[il Padrino Ute]

THE TOP TEN SIGNS YOU'VE GONE TO A BAD FUNERAL DIRECTOR

10 - He's wearing a paper hat that says "Trainee"

9 - Hawaiian Punch used for embalming fluid

8 - Hearse has Domino's logo on side; on the way to the cemetery they drop off a couple of pizzas

7 - Tells you, "I can't help this man. He's dead."

6 - Asks if you want cremation to be Original or Crispy

5 - Gives out souvenir T-shirts reading, "My beloved spouse passed away and all I got was this lousy T-shirt"

4 - Always shouting "Cut! Cut!" (Oh, I'm sorry, that's one of the "Top Ten Signs You've Gone to a Bad *Movie* Director")

3 - Gives you a business card for his secondhand eyeglass and denture shop

2 - Two days after the funeral you see the deceased alive again and doing yardwork for the funeral director

1 - He replaces ashes of loved one with Folgers crystals