[Sleeping in EQ]

1. Afterglow: Mormon elevator music. “Creating gender confusion since 1984.”

2. Repetition as the heathen do: Such trite mantras as, “It’s not about the numbers,” “That’s not necessary to know for salvation,” “Sustain the Brethren,” “The Prophet said not to watch rated-R movies,” and recitations of “The Old Violin,” “The Schoolhouse Rules story,” “Footprints on the Beach,” and “Chicken Soup for the [I have nothing to say but need to give a talk] Soul.” I’ll throw in everyone who has ever started a talk by saying, “When Bro. so and so put his hand on my back in the foyer I knew…ha, ha, ha…that I was in trouble.”

3. Thinking Richard Paul Evans writes books and that those books are good.

4. The BYU Honor Code: Making men’s facial hair a question of honor and issuing “Beard Cards” is about as asinine as it gets. But now, if we’re talking about women…

5. Chain letters: I’m ready for this to be one of the Temple Recommend questions. My sister in law is going to spirit prison for this.

6. Never-ending debates about caffeine: Seriously people, how much time has been wasted?

7. Toys in the yard: Also known as “Lehi Landscaping.” The only thing worse are the yards with sun-faded plastic deer.

8. Hale-Storm Entertainment: Wars have been started for smaller offenses.

9. Having an answer for the question: “What color of Kool-Aid goes with fish?” Many of you just answered “green” in your heads. Fess up now. You know who you are.

10. Giving baby clothes at bridal showers. Most people think this is extremely tacky. Mormons, OTOH, feel guilty about buying someone else lacey panties.

And I'm just getting started...