One of my all-time favorite Top 10 Lists from Letterman...
THE TOP TEN SIGNS YOU'VE GONE TO A BAD FUNERAL DIRECTOR
10 - He's wearing a paper hat that says "Trainee"
9 - Hawaiian Punch used for embalming fluid
8 - Hearse has Domino's logo on side; on the way to the cemetery they drop off a couple of pizzas
7 - Tells you, "I can't help this man. He's dead."
6 - Asks if you want cremation to be Original or Crispy
5 - Gives out souvenir T-shirts reading, "My beloved spouse passed away and all I got was this lousy T-shirt"
4 - Always shouting "Cut! Cut!" (Oh, I'm sorry, that's one of the "Top Ten Signs You've Gone to a Bad *Movie* Director")
3 - Gives you a business card for his secondhand eyeglass and denture shop
2 - Two days after the funeral you see the deceased alive again and doing yardwork for the funeral director
1 - He replaces ashes of loved one with Folgers crystals
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"The beauty of baseball is not having to explain it." - Chuck Shriver
"This is now the joke that stupid people laugh at." - Christopher Hitchens on IQ jokes about GWB.
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