Quote:
Originally Posted by Black Diamond Bay
I don't agree with that. I don't think you need to know every nitty-gritty detail of every little transgression. But I also don't think there's anything wrong with asking about some of the big ones either. Not because it's a question of worthiness, or forgiveness, but because there are sometimes still consequences for those sins. Who wants to get blindsided by your husband's ex-girlfriend showing up one day with his 6 year old illegit son wanting to collect on child support? It happened to one of my cousins.
I dated a guy who told me on our second date that he just wanted me to know upfront that that particular scenario was a possibility for him, and if I couldn't deal with it there wasn't any point in continuing to date. I still dated him, but in retrospect I probably wouldn't again. Not because I felt like he wasn't worthy, or because I was afraid of having to pay back child support, but because I think his little walk on the wild side had some consequences (not std's) that were a lot to deal with. To his credit he was very open about it, with me. I know his wife has struggled with some of that stuff, and in retrospect I'm not sure I'm cut out to take that on. Probably why we broke up three times. Anway, I assume he was just as open with her as he was with me. So she knew what those issues were, and decided she could handle it. Which is totally fair. I know a few girls that have all kinds of lingering issues from previous trangressions, and I don't think it would be wise for someone to marry them without being aware of what those issues are.
Although honestly, I don't know how you could date someone without figuring it out. After a couple of weeks it's obvious. At a minimum I'd think you'd at least suspect.
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The problem with prying into the "big ones" is it leads to more questions and questions lead to wanting more details...which leads to more questions,,,which leads to jealousy and a big fight and bad feelings.
If someone could ever just say yeah..."I did this" and leave it at that fine...but that rarely is what ends up happening and the end result is typically resentful feelings towards each other.
I do think if someone has a history of substance or physical abuse then that is without question something that needs to be addressed, but in the case of sexual sins before marriage....a simple yes or no ought to suffice....the problem is....it rarely does suffice or satiate ones curiousity. It often makes the interrogator thinking they have a right to know more than they actually do.
People are always saying they want to be in a relationship where they won't have to re-live their past....and quite frankly,,,if they've gone and applied the Atonement in their life....outside of a simple yes or no.....they shouldn't be forced to re-live it again.