interesting part was the adoptive father had an older sister who had a baby in her teenage years and in the end could not give it up for adoption as the potential adoptive parents waited in the next room. I enjoyed his talk as he contrasted his emotions and perspective when he held his adopted child with those of the disapointment the potential adoptive parents of his nephew must have felt.

Burning Bright · 11-13-2007, 09:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RockyBalboa

I do think there are those in the church who say that if you don't give it up for adoption that you're being disobedient...but those are the extremists, but I also think you're trying very hard to point out that said extremeism regarding this topic with members in the church is the norm...and that is something that I just don't think is true.

It's not disobediant to ignore good advice, but it is stupid.

Archaea · 11-13-2007, 09:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MikeWaters

I don't know if it is the norm or not, but I do know what was said over the pulpit in my stake.

Your stake is NOT the norm. You must live in the Mullah evangelical Dallas area.

RockyBalboa · 11-13-2007, 09:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Burning Bright

It's not disobediant to ignore good advice, but it is stupid.

Maybe it's not always the right kind of advice for that particular situation.

Burning Bright · 11-13-2007, 09:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RockyBalboa

Maybe it's not always the right kind of advice for that particular situation.

Maybe I'm gonna poop diamonds and retire.

RockyBalboa · 11-13-2007, 09:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Burning Bright

Maybe I'm gonna poop diamonds and retire.

From all those years of shoving coal up your ass they'll probably be ripe by then.

11-13-2007, 09:10 PM	#1
RockyBalboa Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Salt Lake City Posts: 7,297	I may adopt in the future The lady I'm dating has 2 children that she's essentially raised on her own. A 8 year old girl and a 7 year old boy. Her ex-husband is hardly involved in eithers life. It was only recently over the past couple of months that he's started taking them for a day on the weekends. He's a deadbeat Dad and never pays child support. My girlfriend doesn't want to go after him to get those payments back for a couple of different reasons that I don't agree with, but yet, I don't tell her that cause they aren't my kids and she's done an awesome job of raising them. Now granted this isn't the same scenario that Mike is setting up, but it does go to the core of his poll that he put up. She didn't have them out of wedlock, but she has essentially raised them fatherless. It hasn't been broached yet, but I'm almost certain when or if the time comes and we get married that the topic of legally adopting them so that I'm their legal father will arise. I will be happy to do so if she wishes it and we're agreed on it that it's best for the kids. She's extremely sensitive about these kinds of things, so I make it a point to not step on her toes because of how good she is to her children. I think adoption is a wonderful thing. One of my sisters had a child out of wedlock when she was in her early 20's. She met with a couple from Hawaii who'd been looking to adopt through LDS Social Services and she gave the little girl up for adoption. A few years ago the young girl, now 15 years old was back in Utah with her adoptive parents and met with my sister and My sister was absolutely thrilled at the life this girl had been given because of the services that were there for them. My sister was never told she HAD to give the baby up for adoption. She was told to prayerfully consider what she wanted to do and that she would be supported regardless. __________________ Masquerading as Cougarguards very own genius dumbass since 05'. Last edited by RockyBalboa; 11-13-2007 at 09:12 PM.

11-13-2007, 09:27 PM	#5
Goatnapper'96 Recruiting Coordinator/Bosom Inspector Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 3,412	Back when Ol goat was unable to knock down the 50 meter target, Mrs. Goat and I began the LDS Social Services route. I would never advise that route. It almost seems to me that the program bends over backwards to accomodate the biological mother too much in order to incent more adoptions. I would not be comfortable with the bio family knowing where I live and details like that. Perhaps this is my unique situation, but I would worry about some psycho bio Grandma who knows showing up and wanting to attend a baptism or something like that. It would be too easy to identify the adopted kid in Rockland, Idaho who is turning 8. If I were to adopt I would go get one from East Europe or China or something like that. One sacrament meeting they had a couple who adopted come and speak with some of the local LDSSS folks. The adoptive mother went into some teary-eyed rant about knowing the bio mom in the pre-existance and making a pact there. It made me shake my head. I could imagine that conversation..."Hey my hubbies little swimmer won't be able to make it upstream when I get down there and "the circle of my love" won't be complete. So could you go an put your ankles in the air to gechyerself knocked up at 15 and when that "young one growing strong with glory trailing from his/her feet as he comes" arrives send him/her on over our way. So what you could potentially ruin your life and suffer who knows how many long term emotional issues as a result of this event and your inclusion in a guilt ridden sub-culture. But what the hell, I will cry about it in every ward in the American Falls, Idaho stake so it will all be good." The interesting part was the adoptive father had an older sister who had a baby in her teenage years and in the end could not give it up for adoption as the potential adoptive parents waited in the next room. I enjoyed his talk as he contrasted his emotions and perspective when he held his adopted child with those of the disapointment the potential adoptive parents of his nephew must have felt. __________________ She had a psychiatrist who said because I didn't trust the water system, the school system, the government, I was paranoid," he said. "I had a psychiatrist who said her psychiatrist was stupid."

11-13-2007, 09:12 PM	#2
MikeWaters Demiurge Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 36,365	Sounds good Rocky. And what was told to your sister is correct IMO. Prayerfully consider and we will support you either way.