Thread: We're screwed
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Old 06-13-2012, 07:09 PM   #257
ute4ever
I must not tell lies
 
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Here's another parable.

There is a boy named Tex who loves the Dallas Cowboys, especially their starting QB George. In the 14th game of the season, George has a good first quarter and the Cowboys take a 7-3 lead. Unfortunately, during the second and third quarters, George throws four interceptions and fumbles the ball twice, and the Cowboys trail 52-10 with only 15 minutes to go.

The coach kept George in the game during those disastrous quarters because his second, third, and fourth string QBs were all injured or MIA.

On the first play of the fourth quarter, George fumbles a third time while on his own 5 yard line. The coach decides he's seen enough and puts in the ever popular Uncle Rico, who only has high school experience but is a big hit with the fans, who are chanting his name.

The opposing team drives 5 yards for a 59-10 lead, and Tex stands and yells "you suck Uncle Rico!"

Uncle Rico completes his first five passes, but finishes with an average outing, leading the Cowboys to two field goals while the other team scores another TD, for a final score of 66-16.

Now it's time for the coach to decide who to start the 15th game: Uncle Rico or George. While campaigning for George, Tex offers the following:

--Uncle Rico is the worst QB in team history because never before did the Cowboys give up 66 points.

--Uncle Rico is the worst QB in team history because never before did the Cowboys lose by 50.

--Uncle Rico's offense was outscored during his tenure.

--Only two plays after George was yanked, Uncle Rico's Cowboys gave up another TD.

--Uncle Rico had fewer completed passes than George.

--When Uncle Rico fumbled the ball after only four minutes, that ratio was worse than George, who averaged only one fumble every fifteen minutes

--Uncle Rico failed to win the game 53-52. The final score is entirely due to his lack of competence.

--Two fatigued offensive linemen and two equally fatigued wide receivers were injured during plays while Uncle Rico was in the pocket. Those injuries are entirely Uncle Rico's fault.

--During the fourth quarter, Cowboys Stadium was at only 30% capacity, unlike the first quarter when it was at 100% capacity. It's Uncle Rico's fault that fewer concessions were purchased in the fourth quarter.

To be continued.
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