Halloween candy
 

What do you steal from your kids first?

I go straight for the Reeses, but I have to make sure nobody's watching. Flash is lucky. Jeff and Charlie both hate Snickers, so Flash gets all of his favorite with no complaints from the kids. OTOH, that takes all the fun out of it.

Kit Kats

25% Dad tax.

It prepares them for reality.

So with you-know-who's new tax plan, does this jump up to 39% next next if they haul in more than 250 pieces of candy?

I hear thats what Joe the Plumber charges his kids.

Deleted because I'm a major idiot.

:)

I suppose it will have to go up, eh?

The difference is that there is no redistribution.

But NINETYFIVE PERCENT of kids will get more candy under the new plan!! You believe that, right?

Candy Confiscation Priority:
1. Anything made in China - this goes in the trash. I'm the Dad version of the FDA here. This is usually in the form of a prepackaged candy "toy" - like candy rings, candy whistles, bags of gummy worms, etc. If it says Made in China it's basically crap that some cheapo bought down at the dollar store. Probably laced with lead and mercury and all kinds of bad junk.

2. Almond Joy (NB these are not necessarily my favorite, they are just rarer so I give them a higher confiscation priority)
3. Kit Kats (same reason as above)
4. Snickers
5. Reeses

My favorites would be ordered thus:
1. Snickers
2. Kit Kats
3. Almond Joy
4. Reeses

Hell, if I'm getting 39% of their loot, then they can get all the grub their little Indiana Jones candy bags can hold!

We've actually got a great gig going. People feel so sorry for Charlie in his wheelchair that they give him double or triple candy, not realizing that he's on an all-liquid diet. (And we're certainly not about to divulge the truth and risk losing out on the loot.) So by the end of the night Flash and I make away like bandits with the biggest haul in town. We're shameless.