My lawn fertilizer guy came and...
 

Every time they put down the fertilizer, they leave a message on what you should do to improve your lawn.

His message was: "I love your lawn. It is like a putting green. You may want to cut it not so short, but it looks terrific and is healthy."

Lets just say--I rock in lawncare and fashion.

My yard consists of roughly:

35% real grass
15% crab grass
20% weeds
30% bare dirt

No one has compared it to a putting green recently.

When was the last time you played Mountain View?

Perhaps it's different now, but two years ago, the one time I played, I'd rather have played on your lawn.

I fertilize my own grass, but the results have been less than satisfactory.

Add more fiber to your diet.