My advice:
don't get a mountain bike. they are inherently slow even with bald wheels. It's not satisfying to go slow and be passed by grandmas walking their dogs.
your ass is going to hurt no matter what. get good shorts and take it slowly at first, and don't give up if your ass feels like you were stuck in a phone booth with Richard Simmons.
Creekster's advice is for rich people. He assumes you are rich. I know better. I say get a solid bike with non-fancy wheels, preferably steel frame, wheels with a lot of spokes. If the spokes start breaking, then go to plan B. But you'll probably be fine.
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