The Feminine Mistake

[marsupial]

I just saw the author of the book The Feminine Mistake on the Today Show this morning.
(Her response to the negative feedback she has received from her book: http://news.yahoo.com/s/huffpost/200...uffpost/044690)

Her book, which I have not read, apparently deals with the mistake women are making by leaving their jobs and becoming financially dependent on their spouse. She says mothers who do this put their children at risk because if divorce, death or illness of their spouse required them to go back to work, they statistically would not be able to find a job and make an income to support their children.

I think she definitely has a point, but she underestimates the difference a mother in the home makes on the emotional well being of a family.

I think LDS women of families who truly follow counsel for the church and have a year supply, stay out of debt, live within their means, etc. are probably going to be in good shape if something happens and the mother needs to go back to work. Even better shape are the women who have an education and manage to keep a foot in the work force while still staying at home.

Any other thoughts on this issue?

[SteelBlue]

I do not now know, nor have I ever known any man woman or child who had a year's supply of food. I have known a few who had a year's pay saved that was liquid. But they are very few.

[Archaea]

I just saw the author of the book The Feminine Mistake on the Today Show this morning.
(Her response to the negative feedback she has received from her book: http://news.yahoo.com/s/huffpost/200...uffpost/044690)

Her book, which I have not read, apparently deals with the mistake women are making by leaving their jobs and becoming financially dependent on their spouse. She says mothers who do this put their children at risk because if divorce, death or illness of their spouse required them to go back to work, they statistically would not be able to find a job and make an income to support their children.

I think she definitely has a point, but she underestimates the difference a mother in the home makes on the emotional well being of a family.

I think LDS women of families who truly follow counsel for the church and have a year supply, stay out of debt, live within their means, etc. are probably going to be in good shape if something happens and the mother needs to go back to work. Even better shape are the women who have an education and manage to keep a foot in the work force while still staying at home.

Any other thoughts on this issue?

You hold a traditional LDS belief. I'm not certain I share it any longer. In our ward, the successful families have educated women, who work and whose children are active and successful. So a woman who is unfamiliar with the workforce and finances is making a mistake for her and her family.

[marsupial]

I do not now know, nor have I ever known any man woman or child who had a year's supply of food. I have known a few who had a year's pay saved that was liquid. But they are very few.

We don't--that's for sure. I have known one family who counted on their year's supply while the husband was unemployed. It really saved them.

[BarbaraGordon]

I just saw the author of the book The Feminine Mistake on the Today Show this morning...

I don't know exactly what to say on the subject, it's such a complicated matter. And the best decision for each woman is so closely tied to her family, personality and other factors.

But the title of the book is really funny.

[MikeWaters]

By the church's calculator I have a year's supply of food. Of course eating boiled wheat for every other meal would suck.

The best research into daycare has shown that the only negative effect was increased aggression.

This indicates that daycare isn't a huge diaster, but who knows.

[jay santos]

You hold a traditional LDS belief. I'm not certain I share it any longer. In our ward, the successful families have educated women, who work and whose children are active and successful. So a woman who is unfamiliar with the workforce and finances is making a mistake for her and her family.

I could not disagree more. My wife is a stay-at-home mom. She's educated but chose not to work. I believe strongly this is the best model for families--especially in today's world. And because this is a hot issue, I try not to judge, but my empirical observations on which families are active and successful are completely opposite.

Like Elder Oaks talk, the objective should be no (or much less frequent) divorce, not for the man and woman to go into the marriage more prepared for a potential break up. The interdependency that develops in a marriage for financial, emotional, sexual, health and other matters is a beautiful thing.

[marsupial]

I could not disagree more. My wife is a stay-at-home mom. She's educated but chose not to work. I believe strongly this is the best model for families--especially in today's world. And because this is a hot issue, I try not to judge, but my empirical observations on which families are active and successful are completely opposite.

Like Elder Oaks talk, the objective should be no (or much less frequent) divorce, not for the man and woman to go into the marriage more prepared for a potential break up. The interdependency that develops in a marriage for financial, emotional, sexual, health and other matters is a beautiful thing.

Well said. I'd like to add that I was a working mom and Danimal was a stay-at-home dad for awhile. This was a great situation for us. I think it is better for kids if a parent is at home. I don't think it always has to be mom.

[tooblue]

I do not now know, nor have I ever known any man woman or child who had a year's supply of food. I have known a few who had a year's pay saved that was liquid. But they are very few.

I've known a few people that have had to rely on their years supply.

