A single mom

[MikeWaters]

Say an LDS couple get divorced, and right after they split, the woman discovers that she is pregnant with their first.

Does the church counsel of giving the baby up for adoption apply?

This is that situation a relative is in. And she decided to give the baby up.

But I'm wondering if she is going to follow through. She's had the baby, but still has possession of the baby. I wonder if she feels pressure to give it up, with a family already lined up to adopt. Or pressure from church counsel.

Tough situation. I know she really cares about this baby.

[BlueK]

Originally Posted by MikeWaters

Say an LDS couple get divorced, and right after they split, the woman discovers that she is pregnant with their first.

Does the church counsel of giving the baby up for adoption apply?

This is that situation a relative is in. And she decided to give the baby up.

But I'm wondering if she is going to follow through. She's had the baby, but still has possession of the baby. I wonder if she feels pressure to give it up, with a family already lined up to adopt. Or pressure from church counsel.

Tough situation. I know she really cares about this baby.

If I were an ecclesiastical leader I can't imagine I would counsel the mom to give the baby up in a case like that unless there were some unusual or extreme circumstances. Naturally if the mom were already considering adoption I would counsel her to pray to know for sure if that's the right decision. I don't think I'd be a bishop that would be inclined to tell people what to do. I'd help them learn to trust their own faith and ability to receive answers for themselves.

[MikeWaters]

Me too. I'd probably say a lot of, "I don't know, have you prayed about it?"

Many people (not just in the church) want to be told what to do by professionals. These people really hate "I don't know." "Studies to date have not provided that answer." "No medicine in this class has been shown to be superior to another." They really like the people who say "This pill is great and works miracles in my patients." Perhaps the certainty (i.e. the mullah-ishness) is part of the cure.

[RedHeadGal]

what's the dividing line here? Is someone suggesting that the child is somehow illegitimate because the parents will be divorcing? If the father had died in a car accident, would she be counseled to give the baby up so she's not a single parent?

I'm honestly not even sure how much young, pg women are counseled to give up their babies.

Is your relative being told to do this? Or maybe she feels this on her own? I don't know--as hard as it would be to be a single mother, in some ways I imagine giving a baby up would be so much harder.

[BlueK]

Originally Posted by RedHeadGal

what's the dividing line here? Is someone suggesting that the child is somehow illegitimate because the parents will be divorcing? If the father had died in a car accident, would she be counseled to give the baby up so she's not a single parent?

I'm honestly not even sure how much young, pg women are counseled to give up their babies.

Is your relative being told to do this? Or maybe she feels this on her own? I don't know--as hard as it would be to be a single mother, in some ways I imagine giving a baby up would be so much harder.

I'm not sure young single moms are really counseled that way that often by bishops either, despite what a statement in the book may say. I do think LDS social services can be pretty aggressive in pushing that direction from what I've heard from people I know who have used them. But then that's not so surprising as they want to please their clients who are the adoptive parents. I wonder if they might not get a little condescending compared to non-LDS agencies that don't have a religious motive.
My wife was so turned off by how LDS SS dealt with her sister that she insists we won't use them if we ever choose to adopt.

[RedHeadGal]

Originally Posted by BlueK

I'm not sure young single moms are really counseled that way that often by bishops either, despite what a statement in the book may say. I do think LDS social services can be pretty aggressive in pushing that direction from what I've heard from people I know who have used them. But then that's not so surprising as they want to please their clients who are the adoptive parents. I wonder if they might not get a little condescending compared to non-LDS agencies that don't have a religious motive.
My wife was so turned off by how LDS SS dealt with her sister that she insists we won't use them if we ever choose to adopt.

yes, it does seem that the market for babies has a great deal of influence on the supposed "right thing" for single mothers.

I wonder, can you have and open adoption through LDSSS? If I were ever involved in an adoption on either end, I think I would want it to be open.

[BlueK]

Originally Posted by RedHeadGal

yes, it does seem that the market for babies has a great deal of influence on the supposed "right thing" for single mothers.

I wonder, can you have and open adoption through LDSSS? If I were ever involved in an adoption on either end, I think I would want it to be open.

They can do open adoptions.