Reading comprehension, Waters.

And at least my ward lets the kid dress up as witches for Halloween if they want.

Maybe you have avoided a responsible calling by maintaining an aura of incompetence and irresponsibility?

Possible.

Get divorced and do not remarry. At least don't remarry an LDS girl.

Also it is a good idea not to refute the ex-wife's accusations that you beat her and had a drug habit. I think that travels in your records from ward to ward along with who ordained you an Elder.

Lastly, if some well meaning Bishop in an interview tries to get you to consider getting married again, to the point he mentions he was inspired to suggest this, tell him the girl you are living with just isn't the marrying kind.

"girl living with", or "girl sleeping with"?

You leave it a mystery so you don't get your recommend jerked.

True, but sleeping could mean many things, not just copulating. How dirty of a mind you have.

In today's world she would have included your porn problem as well.

i thought you didn't consider your porn addiction a problem, but that you could quit any time you wanted. You simply don't want to.

Yea, I was lucky. Back when I was married women bathing suits were the one piecers that went from the neck to the knees. Therefor no one had to see porn at the beach or on billboards.