[Detroitdad]

Why on earth anyone would want to stay at home full time with a bunch of children is beyond me. I was the stay at home component of our family while I was in undergrad. Believe me, that was the only time that I ever looked forward to going to class. I love my daughter, but there is no way that I would willingly spend a 60 hour week at home alone with a baby, and from most of the others that I have spoken with, it is not a particularly pleasant experience.
If a significant amount of time at home can be balanced with something such as a part time job, volunteer work, or more schooling, enough to keep the adult feeling like a productive, non-isolated member of society then it is not a bad thing, I suppose. Finding a balance can make the time that parent and child spend together more enjoyable and productive.

[MikeWaters]

Why on earth anyone would want to stay at home full time with a bunch of children is beyond me. I was the stay at home component of our family while I was in undergrad. Believe me, that was the only time that I ever looked forward to going to class. I love my daughter, but there is no way that I would willingly spend a 60 hour week at home alone with a baby, and from most of the others that I have spoken with, it is not a particularly pleasant experience.
If a significant amount of time at home can be balanced with something such as a part time job, volunteer work, or more schooling, enough to keep the adult feeling like a productive, non-isolated member of society then it is not a bad thing, I suppose. Finding a balance can make the time that parent and child spend together more enjoyable and productive.

Historically this is not the way things worked. People lived with their extended family and child-rearing was a group activity.

The phenomenon of a woman raising her children in relative isolation is new.

[MikeWaters]

anyone familiar with this book? written by a Harvard Law Professor. "The Two Income Trap"

http://www.amazon.com/Two-Income-Trap-Middle-Class-Mothers-Fathers/dp/0465090826/ref=sr_1_3/104-2436899-7973500?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1175614050&sr=8-3

[tooblue]

Historically this is not the way things worked. People lived with their extended family and child-rearing was a group activity.

The phenomenon of a woman raising her children in relative isolation is new.

I think that is an excellent point that often gets overlooked. As recently as last night my mother in-law talked about how both of her grand mothers lived on the same street as her family growing up. She was rarely at home -she was at Grandmas house.

[Detroitdad]

Historically this is not the way things worked. People lived with their extended family and child-rearing was a group activity.

The phenomenon of a woman raising her children in relative isolation is new.

Yeah, this is one of the aspects of the Church's official stance that gets me steamed because it is based on an historical anomaly. During the post-War period it was possible for many, many families to have one wage earner and one spouse in the home. However, a number of factors make the choice increasingly economically difficult on lower income tier families, especially in places like California and the East Coast where housing is so expensive.

The other aspect of the policy that is nonsensical is the insistence that a mother be the one to give the care. Why not parent? Or loved one? This little turn of a phrase has caused my wife a lot of internal pain, because she was not able to stay home with our first. She felt that she had done something wrong and that our child would suffer for it. Only after about 4 years was she able to look back and admit that all had not been a disaster, but had worked out nicely. Modern society requires flexibility to produce the same, or better results, and to the extent a piece of verbage gets in the way of that it is unfortunate.

[tooblue]

anyone familiar with this book? written by a Harvard Law Professor. "The Two Income Trap"

http://www.amazon.com/Two-Income-Trap-Middle-Class-Mothers-Fathers/dp/0465090826/ref=sr_1_3/104-2436899-7973500?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1175614050&sr=8-3

I think it was quoted quite frequently in my wifes readings for the on-line course she had been taking to finish her degree with BYU.

[SteelBlue]

Leaving my religious beliefs out of the matter completely, I think that it's the education that is most important. As long as one has a marketable skill, they'll be ok should divorce or death knock on the door. It is my observation that having two working parents rarely translates into greater savings. Or in other words, a woman working prior to divorce might be no better off financially than a non working woman after a divorce except that she'd already have a job. Most of the two income families I know (fallacy of personal experience, I know) have more expensive things, but no more money left over at the end of the month than the single income families.

[tooblue]

Leaving my religious beliefs out of the matter completely, I think that it's the education that is most important. As long as one has a marketable skill, they'll be ok should divorce or death knock on the door. It is my observation that having two working parents rarely translates into greater savings. Or in other words, a woman working prior to divorce might be no better off financially than a non working woman after a divorce except that she'd already have a job. Most of the two income families I know (fallacy of personal experience, I know) have more expensive things, but no more money left over at the end of the month than the single income families.

I agree. The education is most important. As a single income family it is sometimes difficult to see the dual income family with all of their things, depsite the understanding that when you make more you spend more.

[MikeWaters]

Who will join me in hearty condemnation of FMCoug?

:)

[Surfah]

Who will join me in hearty condemnation of FMCoug?

:)

FMCoug is my idol. I can't wait to build my own home and post pics of it's construction on here and CB.