The Real Me
 

My name is Dave. I'm 24 years old. I'm a student at a school in Arizona. I'm a Religious Studies and Philosophy Major with a Psychology minor.

I was raised, somewhat, as a member of the LDS Church. I was baptized in October of 1996 at the age of 13 on my mother's birthday. I did it for her. Shortly thereafter I went inactive with the rest of my family. We were never consistent in our church attendance.

I realized I was gay when I was a freshman in high school. I found it easy, with little religious influence, to accept myself. That didn't last long as I became involved with Protestant churches that told me that I was sinful in nature. I also had minimal involvement in LDS seminary. I was a lost boy looking for hope in something I wasn't sure I believed in. This continued all through high school.

I continually recreated myself, phases if you will, to determine who I was. The most prominent characteristic was my love for politics. I once wanted to be a politician who fought for equality.

My parents got divorced when I was 16. I found out through my mom that my dad was actually gay.

I came out to my family my senior year. At first, my mom seemed okay with it. But she began to ask me if I had a girlfriend. It happened every week. It was painful.

I went to school at a university in 2002. I drank every night and slept all day. The result was that I lost my scholarship and lost control of whoever I was supposed to be.

As a last line of hope, I looked to the LDS church. I attended faithfully for 2 years. I gave up everything. I gave up all the bad stuff taught to us through Section 89 of the D&C. I gave up my sexual lifestyle so that I could hold a temple recommend. I confessed everything to my bishop. I worked so hard to be what I knew my mom wanted me to be and what the leaders of the church wanted me to be. I pushed myself back into the closet.

I attended counseling at LDS Family Services. The ward paid for it because I was unable to do so financially.

In May of 2005, a good friend of mine who was a missionary at the time was my escort through the Mesa Temple for my endowment. It was one of the most joyous experiences of my life.

Sadly, I became restless. I couldn't reconcile being gay and Mormon. What did I do? I went out and had drunken sex with a guy I met at a bar. Out of guilt, I confessed to my bishop. On August 19, 2005, I was disfellowshipped. I have never returned to full fellowship since.

At about the same time, I actually did become more involved with the Community of Christ. I attended infrequently and learned that they were more affirming of gays and lesbians than the LDS. My involvement has continued to this time. I was officially baptized as a member of the Community of Christ on May 11, 2008. I have grown to love the church and it is a huge part of my life.

I chose my major for education because I am fascinated with the different ideas of belief of different worldly faiths. As for the minor in Psychology, I want to understand why I fear where I came from, who I am, and where I am going. My choices to pretend to be someone I am not on LDS web boards is not understandable to me. I think I only do it for attention. Why? I don't know.

"The Broken, The Beaten, and The Abandoned" is my attempt to finally reconcile the continuing internal torment I inflict on myself with the love of Christ. It is also meant to be a voice for those who struggle and who have struggled with homosexuality. Maybe if I can finally have internal peace, I can stop this bullshit of a mess I have already created.

I am also fascinated by Latter-day Saint history and theology. I love reading about women and the priesthood, ordination of blacks, reconstruction of Mormon doctrine. Mostly the controversial issues. I guess I love controversy. At the same time, I'm also a hyporcrite. When someone bashes on the LDS church, I am quick to defend. At the same time, I have no problem arguing where the church has gone wrong.

In the end, I don't know that I will ever be in a real relationship because of my inability to be honest with myself and others (because of fear). I know that I don't deserve the forgiveness of anyone of you on this board or any other board. I do apologize. I am a liar. I hope this post helps. Maybe it just shows that I'm even more screwed up in the head. I guess it does not matter.

Thank you all for your abrasive and disrespectful comments. They were deserved and needed so that I could create this post.

Dave

Anthesin, I don't know who you are or what your history with the board is. I'm not even certain if the above post is a work of fact or fiction. But it is quite a moving testimony and personal narrative, so I suspect the former. Good luck to you.

Cool, so you're in a college creative writing class. Too bad your written product would earn a D-. But you've got quite the active imagination!

Dave, Dwayne, and I forget your third name, this guy's shtick is all the same.

Fool me one shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.

Whatever and whoever you are, your shtick is merely shtick. This board does not tolerate the trolls who merely troll, or people who put on a persona to deceive, so as Lebowski has stated you have no credibility here and we do not really enjoy being lied to.

And before you try, once again, "okay, those other times I was lying but now I'm not" shtick, think again. We don't believe you.

How many threads are you going to start with, "Well I lied on this site and that site, but this made up story is really true." We don't find it entertaining and there is nothing you can do to rehabilitate your image.

You owe Kyle $200. He wants it back.

to redeem yourself, just like in the mythologies of old, you will need to go on a quest.

we will let you know what the quest is. it will probably involve cougarboard.com.

You can say that again. What is this, persona #6? I have lost track.

If this is in fact your real story, then it's a damn shame you lied. Your credibility is long gone at this point. Move along.

I am totally convinced that man made jubilees are soooooo cool that even gay boys like 'em!

DON'T KNOCKEM TILL YOU ROCKEM!

This thread is proof Mormon gays and apostates are shunned by LDS.

The first Anthesian was relatively warmly received.

Now he is a miscreant who aims to toy with us.

Really? We let you hang around. I think it's proof that nobody likes a liar.

I don't blame you for not believing me. I lied excessively. That is what I have to live with. It doesn't matter any longer whether you believe me or not. Good luck to you all. Take care and watch out for those trolls. There are some other than myself already on this board and they have been here a lot longer than I have.

Peace,
Dave

Oh, the drama. It's a message board, I'm sure you'll be able to live with it. Don't let the door hit you on the way out.

Dave,

This conversation can serve no purpose anymore. Goodbye.

I think you guys are being too hard on Dave. At least he has a friend in SU.

AT least he doesn't blame us, which makes me feel better, I know.

Btw, his eilliptical refence to other fakirs sounded a lot like you. Has anyone ever seen Triplet, Dave, Kyle or Duane togehter at the same time? And who really owes the $200?

We should go on a purge to find the hidden trolls. Have an inquisition, so to speak.

Yes, I am a fakir.

Why dont you come on over and lay down on my bed of nails, mr. troublemaker.

Mullah.

Figures you are the first person to oppose any effort to out dupes and trolls.

Hmmm......

The same thought crossed my mind. Pay up triplet, $200 is nothing to scoff at. That's like a half hour's work for you.

How can you believe him? There is no archaeological evidence that he exists.

Wow, well I guess I really missed out on something good. This was a fascinating thread. I don't buy the whole gay guy story, but it was kind of an amusing read.

His name is Dave? I thought it was Dwayne?

His name is whatever he wants it to be.

Cliff's Notes:

Dwayne is Anthesian I.

Kyle is NapalmFront.

Dave is Anthesian II.

Both Anthesian I and II are homosexuals from Arizona.

NapalmFront plays soccer and listens to Rage Against the Machine.

Anthesian I is a Ute fan and sits on the opposite side of the couch from his boyfriend, who is an RM Cougar fan.

Anthesian II drinks a lot and had sex with a guy from a bar.

And Dwayne owes Kyle $200. Typical Ute Fan, filching on a debt.

You've apparently never heard of Y'z Guy.

Correct, never heard of him.

Waters, paging Waters..........

Sounds like this dude could use a little bit of your tender, fatherly, psychiatric advice, or maybe all, what, six of these dudes could use some couch counseling? What say ye, could you help this Bro. out?